Big Dreams and Pixie Dust

Summer Time in AK

2009-07-07T11:33:00.015-08:00

First was the Alaska 4x4 Meet and Greet. A total redneck event that I offered to chair this year. Not sure what I was thinking... maybe a few too many margaritas the night they called and asked if I would. But all went well and everyone that attended had a great time. I'm just glad it is over. Here is a link to what others are saying about it and some great pix of Kaia having a good time.

Once we recovered from that, we spent a little time getting the house put back together and took the girls out to to learn how to ride a bike.

Here's Kaia in all her biking glory.

Not at all happy to have to go home.

Mekayla had a great time too. Here she is in some Lupine in true Mekayla form. Totally excited and then totally pissed for no good reason but that she was done with the lupine.

Here's happy dog.

This 4th of July, we hit up the parade, attended a freedom rally at Wasilla Lake Park (which was interesting considering how 'Palin-friendly' and uber-conservative our little town of Wasilla is).

We even did a little fishing and then went wheelin' out to an old B-29 crash site. That was really cool considering it was a war plane that went down while serving the country I love.

Here are some great pix of that trip, and you can see more here.

Other good news. The Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge was a big success. We collectively lost 106 lbs since the start of the challenge back in Feb. GREAT JOB LADIES!!! I am going to start a new one and keep up in a forum fashion in Facebook. If you are interested, let me know via e-mail or facebook message at shunsaker@hotmail.com :) The new one starts on Friday so let me know if you want on that e-list via facebook. Thanks.

Training is going well for the 1/2 marathon. I did an 8 mile run on Saturday. It took me a good long while, but I'm just happy that I did it. I ran about 6 miles before having to walk a bit. I'm thinking I can finish the 13.1 in 2hrs 45 minutes. That is my goal and if I can drop another 20 lbs before then, I will be feeling really good about that. So... that's the goal. 20 lbs and 2hrs and 45 minutes. Wish me luck. :)

MORE good news, Kaia is officially potty trained. NO more wet pants or accidents at night. YAY KAIA!!!

My first Tri

2009-06-14T13:47:00.007-08:00

Okay folks. Here are the pix from my first triathlon. It was awesome. I've still got a lot of work to do to be most improved next year. But I'm out there and lovin' it.
I'm down about 1/2 way to my weight loss goal and already training for my next big event. 1/2 marathon in August! Yay! Off to the races!

In other fitness news. The 100 lb fitness challenge has been a hit! Everyone has contributed to the total loss and it has been amazing! Here is the latest and greatest on the fitness challenge.

Remodeling Everything

2009-05-08T12:17:00.006-08:00

Well, we've been busy remodeling EVERYTHING. The garage is coming along quite nicely... it is now a storage room and a drop down living room space. We just need to finish framing in the doors, cut a hole in the house, lay down the floor and put up a wall... oh yeah, we need to build an entertainment center and fireplace... okay, so we're not quite there yet.

We have also been doing a lot of remodeling in the front and back yard. We have cut down maybe 20 trees and split and stacked them for firewood. Gas prices are ridiculous and winters are coooold here. :( But at least it is good exercise and gets rid of all that dang cottonwood that makes such a mess every spring. It also lets in amazing light now for our garden, which I am excited to get started on. I figure this late in the season, I'm going to have to buy sprouts for most stuff, but with our raised bed we are building and all the berries I want to plant, we should have a really good crop this year and it will probably only cost us about a grand. Yeah! 1000 buckarooos, but we would easily spend that in berries and tomatos, so we shall see how it goes this year... wish us luck... well, at least more than last year because all we got for our $20 investment was a pea and a carrot... both of which the dog ate. :(

So back to the remodeling. I've also got a big Body Project. The Big Dreams 100 lbs Fitness Challenge is going quite well too. I've been remodeling my body to compete in a triathlon next Sunday. This Sunday is the trial run for that and I'm stoked. I'm almost to my weight I wanted to be by the triathlon, but still a long ways from 'racing weight' I decided I'm going to run a marathon next spring and am using this triathlon and other things like the bike and run for women to help me train in the mean time. I plan to get down to my 'racing weight' and then maintain for about 6 months before the race while I condition and get myself into competition form. :) REMODEL HERE WE COME!!!

Here are the fantastic numbers from the Big Dreams 100 lb Weight Loss Challenge. We are only 14 lbs away from our goal!!! That is amazing. There are 5 other awesome participants who have been miracles for my success as we have been sharing struggles and accomplishments on facebook. Once we are done with this, I may start up another one... mostly because I LOVE prizes, but also because I need the motivation and accountability.

Things have been really busy, and not much posting going on here. Sorry, I'll try to do better and catch up on all of what's goin on in your blogs.

Mommy Drama

2009-03-15T11:23:00.004-08:00

I joined a local Mom's Club about a year ago and rarely went to any activities. Then recently, re-upped my membership in the hopes of getting out of it what I intended to the first time and I've been a LOT more involved. Well, now that I'm in it, I'm seriously thinking about starting up a new chapter.

I am just sick to death of the drama. I don't like the back biting and bitchiness and I certainly don't like the jockeying for position and power. There have been a few actions taken that are beyond repair and I am regretfully part of the problem.

About 6 months ago, the club president confided in me her frustrations with a few 'old' board members who were standing in the way of progress. Me being the action taker that I am suggested we get a group of members together that want the same changes and make an organized effort at the next membership meeting to start these projects. Since then, I haven't seen the 'old' members at any activities or meetings. Something tells me they were tipped off to the 'rebellion' that was staged.

Then there was a Mom's night out scheduled by the president and then canceled at the last minute. It was then picked up by another memeber and about 8 women showed up and had a great time. Unfortunately, another member sent out personal invitations and had a Mom's night out on the same night at a different location excluding a whole list of people intentionally. I haven't seen that 'invitation only' group of women at any activities in the past few months either.

The way I see it, there is a HUGE division in the group and I've finally discovered why that is. Feelings have been hurt and people are taking sides. I HATE THAT. I don't want to be pulled into the middle of it or forced to choose a side. THAT negates what the mom's Club is about, it's exclusive and it's hurtful. I'm not going to do it anymore. I've decided that I am going to step back in a pretty big way and give up some of the sub-clubs that I am running. I'm just going to fill my days with activities that I enjoy and spend my time with people I enjoy being around. The trouble is that I have half a mind to tell the president what I think and I can't think of a way to do that where her feelings don't get hurt. Maybe just walking away is the best thing to do.

I'm just going to have to find other ways of making new friends and find another cause to get behind. Maybe in a few months, I will look into other clubs or starting my own. But right now, I'm just feeling very negative about women in general and don't want to be a part of the drama. What would you do?

On a happier note, my Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge is going great! We have lost 15.5 lbs already and are well on our way to big success! We have decided to pamper ourselves with something really nice and out of the ordinary when we reach our goal. I wish we could do it together, but being all over the country makes that really difficult.

I change my reward about every other day, but today the plan is to touch up my tattoo and get my ears pierced again. I'm thinking the tat I got back at BYU is a little juvenile and cartoonesque for my taste now that I'm 30 and adding more black and a bit more detail in the vines could bring my little Forget-me-not flower more up to date. I also want a 3rd hole in my left ear so I can put Mekayla's birth stone in it. I usually wear Kaia's birthstone in my second holes and I'm in the process of finding my next everyday ware for the first holes. :) So that's the plan for that.

As far as tracking and reporting results, I have switched to a thread on facebook so that we can be totally honest and not worry about the whole world peeking in on our personal struggles. For now, I will post progress as a general group effort and keep you in the loop about how we celebrate our success. ;)

I'm So Glad When Hubby Comes Home!

2009-03-05T07:58:00.005-09:00

YAY! Today is the big day when the hubs comes home. I am so relieved and excited, I can't even contain myself. It's been 3 weeks since I've had a man around the house, and I could really use a break after the last few weeks of disaster.

I tried to potty train Kaia. This is an ongoing frustration. She has been pooping in the toilet for a good 6-8 months now consistently, but she won't pee in the toilet to save her own life... which there have been a few times where it might have spared her some drama. She effectively saturated my scrapbook bag... yup, climbed right on top to take a leak into my open bag of papers and supplies. I was able to save most of it, but it was touch and go for a lot of it. She tagged my office chair twice the floor 3 times and the couch once. But I think the one that made me the most angry was when she went up on her bed with about 6 loads of clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away and proceeded to do business through the clothes and onto the bedding which had also just been washed and put back in place the day before. I'm thinking she is using this as a tool to get back at me for something. Any advice on how to handle this would be helpful.

My workload has more than doubled this last week and I've been so sick with a sinus infection and lung issue that has effectively robbed me of 65% of my lung capacity. Not fun, but the meds seem to be helping a bit with that, so hopefully, we'll be back to our routine here shortly.

We got about 18 new inches of snow and our 50 meter driveway needed a good shoveling... YAY for snow. It's beautiful, but a LOT of work.

Mekayla started crawling and has learned to pull herself up to her feet. Unfortunately, she has not learned to keep herself on her feet when she tries to move from one side to the other. This has resulted in more bumps and bruises than I care to count. She also managed to get off my bed and fall down out top step last week... that could have been tragic. Our staircase is like a ladder and the only thing that kept her from tumbling all the way down was the traction strip of sandpaper that she got her face caught up on. Yeah... makes me feel like mother of the year. I guess that's one way to leave my mark on the world.

Of course y'all read about the granola bar incident. Poor Kaia has healed nicely. The staples came out last Friday, and it seems to be a distant memory for her. I'm not so sure it bares so traumatic in her mind as it once did because she has had as many granola bars as she has asked for whenever she asked for them and I think she counts that as a win in her book. :)

I think that about covers it for the tough 3 weeks. Oh, let's not forget that the gilrs aren't sleeping through the night anymore. Not sure what that is all about, but Mekayla wakes up at about 3am and 5am every morning. Then rustles around until 6:30 when she is up for the day. EXHAUSTING! Kaia does pretty well once she is down, but we have had 2 projectile vomiting sessions. One with Mekayla this morning and one with Kaia 3 days ago. Not sure what they have been eating to cause that, but it was a one-time deal that made terrible messes and then it was over, with little to no residual whining or fussiness. WEIRD.

So, I'm looking forward to getting a full nights rest and a break from the kids. I look forward to spending time with Ben too. I've missed him lots and could use some snuggle time and adult conversation. :)

Big Dreams 100 LB Fitness Challenge Report

2009-03-05T07:52:00.005-09:00

Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge
Name Start Current Goal Total % Loss To Go
Me 250 243 155 7 2.8% 88
Nicci 188 185.5 150 2.5 1.3% 35.5
Lacey 244 236 155 8 3.3% 81
Piper 209 202.4 150 6.6 3.2% 52.4
Jennifer 206 206 140 0 0.0% 66
TOTALS 17.5 7.4% 204.5
POUNDS LEFT TO CHALLENGE GOAL 82.5

We are off to a descent start, but have a ways to go. We need to start talking about our prize for reaching the goal. I'm thinking a mandatory pamper day where we take at least 2 hours without the kids to do something nice for ourselves. Clothes shopping, pedicures, margaritas with friends, whatever. What do you guys think? If we set that as our prize and we meet our goals. I'm going to expect a full report of your celebration. It is no small feat to lose 100 lbs. Thanks for joining me to make it a bit easier. If we each lose 20, we'll be there in no time. :) Keep up the good work and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

If you are interested in joining the challenge but don't wish to be named, just shoot me an e-mail and we'll come up with a nickname for you and we can support each other anonymously. :) Have a healthy one!

Sierra
shunsaker@hotmail.com

Okay-- She's Accident Prone

2009-02-18T19:50:00.003-09:00

So we visited Urgent Care yet again. That's 3 times in less than 6 months! It would be funny if I didn't know how much it hurt, but my little heart breaks to hear Kaia hurting like she was.

The girls and I were all snuggling on the couch watching Public Television when Grandma called. Like ritual with these calls, I ventured into the garage and various other parts of the house picking things up and wiping things down. I step out of the front room for 5 minutes and I hear this scared little cry. Like something is really bad, but she isn't quite sure how bad. I rush in to find her standing by the front door with a hacked up box of granola bars, a fillet knife and a stab wound to her left leg!

I think my last words to Mom were 'Kaia just stabbed herself, gotta go.' click. About a minute later she calls back to see how bad it is and where. It took me all of .02 seconds to figure out what had happened and another 2 minutes or so to decied I needed to take her in for stitches. It was about 1/2 an inch deep and just as wide. Not too big of a deal, but not going to stay closed with the location and her activity level. Plus, her legs really aren't that big, so 1/2 an inch pretty deep.

Apparently the box could take more of an assault than Kaia could handle. There were about big hacks in the box, so I knew she used significant force to drive that knife into her leg. :(

So, off we go again to the same doctor who checked her out after this and this. I was relieved to find that he wasn't suspicious of me coming in with pretty big accidents in such a short time.

The good news is that it only took 2 staples, the bad news is that there were a lot of tears. I even shed a few. I hate to see my little ones hurt or scared and Kaia was both. :( :( :( We survived it though and are all home safe and put back together. She will be on antibiotics for 10 days and can't swim or soak in the tub till the staples come out (the 10 days). That is going to be the worst for her. She LOVES the water.

Right now she is distracted enough with cheeze balz and 101 Dalmations, so I dared to steal away (not far enough to break line of sight) to type this. The tough part for me is having to admit that she is accident prone and I have to keep my eye on her and fight her to keep her safe. Tis the curse of moms everywhere!

100-LB Fitness Challenge

2009-02-18T16:02:00.006-09:00

You guys are doing great! Here's the chart for this week. I'll Edit it we need to update numbers or add anonymous people to it. If you would like to join anonymously or chat via e-mail for support I'm at shunsaker@hotmail.com. :)Keep up the good work and we'll get to our goal in no time.... Now we need to come up with a reward or prize for getting there. Any ideas!

Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge
Name-----Start---Current---Goal---Total---%Loss---To Go
Me-------250-----245-------155----5-------2.0%----90
Nicci----188-----185-------150----3-------1.6%----35
Lacey----244-----236-------155----8-------3.3%----81
Piper----209-----206-------150----3-------1.4%----56
TOTALS----------------------------19------7.3%----262
POUNDS LEFT TO CHALLENGE GOAL 81

Not sure why the format sucks. I'll work on it though.

Splish Splash and a Dash

2009-02-15T20:37:00.005-09:00

So, I got in the pool today and seriously timed myself to see what I could do. Then came home and signed up for swimming lessons. :) I swam laps for an hour and kept a pace of about 75yds / minute. Turns out that counts as 'slow' on MFD and I'm supposed to be training for a race! I was really working at it too. Ah well, gives me something specific to work for.

I think my real problem, aside from my size and the obvious drag, is that I don't like putting my face in the water; makes for bad form. Right now, it is more of a flop, cough and spit with a lot of splashing around. I caught the life-guard watching me with more concern than I like to see when I'm a good 2 feet taller than the water is deep.

Hopefully the lessons will help me, and I'll be more efficient. The good news is that I can do the distance of the swim in the triathlon in 4.5 min right now. Seems odd that it is a leg of the race and only takes me 5 minutes to do. But I checked and re-checked the distance and my time. The 3.1 mile run and 9 mile bike will be significantly longer.

When we got back from the pool, there were 2 moose bedded down in the yard! And I was all excited about enjoying the warmer weather (we hit 31 today!) and sledding in our driveway with the girls. Unfortunately the moose hung around till after dark. Here's a pic of the beady eyes bearing down to charge my dog. That was a bit scary. Dog= 5 feet from me, moose=10 feet from dog. I've been training, but I'm not fast enough to outrun an angry mama moose. Even with a woodpile and a dog between us, my mad dash for safety would have been worthless had she decided she didn't like my flash.

99 Thingie Meme

2009-02-14T20:56:00.002-09:00

(Just copy and paste this to your blog and bold the ones that you HAVE done.)
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band -if you count wii
4. Visited Hawaii—No, but I lived in Barrow and that is far more exotic
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain- at least one 14er and a few 12ers… I lived at 10K for the first 3 years of my life, that should count too.
9. Held a praying mantis -
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea—seen lightning, not necessarily a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie -
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job-- well, I would have had I not quit before walking out on my shift
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London -
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life -if you have kids, you’ve done this more than once.. er maybe that is just my kids…
90. Sat on a jury-- if you have kids, you are the judge, jury and executioner.
91. Met someone famous-- I've seen Sarah Palin a few times... does that count?
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake –I put my arm in… does that count?
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Getting Serious

2009-02-14T17:13:00.009-09:00

Okay, so I'm getting serious now. I'm still battling the ol' embarrassment issue with my triathlon. But, I'm not going to let it stop me.

The big day is May 13th. I will probably weigh in right around 220-225 at the rate I'm going, and I DON'T CARE anymore that I'll likely be the biggest girl on the course. I know that I can do the distances, and I know I can come in somewhere in the middle of the pack if I work at it. So, my 7000 calorie/ week goal is going to stand, but I am going to get specific about how I reach it.

I am going to do 3.1 miles on the treadmill, 9 miles on the bike and my weight circuit to muscle exhaustion 3/week and then hit the pool in between and swim laps for an hour. The race will be equivalent to 6 laps at my gym, so I'll do that as fast as I can and see where I'm at then train from there to push myself.

So far, I know I can do the 3.1 miles in 45 minutes on the treadmill. My goal is to get that down to 30 minutes at an incline of at least 1% and not using my hands. It takes me about 45 minutes to go 9 miles on the stationary bike. I'd like to get that down to about 30 minutes too, and I'm doing courses with hills and resistance. Man! That is tough on the rump!

I figure even if I don't improve anything, I will come in around 700th out of 1300. If I reach my goals, I will come in in the top 100! I know that the gym equipment is not the same as the real deal. So I will be really happy if I make it in in the top 200. Hopefully, the weather and the girls will cooperate soon so that I can get on the trails with my bike and chariot/jogger stroller. THAT would be good resistance training!

So, that's my goal. Thirteen weeks to Triathlon! Today I did my gym circuit training and it actually burns around 1700 calories according to MFD! I'm beat, but I'm excited. I only have about 2400 calories left to reach my goal this week, and I know I will pass it with my training plan.

As for the weight loss, we are doing great! I've got 2 gals on board and am waiting for everyone to send me their numbers so I can post our success! Only 95 more pounds to go together! Happy losing!

Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge
Name	Start	Current	Goal	Total	% Loss	To Go
Me	250	246.5	155	3.5	1.4%	91.5
Nicci	188	186.5	150	1.5	0.8%	36.5
Lacey
TOTALS				5	2.2%	128

My One Word

2009-02-08T18:08:00.004-09:00

When I first started blogging, I was inspired to come up with a one word focus for the year. It is an interesting concept that lends itself to bettering the world and bettering my personal universe. This one word is supposed to be a guide or a goal for making progress on a daily basis. I started with CHANGE in 2006. In 2007 it was INTENTION. 2008 got a little muttled with the difficulties of pregnancy, but the word to best describe it would b EXPAND. I expanded in patience, in family members, in humility and in size. Yay for pregnancy! I also expanded my comfort zone to include a few new ideas and hobbies. So that was 2008.

My one word for 2009 will be GRATITUDE. I want to show my gratitude for my body by taking better care of it. I also want to teach my girls to appreciate and take care of their bodies. I want to show more gratitude for the earth by being more proactive about conserving energy and utilizing all of my resources in a responsible way. I want to show more gratitude for my friends and family by making a stronger effort to keep in touch and encourage them in their own goals.

This one word is something that I have always felt in spurts, but have always been a little inept with demonstrating, and I've been really irresponsible about teaching it to my children in the past. No more though. My girls are going to learn how to appreciate the little things, take care of the big things.

I hope that everyone will take a few moments to identify a one word that inspires them to make positive changes and find meaning in their lives over the course of the next year.

A Fitness Adventure Entry

2009-02-04T08:19:00.004-09:00

I know! Two posts in two days! This is fantastic. I've been putting it off because I was just too overwhelmed with all the stuff that I hadn't reported on, but I figure the last post will do. I still have to get some of the photos from the family vacation on here, but that will be another entry... that's right, I didn't forget the promise I made.

So, I've been doing a lot of reflection and self-psychoanalyzing. The truth of the matter is that I have become nutritionally abusive to myself and am starting to pass that on to my daughters. It's an addictin and it's ruining my life. I see the cycle continuing. Bad habits were formed for me in the womb. I don't blame Mom and Dad, they had the same problem that I have... evolution and a serious history of bad habits. But damned if I'm going to pass that on!

Well, I'm going to break the cycle. I'm going to evolve into something that is going to work for me, and be a strength and inspiration for my girls. I started My Food Diary (MFD) again www.myfooddiary.com and I love it. I've got a great support group there in the 65+ lbs to lose group and I have already lost 26.5 lbs with this program! It is a healthy habits deal that helps you track and record the right kinds of nutritional balance for your body and activity level. It is very personalized and it is about healthy habits moreso than actual weight loss, but the healthy habits make for weight loss.

So, that's right. I gained crazy weight with Mekayla. A whopping 76 lbs and it really sucks considering that I had worked so hard to lose those exact same 76 lbs and then some after Kaia. But the good news is that I know I can do it and I am doing it. I've set high goals to lose 10 lbs / month and blew that out of the water in January with 17lbs! I've been busting my ass at the gym and at home on days when the kids are too sick to stay at the play center while I work out.

I've been watching the Biggest Loser this season and LOVE those guys. They are so inspirational and I am convinced that this can be done at home. Sione proved that this last month with a 25 lb loss. There is a guy on MFD who lost 25 lbs last month too, so weightloss and healthy habits can be without the ranch. I think that they are burning up to 7000 calroies a day on that ranch and I figured if they can do that in one day, I can do it in one week. So I did for two weeks and I feel TONS better. It is liberating and empowering to gain control in such a meaningful way and have it show on the scale.

Ben hasn't noticed any changes yet, but he will. I think he will come home from his 3 week stint for training and see that something is different. By then I hope to be down another 10 lbs bringing me to 36.5 lbs total! Even with as big as I feel, that is going to look different. I will probably be into a size smaller too. Good thing I kept some of my old clothes. Never mind that they range from size 6-20. Ok, the size 6 is a skirt I kept from High-school... It's a goal skirt. But really, what the hell?!? Who changes that rapidly in just 18 months? I went from a healthy size 10 in December of 2006 to a whopping 22 in July 2008. The plan is to be back down to a size 10 by December of 2009. What an adventure that will be. So far, I am right on track.

My first mini-goal was to get below 250 and I'm there. Yup, this chick-a-dee is sitting fugly at 250 again. But that won't last long, in fact, by the time anyone realizes that I'm blogging again, I'll be less than that anyway. :) So, Ben and I are going out sans-kiddos to celebrate a whole bunch of things. My birthday, his birthday, valentines day and my weight loss milestone. The next one is 25 lbs down the road and I hope to be there by the time we head out on our annual leave in April.

So, there you have it. No more fat me. Just a healthier, more reasonable me who is on the way to fitness and good life-long habits. As part of that, I will be participating in my first ever triathlon. Its in June and I will still be pretty big for a triathlete, but I'm looking forward to it and am excited that the idea of it is motivating me in the gym. If Dad gets into the Hard Rock, it might be fun to pace him again like I did in 2007. We would have to work out the logistics of that, but I'm thinking I would be back down to about the same weight I was when I did it the last time too. That would be GREAT!

So here is the schedule with coordinating status and rewards:

Feb 4th- 250 Achieved
A Date night to a nice place without the kids

April 15th- 225
A Family Vacation to see family and 5 or 6 National Parks

June 24th- 199
A Triathlon, a weekend with friends who last saw me at 276 and hopefully a trip to Colorado to pace Dad on the Hard rock at about the same weight as I did 2 years ago.

Sept 16th- 176
Exactly 100 lbs from my heaviest (this time) and deserving of a big drip somewhere awesome... I'll have to think on that one.

Nov 25th- 155
My goal weight. A trip to Portland and a $2500 shopping spree!... or maybe I'll get nominated and accepted for TLC's What Not to Wear... who knows?

So there you have it. My Holiday confession of self abuse, a big outting myself party about my weight, and the breakdown of goals from now to Thanksgiving to hold my feet to the fire. If anyone is interested in joining a collective 100lb Weight Loss Challenge, let me know and we can use my blog to track it. All I'd need to know is your current weight and have you report that once in a while. Best of luck to you in your weight loss adventures.

Hi

2009-02-03T15:49:00.006-09:00

So, it's been a while and I'm way behind so I'll sum up quick with pictures. Here are a few from Christmas... Super good times, lots of relaxation and too much stuff to play with it all and get full use of it. :) It was so fun to spend some time with my family and then to have Ben join us Christmas morning was perfect!

Kaia played so hard all day, dressed up in her tiara, grabbed all of her purses and a few toys of the moment and crashed hard. This is when we discovered her routine.

1. collect toys that we want to play with in our dreams.
2. find a comfy spot... just about any will do.
3. restrict all movement to what is required to pickie nose
4. pickie nose
5. crash till morning

Here is Kaia's 3rd Birthday. Celebrated with Grandma, Grandpa, Aunties Meadow and Summer, Tim and his son Vincent and of course all of us in our immediate family. Kaia rode this mary-go-round at least 50 times... cheap date! We had a fabulous time at New Years with Meadow and all of her friends... but I think she's got all the pictures of that one... maybe they are best unshared here anyway... heeee heee.

Here's a fun one of Kaia on the stairs a few days after getting back. I gues she had played hard enough and was in recover mode.

Since we've been back, we enjoyed one fun trip out to Knik glacier. I don't know what happend, -30 one day and then 40 the next. Everything melted down to the icesheet on the river so out we go in the Jeep. Here's Kaia having a good time in a dry, warm contained environment.
Somehow we got seperated from the group... which is a HUGE no-no in Alaska off-roading, but not our fault at all. I'm just glad we knew where we were and had preparations to get ourselves out by ourselves. Here is one of the spectacular vistas right before sunset. Of course, we had to put our jeep in it. :)

I guess that catches us up on the photos I have. Hope everyone had fantastic holidays and is starting off the new year happy and well. I'll catch up on everyone and post comments soon.

Me Me Me Meme

2008-12-09T18:47:00.003-09:00

I saw this over at Smile, Play, Dream, and thought I would play along

Five names you go by: Sierra, Mia, Mom, Seeester and Waaaaah!
Three things you are wearing right now:Yoga pants, Tank Top and a smile
Two things you want very badly at the moment: to be packed already, and the home remodel done when I get back.
Three people who will probably fill this out or maybe will or maybe won’t: Tiffany, Shiloh, Tricia
Two things you did last night: Dropped off Christmas gifts to neighbors and stayed up way too late.
Two things you ate today: Rice Crispy Treats and Chicken Marinara Bake
Two people you last talked to on the phone: Mom and Meadow
Two things you are going to do tomorrow: Travel 3000 miles alone with 2 kids under 3yrs old, and sleep well when I get there.
Two longest car rides: I drove 3705.54 miles from L.A. to Anchorage in 2005 when I was 5 months pregnant. Fun trip.
Two of your favorite beverages: water with lemon and hazelnut latte.

Christmas is Coming and Miracles Still Happen!

2008-11-28T21:56:00.006-09:00

I am so excited about Christmas this year. I would tell you all about the fantastic Thanksgiving... but without photos per our camera mishap, it just isn't the same. Let's just say that we gobbled till we wobbled and we enjoyed great company and good eats till the wee hours of the morning.

It was great to be able to stay in town to cut down on travel time for my maiden voyage on Black Friday. Let me just preface by saying that I don't think that 4am should exist. Before kids, I knew it as curfew and it sucked then. After kids I know it as feeding time or messy sick kid time and that sucks even more. But today, I knew it as fight the crowds and get all the shopping done time. That sucked too, but I was able to get all my goodies and I even managed to do so with some holiday cheer.

My friend and I slipped into her little sedan and zipped off to Toys R Us in the wee hours of the morning. Of course at 4am, we were completely unaware of the obvious flaw in our plan. I was out to get all the really BIG presents grandma wanted to get the girls without having to pay shipping, and my friend was out with a HUGE list to shop for her 3 kids. We made it all the way back to the car with our carts overflowing with boxes before we realized the error of our ways.

But, never underestimate mommy power. We somehow managed to get 6 huge boxes of diapers, an exersaucer, a toy kitchen, 2 go-go baby sit-to-stand giraffes, 2 packs of bateries, 2 baby dolls, 3 canisters of various animals, a dress-up treasure chest, 4 activity and bedtime books, an art box set, a large bag of doggie toys, 2 gallons of milk and a bicycle into the vehicle. There may have been more, but that is all I can remember from the groggy hours and extensive shopping lists.

I'm sure that without an act of mercy, it wouldn't have happened. Sadly, many of the boxes did become casualties of the fight and I'm sure we weren't traveling legally as we couldn't see out of any back or side windows but the drivers and front windshield. But I believe it was a true miracle that we arrived home in safety.

Of course when we went to pull out a man in the giant ford truck parked next to us comes out with his little dvd and video game and just shakes his head at the two clown-like girls crammed into a Saturn with WAY TOO MUCH CHRISTMAS to be practical or frugal in any way. He just shook his head and laughed... a good merry laugh, and I'm sure he wasn't the only one. Though, I wasn't able to see too well to know for sure. :)

I do hope yall had a happy turkey day and that your thoughts are in the spirit of Christmas as you go through your planning and holiday preparations.

Thought Provoking & Contravercial Part 1

2008-11-18T00:13:00.004-09:00

I'm not too big on getting behind a cause because I'm not so sure my beliefs are right. What I am sure of, is that the freedom to decide what is right for one's self has been bought with a great price and makes America an amazing country with limitless opportunity. I appreciate the diversity in ideas and opinions, and have even grown to love good discussion with people of differing opinions... so long as we can all be respectful.

I do however understand that there are some things worth fighting for. And despite various extremes in the beliefs of what is "right" or "wrong," I have to stand on the basic rule of humanity: Treat others how you want to be treated. When any issue comes up, I ask myself one question, "would this position victimize anyone?"

Now I have to define victim here because I don't want there to be any confusion. A victim is someone who has been harmed by someone or something else through no choice or consequence of their own doing. For the sake of this post, I am focusing on victims of other people's action or inaction rather than victims of circumstance, accident, disease or natural disaster.

Some issues create no victims no matter which position you choose, like the issue of religion; no matter which one you have or whether you even have one really doesn't victimize anyone. Some issues, however, create many victims no matter which position you choose.

Take defining gay marriage for example. I can honestly see both sides of the argument, and have decided it is more about personal beliefs than civil rights and both positions create victims. It's a beast anyway you look at it and victimizes no matter how you define marriage. Both sides would impose one personal belief on everyone... and THAT, I am pretty confident, creates victims. For that reason, I am against both sides. My current position is that marriage should remain a religious institution and has no place in government, schools or the workplace. Neither does sexual orientation for that matter.

For the record I have NO problem with homosexuality or homosexual behavior so long as it is not victimizing anyone. I don't even have a problem with gay marriage. I just don't like haveing marriage defined in the constitution. I can't see how commitments or actions between two consenting adults is anyones business but their own or how it could be a threat to anyone outside that commitment. I make no apologies about my belief on this matter. However, if you do see a victim and disagree, I welcome your insight and perspective. But you gotta talk my language or I get confused. Please do so in relation to my one question. What I really wanna know is how does your position protect or prevent victims?

I have a feeling that we haven't seen the end to this debate.

Now, I'm not as much of an all or nothing kind of gal as I used to be and have discovered that some issues really do have varying degrees of possibilities when it comes to taking a stand. But once a position is proposed as an amendment or an act of congress, it is an all or nothing kind of thing. You either accept all laws that come with it or you reject them all. And that choice may create a clear victim or victims. But I'm tired now and must provide an example of this in part 2.

Edited for clarification:

To be continued...

Thought Provoking & Contraversial Part 2

2008-11-17T23:43:00.009-09:00

Please Read Part 1 before continuing on...

On the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA), it is obviously more about civil rights than it is about personal beliefs, but this monster has a lot of heads too, and they bite everyone. I see abortion in general as a conflict between the rights of a mother and the rights of her child. The questions are: Who is the victim? when are they victimized? and What needs to be done to protect them? For the record, I believe that abortion is NOT a harmless form of birth control because no matter how it is done, it always produces a victim. But it's not about what I believe.

I do feel a great deal of compassion for women in the desperate circumstance of unwanted pregnancy, and think their rights should be protected. In fact, more should be done to educate all women on healthy options for birth control, to ensure that all pregnant women have access to medical care and nutrition for a healthy, full-term pregnancy, and to facilitate adoptions for those who so choose. But that is not what FOCA is about.

People make bad choices all the time and suffer the consequences, but they are not victims. In America, when someone’s bad choices harm someone else, there are legal consequences designed to restrict their rights enough to protect the innocent and discourage that kind of behavior in the future. I'm not saying that everyone who has had or performed an abortion should lose all their rights or go to jail, that would create more victims still. But I have every conviction that a fertile woman choosing to have sex chooses a potential pregnancy and is not a true victim simply for suffering the natural consequences of her decision.

With abortion, we have forever altered that natural consequence in favor of the stronger more able person (s), and victims are harmed every time. With FOCA, it would be easier than ever to look the other way as human suffering takes place and lives are smothered out or harmed forever. FOCA would erase laws that protect women against misinformation regarding the risks and gravity of the decision to abort. FOCA would erase laws that protect minors from manipulation or bullying by people who are not out for their best interest. FOCA would erase laws that protect parents of minors from not only being restricted from the decision-making process regarding a medical procedure, but also from having to pay for a procedure that may not be in the best interest of their daughter. FOCA would also erase laws that protect women from all the dangers and risks of receiving abortion procedures from unlicensed physicians.

Granted, even with laws as they stand, it is difficult to prove deception, manipulation, bullying or malpractice to identify the woman as the clear victim, but FOCA would erase any and all current laws in place to protect victims of these situations and even prevent states from enacting similar or better laws in the future.

As if that wasn't enough reason to oppose it, FOCA also compels taxpayer funding for abortions and forces faith-based hospitals and other private health care facilities to offer and perform abortions under the veil of a woman’s right to choose abortion. That opens up a whole different can of victims by imposing on religious beliefs and private enterprise. And I haven't even gotten to the most obvious victim of this act.

The obvious victim with abortion is always the baby, the only questions here are: When is a baby considered to be "someone?" and How much harm is done before the victim dies? FOCA would erase any and all laws protecting the baby from painful abortions at any stage of pregnancy, so long as a physician determines or ensures that the baby isn't viable, or that the mother's health is at risk in any way. This would include full-term babies, and even babies that survive horrific suffering for hours, days or even a lifetime after botched abortions. FOCA would inevitably erase any and all rights of any unwanted baby so long as its mother “chooses” to have a doctor terminate it before it is naturally delivered.

That's opens too many doors to victimize people in my book, and some legal regulations should be instituted to minimize suffering and protect the innocent. I am not sure which regulations need to be made, but I am convinced that removing ALL regulations on abortion would lead to immeasurable suffering, allow for pregnant minors, parents of pregnant minors, pregnant women and all unwanted babies to be more easily victimized by profiteers and bullies, and potentially lead to murder in cases where late term abortion attempts fail and a live "someone" is born and denied the necessary care to sustain life. I CANNOT support an act that would permit so much human suffering and death in the name of choice.

If this is a stand you feel you can make, please go to the Fight FOCA website and get involved. If you aren't sure where to stand on this issue, I encourage you to do the research and decide for yourself. If you stand on the side supporting this act, I welcome your insight and am open to new information that may help me further understand and clarify the point at which true victims are created and encourage discussion as to what could be done to protect them.

Some helpful sources:

Freedom of Choice Act: Entire Downloadable Document

NARAL Pro-Choice America
National Right to Life
Planned Parenthood
or just Google FOCA and get a virtual library of literature and opinions from everyone who has something to say about it.

So It's Been a While

2008-11-11T20:39:00.004-09:00

Heya friendly bloggers,

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted anything. We've had a death in the electronic family and I have been too bumbed to post the happenings without photos. Yeah, I know! The digital camera crapped out on us and right in the middle of our big family vacation down to see EVERYONE in the lower 48. I'm heartbroken to say the least, but Christmas will be long enough to mourn before we get a spankin new one with all the bells and whistles. :)

So the vacation was awesome. We had a great time and send many thanks to all the family and friends that made heroic efforts to accommodate us and our crazy crew. It looks like we may be headed back to Portland just before Christmas, but we gotta make sure Daddy Warbucks has enough airmiles to make it all happen. I'm not looking forward to traveling alone with the girls again, but sacrifices must be made so I can escape some of the hard winter... yeah, I know, Portland isn't quite the escape most people think of, but my mom doesn't live in Puerto Vaillarta. Dangit!

Anyway, the girls traveled really well and grams and gramps were really good to us. Kaia really enjoyed the Portland Zoo, Circus Circus Adventure Dome and playing with all her grandparents and cousins. Mekayla didn't care much and slept through most of it.

One fantastic thing that came from this trip is that we had plenty of hands to help with the transition from breast feeding to bottle feeding. Mekayla's poor little belly was just having a tough time with my milk, I cut everything out of my diet and still no help for the littles. So we are now on a soy-based formula with added rice and a shot of Mylacon and we have a whole new baby. She still spits, but not nearly as much as she used to and she seems a lot less anxious and rarely clenches her fists in pain anymore. It's amazing what diet can do for personality. :)

Halloween was so much fun, but again, no pictures. Which is really tragic because the whole family dressed up. Ben was Shrek, I was Fiona and the girls were little monsters. WAY CUTE. I'll see what I can get from our friends who took pix and post something for the record. That totally bums me out! I'm just glad the "treats" part of Halloween is finally over.

I have been tightening up on the "treats" I used to let slide and have officially signed up for the gym. I figured that when Ben is gone, I was dumping about $10 / visit on Carl's Jr. just so that I could get a break from Kaia and she could play with other kids. The Alaska club has a play center and it only costs $6 for both girls to be there for 2 whole hours to myself. You can't put a price on sanity! Plus, I'm getting my exercise and LOVING IT!!! Every last danged minute of it is FANTASTIC! and you can bet I wait till the very last minute to pick up the kids. Not because I don't love and miss them, but because I wanna make sure every penny counts.

Now, about counting, I've got a bone to pick about electoral votes. I really feel like my vote doesn't count. They called the presidential election hours before the polls even closed here. Heck, they didn't even make it to Colorado before McCain gave hes consession speech. Now I know that Obama won the popular vote too, but I wish they would have waited to declare it at least till I felt like my vote was in the mix. Anyway, congrats to all who are pleased with the outcome, my condolances to the rest of us. Now that it's over, we can unite in praying for our new president elect and that he will make decisions that will be good for our great nation. Here's hopin!

Well, since we've been back, I've started up the Mom's club book group and we had our first get together. It was nice, and I think that since more and more moms know who I am now and have been to my house, I will get more and more participation. That's right... dag-on-it, people like me.

This was especially good for my huge going out of business sale for Pure Romance. Can you believe I had nearly $5000 in bedroom accessories just sitting in my garage. Yeah, it would take a 100 lifetimes to take full advantage of that and we just don't keep that busy at our house. :) So, I had a little bash and unloaded at least 1/2 of it at screamin deals... like my cost or less. If anyone is interested, just shoot me an e-mail for a complete list of what is left and I will get it right to ya.

Well, Ben is headed back up to the slope and that sucks. It's always tough on the kids when he has to go. It's tough on me too, but I just slip into survival mode and keep my head down till he gets back. I'm hoping that between the gym and my mom's club, we will be mostly destracted and get through it without too much anxiety or drama.

Take care all and until next time... Ciao baby!

My Hand Gesture

2008-10-11T09:37:00.002-08:00

You Are an “A-OK”

Your life philosophy can be summed up as, “Whatever will be, will be.”

Your greatest wish is to live each day a little better than the last.

You are naturally calm and stable. Some people would call you a rock.

You feel one with the world. You are a spiritual person, though no one who knows you would guess it.

What Hand Gesture Are You?

A Meme of 7's

2008-10-11T08:44:00.004-08:00

I got tagged by Kendi so here goes:)

7 things I can do:
1. plan and pack for a 3-day weekend for 4 in less than an hour
2. eat a whole roll of oreos in one sitting
3. make cute babies, and keep em alive
4. manage a crisis
5. clean house all day and still have mess when the day is over
6. a kayak roll
7. eat with chopsticks

7 things I can't do
1. stay at home for more than 1 day at a time
2. eat slimy textures
3. keep my kids clean and dressed
4. manage a schedule
5. grow a successful garden... I planted 72 seeds in the spring and harvested only 1 pea... and the dog ate it. I've got plans for a new garden location and a better methods next year.
6. enjoy getting out of bed in the morning
7. color my own hair

7 things that attracted me to Ben
1. his silly giggle
2. his natural leadership
3. his integrity
4. his kisses
5. his wink and cheesy grin
6. his outdoor savvy
7. his groundedness and manliness

7 things I say most often
1. You're so silly!
2. Kaia, leave your sister ALONE!
3. One, Two...
4. Are you ok?
5. SHHHHH! Use your inside voice!
6. Good job!
7. Watcha doin?

7 Celebrity admirations
1. Oprah-- gives back and inspires others
2. Lance Armstrong-- overcome great odds
3. Susan G. Koman-- dedication for a cause that makes a difference
4. Dr. Oz- knowledge of health and fitness
5. Sponge Bob Square Pants-- sincere love and appreciation for the simple things
6. Alison Vincent-- the biggest loser lost 112 lbs mostly on her own.
7. Ekhart Tolle-- inspirational author with a positive message

7 favorite foods
1. chocolate
2. ice cream
3. grilled salmon
4. cheesecake
5. gourmet pizza
6. Tillamook caramel corn puffs
7. pit fruit (nectarines, plums, peaches, apricots, avocados, olives and all nuts)

7 people I tag
Well, if there are 7 people who read this blog that haven't been tagged... you're it.

We Won The Lottery!!!

2008-09-15T18:08:00.006-08:00

Well, we technically didn't win, but our friends did and gave us all the gold! Each year Denali National Park only allows 400 personal vehicles to travel the entire 97 mile length of the Denali Park Road and they hold a road lottery to determine which 400 get to go. It's outrageous! It costs $10/ ticket and you aren't guaranteed the specific date you request as only 100 cars are allowed each day over a 4-day "weekend." Even if you win, you still have to pay the $45 for the day pass and redeem it by 12pm the day of your lottery winning. But it is WORTH IT!Ben's friends had somehow scored 12 tickets and won 2 passes and invited us to join them for a spectacular journey through one of the most amazing places on earth. I can't imagine enduring that trip the way everyone else has to... by 16-hr-super-expensive-and-crazy-bumpy bus ride. It was nice to have the privacy, comfort and pace of driving our own vehicle. I'm certain that we wouldn't have another chance like this and we took full advantage.
It was incredible, almost like something out of a Dr. Seuss illustration. The bushes were purple, the trees were the most amazing golds and fluorescent greens, and the contrast of the fresh snowfall over the turquoise glaciers and black craggy cliffs were out-of-this-world SPECTACULAR! Photographs never do it justice, and the grand scale of the place is just unbelievable.I love being in places where I feel so small and yet so much a part of everything. The beauty of the wilderness always gives me a sense of connectedness and gratitude for life and the creator of it all. What an amazing experience to share with the family! Well, Kaia may remember it for all the wildlife we saw. But, I am sure that Mekayla just hated being in the car that long. I just hope that I get to bring both my girls back here someday to enjoy it how I enjoyed it.
We started the trip with keeping a wildlife tally in our heads. It didn't take long to discover that paper would be a much better method. At the end of the trip we had the luck of seeing 1 Red Fox, 1 American Beaver, 1 North American Porcupine, 2 Collared Pika, 2.5 Snowshoe Hares (one road kill that was being eaten by ravens to account for the .5), 3 Bald Eagles, 5 Mountain Goats, 6.5 Arctic Ground Squirrels, 8 Moose, 9 Grizzly Bears, 13 Dall Sheep, 18 Caribou and countless unidentifiable birds of prey riding the thermals along the steep mountainsides.

I did get a few wildlife shots, but my zoom isn't powerful enough to tell what is what. For more info and photos of Denali National Park, click here

More Kid Pix

2008-09-06T11:29:00.005-08:00

So the fam has been buggin' me for Kid pix. Here are a few to hold yall over till we get to see ya. Here's Kaia, pb face and all.

More fun Kaia. What a sport.

Here's Mekayla's sort-of smile with her little dimple.

Here's a good one of her normal attentiveness and a bit of concern... She is such a serious baby. A big yawn.

Here's the tail end of a little giggle.

Another Owie and Another Sleepless Night

2008-09-06T11:14:00.005-08:00

So we had another trip to the Urgent Care center at about 5 o'clock last night. Kaia and I were outside working in the yard and she took off her shoes... a major no-no in our yard... and stepped on a rusty, inch-long, trim staple sticking out of a rotting piece of wood. It's amazing what kind of stuff got stirred up in our landscaping efforts.

Anyway, Kaia is on anti-biotics and we are doing an epson salt soak every few hours to try and draw out the infection... which is impossible to avoid with puncture wounds like these. So far, she is being a trooper and toughing it out. But it is so pathetic to see her scoot or hop around the house trying to avoid putting any pressure on her owie. It looks like she is going to pull through yet another dangerous adventure on mommy's watch.

Onto other news, I can't sleep anymore. I think it started with the frustrations of bedrest and pregnancy, then the newborn demands, but now, I don't know what it is. I know I am tired. I know I am in desperate need of the rest. My body lays down, but my mind just keeps on spinning. Sometimes to a beat and sometimes so rapid-fire that I can't even catch up. I've tried meditation... that is only more and more frustrating as my meditation becomes the base line of my never-ending concert of thoughts. At about 4am I gave up and got some house work done. Of course, by the time I was ready to crash, Kaia was up and demanding immediate attention for her owie.

Poor kids... I'm gonnna try not to be worthless today, but my attempt may be futile.

A Day of Doctors

2008-09-04T15:44:00.003-08:00

Yesterday was largely spent running around town visiting doctors. First on the agenda was my 6-week check-up where, upon checking in, Kaia spewed chunks all over the lobby carpet. Now, most would see this as a sure sign of a new cold virus, of which I would have no business bringing her into an OB clinic with expecting and new mommies and infants. However, this is far more scary.

On Wednesday afternoon, Kaia climbed up onto the bathroom counter and tried swinging from the hand towel hardware. Of course it broke free from the wall tossing my little 2-year old onto her head... on a tile floor. The crash was sickening and I knew it was going to be serious. I did as every mother would do... examine for signs of trauma. No broken bones, no bleeding, no bruising and no bumps. But a LOT of tears, followed by a lot of whimpering and a very unusual nap, which is all really unlike Kaia.

So, I got scared and decided a more experienced exam should take place to rule out any serious injury. By the time we got to the urgent care center, Kaia seemed back to her normal self. I explained the situation and the doc sent us home with instructions to watch her behavior and bring her back on Thursday.

So with the new development of the vomiting at my doctors office, it was time to return to the urgent care doctor, who sent us to the radiologist, who sent us back to the urgent care doctor. Turns out the CT scan showed no bruising, swelling, tearing or bleeding on her brain... Whew! Such a relief.

Also, today her appetite has returned with a vengeance and no more vomiting... which is FABULOUS! Unfortunately, I think that my little Mekayla may have picked up a little bug at one of these many doctor's offices because she was up EVERY HOUR last night. I am exhausted, but at least everyone is ok.

Tis the Political Season

2008-09-02T19:25:00.008-08:00

I usually don't get too wrapped up in politics, mostly because nobody on any ticket ever really excited me. Never mind the fact that no matter who or what I vote for, I don't seem to get my way. However, I have been following the presidential candidates with mild interest and did get excited about McCain's surprise pick for running mate.
Sarah Palin is a home-town girl... not to mention a MY-TOWN girl... AND is a woman I can relate to. NOT your typical politician... and certainly not your typical Republican. She has done good things honestly in the state of Alaska and has even taken on some pretty big Republican dynasties of corruption in an "oil state" without batting an eye. I'm sure she isn't perfect, but damn if she isn't getting thrown under the bus!

Quite honestly, I am appalled by the total lack of respect and compassion the media has shown regarding her personal life, which so far, has NOTHING to do with her character or her ability to fulfill the Vice President responsibilities. But what really bothers me is the "shock and awe" attack she is getting from WOMEN on BOTH sides of the political ball field!

I know that not every woman will agree with all of her political choices... in fact, I'm one of them. And, I'm sure that she has made her share of mistakes. But it doesn't take a genius to see that the media is being really unfair to her and her family. I hate to pull out the "woman" card, but there is totally a double standard here that even women appear to be supporting.

Is it jealousy, or just plain self-righteous bitchiness that drives this kind of bitterness? I don't get it. Why can't everyone focus on what matters and stop picking her apart for her perceived "failures" as a mother? Why would anyone, especially women, doubt or even consider her ability to be a professional AND a mother when determining her ability to be Vice President? They didn't ask any other candidate in the history of the country if he could be a professional AND a father!

Don't they know that even full-time-stay-at-home mommies can't manage every decision their children make? Heck, I can't even get my toddler to follow my lead, and I'm still bigger and smarter than she is... well, at least bigger for sure. I just don't see the relevance here.

And, just for the record, that idiot who tried to draw the correlation by asking "Why would we trust her to manage the country when she can't even manage her own family?" obviously NEVER had kids. That guy's an ass!

For more Palin info go to her official Bio or this latest press release

While The Cat's Away...

2008-08-31T22:19:00.004-08:00

I think that Kaia has figured out that Mommy tolerates a LOT more than Daddy does when it comes to play time and messes. I don't like the messes, but some things are just messes and not worth getting all bent up about... THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM!

While posting the last blog, Kaia found her way here. Literally, only 10 feet away from me, but behind my back. I would have found her eventually... like when I turned around... but what gave her away was the smell of the Listerine she had sprayed from her lofty perch all over my entire kitchen! What's ironic is that it was placed there to be out of her reach.

Dang if that girl isn't sneaky! I figure if I can hear her, she's safe... well, not any more!
ALL THE MORE REASON TO GET THOSE DANG STAIRS OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!

Just in case you are wondering, our building permit was approved and we will be starting the addition to remove those stairs before winter. Also, the Listerine was in the spray bottle because it is a good mosquito repellent. Mix it 1 part Listerine to about 10 parts water in a spray bottle and it works like a charm. Much better than OFF, but still not fun to have all over the kitchen.

Summer in a Blink

2008-08-31T19:47:00.006-08:00

Wow! It seems like spring came in like a lion and went out with autumn on it's tail. It's already fall and I really don't think there was much summer to speak of. I don't think we saw temperatures over 70 but maybe once and now the leaves are changing colors and floating to the ground. It will be snowing again in no time and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

I know I have been totally inconsistent with my blogging, but hey, things are a bit hectic on my own here and I do what I can. Here are a few of the adventures we have enjoyed this summer.

From a little before my last post to date, we have enjoyed the following:

A really big bug, that I still haven't had a chance to look up and identify. But was not willing to pick up bare handed for obvious reasons. This is a gloved hand and the bug is held by a "stinger" that is longer than my index finger... You can see it sticking out under my thumb in the bottom right corner.
A trip to the U-pick farm... which was well picked before we got there, but we did get some peas. This was a family event that Ben enjoyed with us before heading up to the slope and yes, we know, that is a really big wagon for just a couple of peas (we had bigger hopes of more veggies)

A trip to the Alaska State Fair... which I braved on my own... with both girls on a rainy day. :) Yup, I've had better ideas, but this worked out ok and Kaia had a blast. Here is a photo of a weird guy with a cabbage fetish. He is palming a normal cabbage, the cabbage next to him weighs over 100 lbs.
Kaia had a blast on the rides. It took everything I had to drag her away from them. Luckily she was barely tall enough to ride all the rides and most of them didn't require an adult.
And my new-found luxury just 5 miles down the road that will help us through the winter... BOUNCIN' BEARS! They should replace every Starbucks with one of these! It's a 2-12 year old air-gym paradise where they actually enforce rules for safety and sanitation... The place is litterally cleaned 3 times a day with a bleach solution. FAN-TAS-TIC!
A few other developments to attempt a new balance and sanity in the chaos that is a new-born in the fam:

I have become increasingly more active in my mom's club... I am now the new book club coordinator, which is kind of funny considering that I've never been much of a reader. But I find that it is a great way to get some adult time and get a little escape in my day that is just for me. I just read Eat, Love, Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert and am excited about launching my new dynasty as the coordinator with a party at my place on the 16th of this month. I've never even belonged to a book club, so we shall see how things go. It should be interesting, stay tuned for a report.

With the mom's club, I've also start up a monthly play date at my place to finish projects and visit with any mom's club members that want to show up. If there is anyone in the area that isn't with mom's club, you are still invited. It will be at my place on Friday the 17th.

I also decided to stop selling Pure Romance. It was fun while it lasted, but has turned into a money pit for me. Not to mention the fact that this market is SO OVERSATURATED with home party businesses... not necessarily the adult variety, but I haven't had much luck here and my activity status lapsed months ago. The funny thing is that now I have about $5000 in inventory of which I could NEVER take full advantage. SO, I am going to sell everything off at my cost... 40-60% off and hope that my going out of business sale goes well. If you are interested, send me an e-mail and I will get you a list of inventory and the prices. I'm willing to send stuff out with a $5 flat rate for shipping. Just let me know by Oct. 24th.

So that's my summer in a blink. Here and gone and already fall.

Holding Down the Fort

2008-08-23T13:02:00.003-08:00

Ok. Since Ben has returned to work, the following has taken place in my home.

Kaia dumped an entire bottle of soap down the toilet, filling it to the rim with bubbles, used an entire bottle of shampoo on the dog and slicked the bathroom floor with about an inch of water, pooped in the toilet once, followed by another equally impressive poop in her pants which was later smeared all over the kitchen counter as she attempted to give herself a bath in the sink.

There was one vomiting episode by Kaia and several from Mekayla... Mekayla's are more spit-up in mass quantity than actual vomit, but Kaia's is a direct result from drinking the bath-water which, no doubt was also used to wash the dog and which she has been counseled NOT to upon threat of immediate end to bath time and the revoking of bath-toy privileges on more than one occasion.

The dog peed a marathon pee on the top stair and carpet... which leaked down every subsequent stair, down the bottom beam and onto the refrigerator, and floor beneath the stairs, tore up the insulation seal around the front door, 2 cardboard boxes left on the front porch and a pair of work gloves all of which I have not had the privilege of telling Ben about yet.

All of this on top of the regular messes and demands of caring for a toddler and newborn on a full-time basis. You would think that I was a negligent mom, but they are both fed, not clothed, but warm and protected from the elements, and they are for the most part very happy. I count this as a HUGE success and the fact that I can take time to write this now only means that I am hanging on to a bit more than a thread of sanity, Mekayla is asleep and Kaia is quietly up to something messy in the kitchen... ut oh, I better go see what she is up to.

My Fitness Adventure: Another Chapter

2008-08-20T00:01:00.003-08:00

So, this last pregnancy did not treat me nearly as well as the first and I gained a whopping 76.5 lbs. Yes, it is terribly sad, but terribly true as well. The only reason I admit this embarrassing fact is that I have begun a new chapter in my fitness adventure. After my smashing success of losing the 104 lbs in 2006, I gained all but 3 lbs of it back by mid 2008.

I attribute most of this to the fact that I lost that weight by drastically cutting calories and eating imbalanced meal plans that left me feeling deprived and hanging on to 1 and 2lb weight loss by my fingernails. The sad truth is that I never developed a really healthy lifestyle. Yes, I was more active in my youth, but I was never really healthy. Now that I've had a few kids and a few years on me, my metabolism just aint what it used to be.

SO, all that prefacing and now the point. I have joined myfooddiary.com and am trying to learn the healthy living habits that I have neglected for far too long. It is a great program that appeals to my obsessive side and requires that I enter all of my foods and exercise in an on-line system. It's been slow getting started because I am learning which foods are really nutrient-rich and the portions in which to keep my carbos, fats and proteins in balance.

Overall, I am pleased with it and am actually quite surprised at how easy it is to live a normal life and still lose weight in a healthy way. The thing is that I will keep losing weight until I reach my healthy equilibrium and it will be a life-long change... not to rebound in just 2 years.

I've had some great success so far and am ready to admit my past failures in the hopes that it will help someone else with the same battles to fight. I have officially lost 35.5 lbs since Mekayla's arrival, and I'm feeling optimistic that this trend will continue... I'm sure not as quickly due to the extreme water weight that just flushed itself out, but I like this direction and expect it to continue.

As far as the program goes, it is doable. I stayed under calories today BY ONE! How does that happen? What are the chances that I would consume exactly 1799 calories? I'm just glad I'm under, I will take that 1 calorie margin and be proud as hell about it.

I also got some smilies for eating my fiber, vitamins and minerals, but nowhere near the perfect 12 that my obsessive personality wants to see. The sad part is that I don't really care too much right now. In fact, I almost have a feeling of spite about not getting them all. Take that healthy eating plan! I'm going to be imperfect and enjoy it! I don't know what that is going to accomplish. But that is the way that I feel. A far cry from the guilt and self-loathing that came with botching the other diets I've been on.

I don't know if this crazy attitude is anxiety about hubby going back up to work, frustration that I'm restricted by my parental responsibilities, or just plain exhaustion. Maybe a little of each. Either way, it's something that has to be addressed in a different way or things are going to peter out here really quick... or head to utter chaos.

I got 20 minutes of chores in and said "Screw it! Let there be MESS!" I really don't give a crap today. My best mess solution is to just get out of the house. Luckily we blew a transformer in our kitchen light and decided to make a family day of shopping 3 different stores to buy a new fixture. All of this with 2 kids is a workout in and of itself, but not really anything I can count and be proud of. I find myself making the all-too-convenient excuses.

Having a kid stuck to my boobie, shouldn't excuse as much as I let it. I swear that kid is going to suck my will to live right out my left nipple. I seriously don't know how I did this for 7 months with Kaia. But it is still no excuse to let everything go as I have done. It is time to start instituting some structure in our daily existence. It's time I start being more intentional about what happens when, because I am not getting anything done and Ben is going to be gone for the next 2 weeks... this is going to be tough. If I survive, it will be by the skin of my teeth.

As challenging as it is to find the balance in my new parameters of motherhood, there have been some big successes. Mekayla did fall asleep for about 2 hours allowing us to stroll her down to the lake for a bit. She slept while the rest of us played some fetch with the dog... at least HE got a good workout in... and it was nice to do something other than diapers and feeding.

And, if nothing else, the lake trip was good for comic relief. After about 10 minutes of warning Kaia not to go too close to the edge of the dock, Ben miss-stepped and went in the drink. I wasn't quite sure if I should laugh, or offer to help in some way. The look on his face as he realized there was nothing he could do to stop it was classic. Then he disappeared in frantic splashing before popping back up on the dock in total confusion.

After witnessing the whole event, and finding him dripping into a pool of muddy water, Kaia just had to ask the obvious "Daddy go whimming?" I'm sure she was totally confused as to why he would take a swim after warning her relentlessly about how dangerous the water was. I'm still not sure how it happened, but he was a good sport about it, and thank heaven's too because I don't know if I could have held in the laughter that was just screaming to come out.

Overall, it wasn't a bad day, but I think I am due for a little ME time... thus the blogging. Although, had I been more motivated, this time would have been spent on the treadmill. Take that you wretched fitness machine!

Off-Road Fiasco

2008-08-09T16:32:00.004-08:00

So I promised a post about the Off-Road Adventure that took Hubby and Kaia into the wee hours of the morning... 4am to be exact. Here are a few pix to help tell the story.

Wednesday night Ben got a call from his buddy to go help recover a Ranger from out at the glacier (20 mile off-road trip). Apparently, the guy tried crossing the river in a bad place and his rig floated downstream and flipped.
The guy offered $1600 to fetch it, so off they go into the night only to return at 4am with mud-covered rigs and NO Ranger. Not to mention the fact that my kid comes back wearing nothing but a diaper to her knees (clearly not changed all day), a peanut butter/sand concoction all over her face and a crazy hairdo like she's coming off a 2-day crack binge! And sure, that is the perfect example of a snuggle buddy honey, throw her right in between the sheets just like she is!

Well, we recovered from Wednesday and had planned to make a family camping trip out of it this weekend. Unfortunately, the kids got sick... throw-up sick... and I thought it irresponsible to take them out in the rain for hours on end while the boys try again to recover this rig. Though I was really looking for a way to feel okay about being irresponsible, I couldn't do it. So Ben went without us, and had a great time wheelin' around in the mud.
Anyway, long story getting longer, Ben went back out there and swamped our jeep... AGAIN! I have decided that it is a "Family Recreation" activity and I need to be there to keep Hubby from turning wheels-up in the river too. Here's the picture that had me questioning my hubby's judgment. What gets me is the expression on our dog's face with water only inches from the bottom of the window... in a lifted jeep on 35" tires! That water must have been a good 4 feet deep! UGH!
The good news is that they were able to recover the Ranger, the damage is minimal and Ben already has practice pulling out the upholstery in that rig as this is the second time he has swamped it. Even better news is that now we have some extra cash and all the parts to put a snorkel on the jeep so we don't have to run the risk of permanent engine damage. So far, we have been really lucky, but our luck will run out sometime and I just want to be prepared as possible.

All I gotta say is that I would have been furious if Ben had pulled that crap with me and my babies in the rig. I'm still a little ticked that he swamped it the first time with me and Kaia in the rig nearly 2 years ago... and I'm not even a grudge holder. I guess things could have been a lot worse and I should be grateful.

A Really Tough Place

2008-08-07T22:02:00.005-08:00

So here is a dilemma that has been on my mind for a few days and I thought I would put it out there in the blog sphere for some feedback. As many of you are like-minded mommies, this is a really tough spot to be in, and I would like your advice.

Since I was a little girl, I believed in the concept of "starting over." We moved around a lot and as part of my mom's attempt to help us cope, she taught me that it was an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and go to a new place where nobody would know about them. It was a beautiful concept in line with my Christian upbringing, and I really liked the idea of a "clean slate."

As I got older and made bigger and bigger mistakes, I learned that the "clean slate" concept is a really tough place to get to when everyone is throwing it back in your face. I guess that is part of the reason I get so excited about the big scary adventures like the one that brought me to the last frontier. In my experience, I learned to forgive and forget. Move on from the mistakes made and learned from and accept everyone despite their past.

For a long time, I didn't know or associate with anyone that challenged that way of being in the world. But that all ended recently when an ex-con requested membership in our off-road club. It was an issue brought up in a club meeting and was handled pretty delicately. This man made some really bad decisions for about 5 years and created a really big mess for himself. Fortunately, there is no criminal history past 1999, but his past is something that concerns me when deciding weather or not to accept him into our group.

I guess I don't have enough information and am in a tough place of knowing that it really isn't my business to know the details... I probably don't want to know the details anyway, but for the safety of my children, I need to know what this guy did to get a "sexual abuse of a minor second degree" felony under his belt. It sounds awful, but it could be that he was 18 with a 15 year old girlfriend. Unfortunately, I'm thinking he was in his 30's when he was charged and found guilty so that "best case scenario" is a bit far fetched.

With cases like this, I've heard that criminals of this nature cannot be rehabilitated. No amount of time in prison will "cure" them of their impulses, and despite how much he may want to, he can't learn from his mistake and never repeat it again.

If that is really the case I won't put my children at risk for that. What is worse is that despite how much I would want to forgive him and let him have his "clean slate" with me, a complete stranger to him, I don't want to be on guard every time he is around. I don't want to wonder what kind of horrible things he has done and completely forget about the fact that he has paid his debt to society and is trying to start over just as I have done many times.

Had it been anything else, Robbery, Grand Theft Auto, even Domestic Violence or a DUI resulting in a death would be something I could get over. But this is not something that has been proven to be a one-time gig with any offender, and I do perceive a real threat to the safety of my baby girls, even though I don't know the details.

There may come a time when the club will make a motion to vote this guy into our group, and I am at a loss as to how best to handle it. My comment to the club was that "so long as my children aren't at risk, I think we should give this guy a chance." The problem is that knowing now that my children may very well be at risk, I don't want to give this guy a chance to hurt them. That instinct is much stronger than my intention to give him a chance for a clean slate.

I guess the question is What would you do?

Landscaping: Alaska Style

2008-08-07T21:27:00.006-08:00

They say everything is bigger and badder in AK, and I think that they might be right. At least I'm sure the mosquitoes are bigger and badder. For the first time in months, I have been feeling up to getting my hands dirty. I spent a good 4 hrs digging in the dirt, moving around rocks and stumps and salvaging the flowers in the plow zone.

Ben rented a dozer to level out our land for our addition and the landscaping plan for our new back yard... which is to be fenced for child and canine containment ASAP! Right now, the property is a giant gravel site. But at least it is flat and we have eliminated the low spots that proved to be mud bogs during this year's break up (Alaskan for spring). There are some things that just need to be done, and I consider this one of them. It did cost us a pretty penny to get everything rented, delivered and sorted out... and the gravel wasn't cheap either.

The concept is good, but the process is MESSY. I think it will be a better use of our acre and will allow us to increase the property value, or at least resale-ability to have it be more kid-friendly. Most of the materials are here already, and I think we can make it really nice for about $4000 including fencing, grass and this weeks extensive excavating. Although it has been a TON of work, I think it has been pretty fun for all of us. I really enjoyed getting outside even though I'm a little sore from attacking it a bit harder than I should have this close to the c-section.

Gotta love the home improvement projects. Especially the long-term continuous projects... much like the kitchen, which, buy the way, got the trim put on last weekend. YAY! Things are finally coming together... Now for the big addition!

(Ben and Kaia pushin' da Dirt)

(Kaia, takin' a break, and yes, those are real Carhart coveralls, work gloves and her favorite rain boots that she never takes off. It's also a real wheelbarrow and roll of TP... strange combo, I know, but they all serve very important roles in a project like this.)

(Kaia and Nui ready to go play hard after a hard day's work... don't worry yall, I stayed home with the baby, and good thing 'cause they didn't get back till 4am! But that is a story for another post because that saga will continue this weekend.)

Can You Tell 'Em Apart?

2008-07-30T13:26:00.005-08:00

At first I didn't believe it. I thought that Mekayla looked so much more like my side of the family than like Ben's. Kaia was unmistakably Ben's little girl, but Mekayla looked more olive toned and seemed to have more of the Nelson traits of high cheek bones, almond eyes and a fuller mouth. However, upon closer inspection, in photos, from the same age, they look VERY similar. So much so, that had I not known which pictures were taken when, I would have a tougher time telling them apart.

Maybe it is because most baby's look round and squishy, or maybe it is because Mekayla is still so new, but I think they look like they could be twins. They will both have the Hunsaker Blue eyes with the long eyelashes. They will both have the little round faces with almond-shaped eyes from my side of the fam. And they both have the pointy elf ears little round noses that swoop up from who knows where. I think I am going to have to pose Mekayla in the same clothes and positions and really compare, but I think they are more alike than not.

Can you tell them apart?

A: Kaia is shown in the first two photos and Mekayla is in the last two.

Gratitude Sunday: The Little Things

2008-07-27T20:48:00.001-08:00

It has been a while since I last posted a Gratitude Sunday. Not that I haven't had much to be grateful for, but because I have been really lazy. I have been thinking a lot this week about the things that I have gone without for so long and had taken for granted. Even when they were gone, I took them for granted until I go them back.

With pregnancy comes many discomforts and inconveniences and I would like to take a moment to list a few of the things that I have enjoyed so much about NOT being pregnant anymore. For a few of my readers, I apologize that for the insensitivity to your pregnancy status. If you are one of the lucky ones who can do pregnancy beautifully and don't have discomforts or inconveniences like these... You can be surrogate for my next kid, 'cause I ain't doin' this again!

1. I can fall asleep and wake up in the same position... EVERY TIME!!! I know this is partly because I only sleep in 2.5-3hr shifts, but it is nice to sleep straight through those hours and not be wakened by the numbness in my arms, legs or fingers or the incessant tossing and turning with a gigantic belly.

2. I can take my scalding-hot-turn-my-skin-pink showers that I love so much and actually stay on my feet without feeling faint or worrying about cooking my baby.

3. I can go up the stairs, do laundry, sweep the floor and put away dishes without getting winded.

4. Though I am still crazy tired, I have more energy and motivation than I have had in MONTHS!!!

5. I can easily put on socks, pants, underwear and even give myself a pedicure!

6. I no longer have the intense cravings for high-sugar / high-fat foods that helped me pack on the unsightly pounds I accrued with pregnancy.

7. I'm still pretty emotional, but not nearly as cranky. I attribute this to the leveling out of the hormones.

8. My boobs once again protrude further out than my bellybutton.

9. I can have a regular bowel movement... on a regular basis.

10. The really big number on the scale is finally decreasing at a steady and acceptable rate.

More Pretty Baby Pix

2008-07-21T20:39:00.005-08:00

So, I am back to "the world is wonderful" feelings again. No, the family isn't in perfect health yet, but things are looking a lot better. The bilirubin count is way down to the safe range again and the chest colds are dissipating a bit. Here is my favorite pic of the girls so far. I am one lucky mommy. Kaia has adjusted really well to her new role as "BIG SEESER" and she is getting better at pronouncing "Mykaywa" I really think that Kaia has taken ownership and it is really sweet to watch them together.
Here is one of the better pictures from the hospital. I was surprised at how alert and happy Mekayla has been from the start. The jaundice got to her a bit and she slept a lot... one of those disguised blessings I guess, but for the most part, she has been an angel.
Kaia and Mekayla are going to be good buddies. I think that Kaia is happy to have another kid around. Even though Mekayla isn't so big on the interaction just yet, Kaia pretends that she tells funny stories and gets a kick out of when she "toots" the "toots" aren't Mommy and Daddy's favorite thing, usually because it is the 16th or 17th diaper of the day and it gets a little old. But at least we all know that the systems are functioning properly.
Here is Mekayla's first bath. After a day of countless diapers it was Daddy's turn. He isn't quite as efficient with the tiny diapers and I was relieved that he was taking over the poo duties for the moment. Then I hear "ugh oh, where'd THAT come from?" My curiosity got the better of me and I wasn't a bit surprised to find a squirt of poo trailing from the diaper to the bed. "I'll give you 3 guesses Honey." He didn't need all 3, but before he was done, we had gone through 2 bed sheets, 1 outfut, 3 diapers and a towel.

Bless his heart for trying, at this stage, it's projectile poo and poo handeling isn't one of his strong suits. I'm just grateful that he has been going the extra mile to make my life easier and really paying attention to the needs of the family. It is totally awesome to have him home for 6 weeks to help me out... cause I really, really have my hands full.

Oh, the joys of parenthood.

Mekayla Breyane Is Finally Here!!!

2008-07-19T00:20:00.006-08:00

We welcomed our Mekayla into the world at 9:49 am on Monday July 14th! She weighed 7 lbs. 12 oz and was 20 inches long. It was a planned c-section birth that went smoothly and without complication and everyone was happy and healthy for at least a day. It was a beautiful day and I can't remember feeling that happy and comfortable in a really long time... I know, I know, part of it had to do with the drugs, but really, it was more than that. A real sense that all was right as it should be and that everything that really mattered in my world was perfect! I LOVE THOSE KIND OF DAYS.

I wish I could report that the days following that one perfect day were just more of the same fantastic perfection, but I'm just grateful that things weren't a lot worse than they got. Things were going so well at first that we decided to head out for home a day early and the docs could see no reason for us not to begin the adjustment and recovery at home. So, off we went, and things just seemed to fall apart.
My recovery was going really well... it still is for the most part and Mekayla is still very strong and beautiful, however, a nasty chest cold has settled right down on our little family and made my body ache like nothing I have ever felt. I thought a few of my violent coughing fits would split me in two, but alas... I am still alive and in tact.

Then we discovered that the bilirubin levels that were "ok" the day before, somehow reached a "high risk" zone and there became a real threat that we might have to return to the hospital for treatment. I believed exactly what the doctors were telling me about jaundice being common and not being too much cause for alarm... then I started asking questions about what it really was and what caused it... what could happen if it goes untreated and what it would take to treat it if the levels were "high risk." That's when things got really scary. At her age, Mekayla's bili reading of 21 was just too high to ignore... not quite the risk of brain damage, but within 4 points of being a real threat.

I hate it when kids get sick and it is even worse when they seem so tiny and helpless. We have Mekayla on phototherapy and it seems to be doing the trick. So far, it is ok and the only side effect is a globug baby at the bedside and she is still crazy cute. I will keep yall posted on any updates, and we should know on Sunday if I really need to be freaking out... of course you know I already am... but I am trying to keep that under wraps for the sake of my poor hubby... I think my emotional roller coaster might just be freaking him out a bit.

Anyway, Kaia has been adjusting well to the new baby situation, but is having a tough time with sharing the attention. I am doing the best I can to give her the attention she is so desperate for and have found ways to overlook her erratic and near psychotic behavior in lieu of the stress it must be for her. For the most part, she has been a doll, but I caught her trying to reason with Mekayla that it was time for her to go home.

Poor Mekayla was just laying there... asleep, not even moving, not making a peep, not demanding any of my attention in any way, and I wasn't giving it to her... but Kaia knew that somehow that little baby was siphoning off some of the loves that used to be all hers and she thought that it was time to send the baby back to the hospital.

I am convinced that she still loves the baby and that she would be so sad if she never came to visit, but it is apparent that she is having a tough time of adjusting. Ben is doing really well. In fact, I am surprised at how well he is taking care of everything. I am sure that it is hard on him to have to share the attention and disperse it appropriately as well. Especially now that my mom is no longer managing the chores and distracting Kaia with oodles of attention and prizes and all the spoiling activities that grandma's like to do.

I must admit, it was really nice to have her around and I am sad to have her go. I just couldn't justify keeping her away from her home for more than a month because I need my mommy... but sometimes, I just do. I am so glad to have family that loves and supports no matter the cost or inconvenience. I am one lucky girl!

Anyway, sorry for the sporadic thought processes and the long delay in posting the news. I gotta get back upstairs and feed my little glowbug.

A Meme for You

2008-07-05T12:37:00.003-08:00

I've been tagged by Shiloh and have been in a bit of a blog funk, so here goes.

Five Things to do on my List today
1. Make a baby
2. Keep Kaia from picking up any more bees
3. Try to keep from having those yucky contractions (at least till Ben get's home)
4. Play fetch with Nui for a few minutes so he doesn't feel so neglected
5. Try my best to keep my sanity

Snacks I Enjoy
1. Anything Chocolate
2. Fresh fruit... especially nectarines and berries
3. Crunchy, salty things like popcorn, chips and pretzels

Things I would do if I were a Millionaire
1. Remodel and pay off the house
2. Contribute to non-profit organizations that help women and children
3. Invest in something solid (if anyone knows of anything in this economy, let me know)

Places I have lived
1. Provo, UT
2. At 10,000 ft elevation in Elk Meadows, CO
3. Montrose, CO
4. Midway, UT
5. Albuquerque, NM
6. Beaverton, Banks and Portland, OR
7. Seward, Anchorage, Barrow and Wasilla, AK
8. Vincennes, IL
9. Lisbon, Amora and Arrentella Portugal
10. Santiago, Cabo Verde

Bad habits I have
1. Eating too much
2. Not sticking to a schedule
3. Biting off more than I can chew

Jobs I have held
1. Retail Clerk
2. Tour Guide / Deck Hand
3. River Guide
4. Program Director for Outdoor Adventures
5. Missionary / Clergy
6. Public Relations Director
7. Mom

I now tag: Christina, Kim and Kendi

The Birth Order

2008-06-11T12:11:00.002-08:00

I received this in an e-mail and thought it was fitting... although, I do find myself guilty of a few of the 3rd baby behaviors with baby #1. My second baby is doomed!

Maternity Clothing:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/ GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

_____________________________________________________
The Layette :

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

______________________________________________________
Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

______________________________________________________
Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from th e baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

______________________________________________________
Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

______________________________________________________
Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

______________________________________________________
Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby : Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

______________________________________________________
At Home:

1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance.

Pregnancy Update

2008-06-08T11:36:00.002-08:00

After my last visit to the doc, it turns out that my days of torment have been limited by about a week. The doctors feel that given the circumstances and misery of this pregnancy and the risk of going into labor early, coupled with the complications from my previous labor and delivery constitute a c-section on the 14th of JULY!!! Yippie! Not so excited about the c-section, but that there is a definite end in sight that is safest for both baby and me is really good news.

Ben did have to reschedule his annual training, as he wasn't going to be here on account of work. But they were good enough to reschedule that for September and he will now have a little over 6 weeks paid leave after the baby comes. The 2-week rotation is really tough, but I gotta say that 6 weeks is a good stretch of vacation time. I just wish that we could go do something amazing... maybe we'll spend some time on the Kenai at the end of that... we shall see.

As far as the gender of the baby goes, Ben and I are still not ready to concede our hopes that it is a boy. The ultrasound technician claims that there is a 90% chance that it is a girl... but we can't bring ourselves to call our little mystery baby a she just yet... not only that, but we still can't agree on a girl name and we are really clinging to that 10% chance till we can verify for ourselves in July.

The Wheelin' Season Has Officially Ended!

2008-05-28T20:56:00.005-08:00

I am more than disappointed that the first "real run" of the season has officially become my last. I did great out at Knik with the clean-up and had little to no discomfort while riding on the trail. However, this weekend was a MUCH DIFFERENT STORY. But before I get into all of that, here is a pic of all the rigs on this run. We are the first rig on the left.

The snow got a little deep at the top, so we turned things around a little earlier than planned... which by that point, was more than ok with me. Here is a picture of a few of the rigs that got into the deeper stuff. This is actually the best kind of wheelin' because it doesn't tear anything up that won't melt away and reveal the pristine environment that is my back yard... well, technically about an hour behind my back yard.

We ran into a few problems with our tire... the trail proved a little rockier and rougher in parts than our sidewall could handle and a bit of mud got into our bead. When we stopped for lunch, I heard this hissing sound coming from the fron't tire. This is the fix it process on the trail. Not sure how they did it, but we don't need to do any more fixing and it was all done with what we had between us on the trail... my guess is some form of lighter fluid and a match. BOOM! Anyway, it worked out and we all got home safely.
After all the muddin' and rockin' and rollin' we headed back to the creek for an Alaska Car Wash. This is one of the highly modified rigs... yes it is a wagon, but it's got some 40" boggers on it... and they are completely under water. FUN STUFF! After a few runs through the river, most of the undercarriage is cleaned and the mud is out of the axles and breaks... the rest of the car is better left dirty as the mud is a badge of honor that proves that our rigs don't just look good on the highway but actually get out and PLAY.

I knew that this kind of rough play was going to be a little risky before we even headed out because I had been having more of those Braxton Hicks Contractions than I should be at 32 weeks... mainly because I had been overdoing it with the yard-work and chasing down Kaia to prevent potential drownings, rescue searches and toddler/vehicle collisions. But I had pretty well recovered from those and thought it would be worth a shot to see if I could get out of the house and play... besides, how hard could it be to sit there and "supervise" the boys while they try stuff they shouldn't?

Well, it was a LOT tougher than I thought it would be. About 1/2 way through the first planned trail run, I was feeling achy and crampy, by the end of the day, I was getting out for any unnecessary roughness. Knowing that was a possibility before even going out, I planned ahead and convinced Ben to let me drive our other rig out to base-camp just in case I needed to come home early... and I did. What was supposed to be a 4-day weekend of playing in the hills/mud/rivers/snow turned out to be 24 hours of "THAT was a bad idea."

After 3 days of rest and a late-night visit to the Birthing Center, I am NOT in labor and have posed no real risk to baby or myself. However, I have been put on Modified Bed Rest which means no sex, no driving, no stairs, no picking up Kaia, no shopping, no yard work and no exercise. Basically, I can get up to pee, shower, eat and well, that is about it.

This is going to be really tough because my bedroom is upstairs... really steep stairs, and Ben just left for the slope. I guess that will make not having sex easier, but how do I avoid driving, picking up Kaia, shopping or having to chase after a runaway toddler? If I let Kaia out of the house, I will definitely have to do some chasing, and she is going to go nuts if I don't let her out. The good news is that Mom was super excited about hopping the first plane up here to help out so it won't suck as much as it could. Things will work out, but I gotta admit that I HATE that I really need the help.

If any of you have ever been on bed rest, or partial bed rest, I could sure use some pointers on how to keep my sanity. This is going to be a really tough 8 weeks.

Muddin' in Alaska

2008-05-22T11:45:00.006-08:00

Last weekend we had a great time helping with the Knik clean up. Every year the off-road clubs from all over the state of AK get together to clean up one of the most frequently used wheelin' grounds in South Central AK. All sorts turn out for this big event, mostly 4-wheelers and dirt bikes, but a few creative and generous souls bring out their big guns to tow the heavy stuff... like burned out vehicles, refrigerators full of last year's catch and other crazy junk.
"70's ON STEROIDS"
Here is one of my favorites. This VW van would be perfect with giant lime green flowers on the tires and psychedelic flames down each side.

"MUDDIN' IN AK"
Here is our not so flashy rig tearing through the mud and the muck that is Knick Glacier sand and silt. Kaia LOVES the bumpy rides but isn't quite such a fan of the articulation. When she is looking out her window at either the sky or the ground, she starts to hang on to the edges of her car seat and make nervous noises. I don't know how much longer I can handle the bumpies though. I was a little uncomfortable with all the weight I have sitting in my lap, but overall, it was a great trip. We will see how this weekend goes with 2 big bouncy trips planned for Saturday and Sunday. The good news is that there is enough stop-and-shoot-the-bull time to recover. Grandma thinks it is the fool-proof way to go into early labor... I guess I will just listen to my body and not be afraid to speak up or turn back if I need to.

"PURPLE MOUNTAIN MAGESTY"
I love this picture of the river and the glacier. This is God's country and I can't believe how generous he was to us last weekend. We had perfect weather and amazing scenery to contend with as we did what we love in the great outdoors. This view is only 30 minutes from our house and we have actually been all the way out to the face of the glacier several times. On a good day, you can drive right up on the ice... It's a good 3 hour drive from where this picture was taken to the glacier face through 3 river crossings, a pretty serious maze of beaver ponds and a whole lot of bumpy rock climbing over the terminal moraines. SO VERRY WORTH IT THOUGH... if you have the right rig. :)

"WHATCHA GOT FOR LIFT UNDER HERE?"
Here is a classic example of what Alaska does to kids. This new shiny jeep showed up to help out with a vehicle drag out and Kaia climbed right underneath to check out the components. Most of these rigs are so highly modified they can't be driven on the road, but Kaia loves them all. I think it must be like a fantastic jungle gym for her to be around so many big toys... I know it is a wonderland for Daddy. The funny thing is that anyone new to AK off-roading will ask "Is that normal?" And to that, we respond "for her, YES!" What more can we say? She is her Daddy's little girl.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-10T11:49:00.004-08:00

This is a fun clip that has been floating around the e-mail box for a while and I thought I would pass it a long to all the moms out there in case some of you haven't seen it. Enjoy your big day.

Unconsious Mutterings

2008-05-03T23:09:00.006-08:00

I found this on Smile, Play, Dream and thought it would be kind of fun. To play along click here.

State :: Of mind

Lively :: Conversation (does 2-year-old jibberish count? It's definitely lively, but is it really conversation?)

Valet :: Parking (now where would I go that would even have a valet option?... hummm.)

Traction :: Device

Official :: Basketball Ref.

Red hot :: Chili Peppers (I really like their new cd!)

Powder :: Puff Football

Replies :: E-mail

Flagrant :: Foul (humm, you would think I was a sports fan, but alas, I watch home improvement shows. misleading, I know... maybe I need to jock it up a little and get out of my flower beds.)

Tweet :: ..ie bird

This has been kind of surprising. I can't just go from one word to the next without trailing off into a tangent of other thoughts. I realize now that I may have been suppressing my inner athlete. Nothing like a big pregnant belly to lose my foothold on staying in shape... oh well, I can't be pregers forever. 11 weeks and counting!

The Princess and the Frog!

2008-04-29T23:22:00.007-08:00

Kaia is starting to get quite a bit of sass and real sense of humor. I think she does stuff just to see if she can get away with it or sometimes just to make us laugh. Here is one of her vogue self-photos she loves to take knowing full well that she is NOT supposed to touch mommy's camera. But she is so dang cute as she strikes a pose and takes super closeups of her eyeballs. Yup, you guessed it, we have dozens of these kind of shots. The tough part is that she knows she is cute and that she can get away with it.

This weekend she pooped in the tub, a thing which is not all that uncommon, but a thing which she knows is disgusting and always brings an abrupt end to bath time. Usually, she acts a little bashful and points out that "it yakie" and tries to get away from it. I didn't think to take any photos of these episodes, because... well, that would be gross. But this is a story that I couldn't help but blog.

This time I found her swimming around with it like it was no big deal. When I asked her "Kaia! What is that!?!" pointing to the poo, she looked up at me with as honest of a face as she could muster, shrugged her shoulders and exclaimed "Yoook! Itssa Fwog!" To her credit, it did kinda resemble the shape and color of a frog. But I am quite certain that she didn't think it was really a frog. The real kick is that in her little 2-year old mind she thought it would be funny to pretend that it was. She was right!

6 UnimportantThings

2008-04-23T18:14:00.004-08:00

I was tagged by Smile, Play, Dream to divulge 6 unimportant things about myself.

Here are the rules:
1. Link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. Share six unimportant things about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry.

Here goes:

My driveway is a giant mud pit that requires a little creative driving to get through on my way in and out.
I have moved more than 35 times including locations on 3 different continents and 4 of the 5 world climate zones.
I hate it when other people are late... but can't for the life of me make it anywhere on time.
I love Nature, but tend to be bored with the ordinary.
My life story is riddled with mistakes, but I really don't regret any of them.
I prefer to be naked, but don't have the body or live in the climate to get away with it.

I tag

Chiara
Kendi
Jenn
Karin
Kimmy P
Aubry

Confessions on Church and Christ

2008-04-18T17:05:00.005-08:00

I have been thinking about this topic a lot for about 10 years. I really wanted to post something from my heart, but didn't want to open up a religious debate or cause heartache to those who won't accept the same perspective that I have gained.

I muster the courage to do so partly because I use this blog as my journal and feel this points more to who I really am than a lot of my previous posts, but mostly because I realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I do hope that you will feel the spirit of my words and not get caught up in my limited ability to communicate in this format. I also hope that if this post inspires a comment, you will do so in the spirit of love not fear. So, enough prefacing here... I'll get to it.

The teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have always been a significant part of my development both physical and spiritual. In fact, they played a critical role in turning me toward the light and beauty that is Christ... that is until I found myself going through the motions of those teachings and struggling to make them personal. I hungered for a deeper bond and belonging to the faith that I had known and practiced my entire life, but felt stagnant.

As I turned my energies more toward Christ and less toward the actions or doctrines that were supposed to bring me toward him, a reoccurring theme of Love resonated within me, and I felt a peace and awareness that wasn't there before. I discovered that there is great peace in the spirit of love. It is through love that I am bound to my family, friends and Christ. Through love, I have found a way to forgive and be forgiven. Every miracle in my life is the product of love from others, and I am certain that my love for others has manifest miracles in their lives as well. It is through love that I am turned toward all that is good and beautiful.

It is far too easy to forget how simple and amazing that is in all the distractions of social rules, cultural traditions and religious doctrines. For some, these things serve as a comfort and protection from change or far more devastating distractions. I can respect that, and I honor the personal sacrifices made to conform to them, but I can no longer continue making sacrifices just for the sake of the rules, traditions and doctrines alone.

The truth is that after much study, thought and prayer, I really feel that those "things" those physical, temporary and ever-changing rules, traditions and doctrines are standing in the way of my personal relationship with God. About 2 years ago, I discovered that for me to live a truly authentic life consistent with what I know of God, I could no longer follow these blindly, in fact, there are many I cannot follow at all. Not because they are hard or burdensome as I find many of them easy or rewarding on social and egoistic levels, but because I don't feel God in them.

I guess technically, I could follow them, but my heart could not be in it. It would be a mockery for me to pretend that I am doing God's will when I don't feel him in my church practices, and it would be disrespectful to those who do feel God in the same church practices. That is why I no longer participate in many practices believed and upheld by so many of my friends and family.That is why I have distanced myself from the church.

In doing so, I have had to accept a lot of responsibility. If I am wrong, it is a personal matter for me to work out with Christ. I can no longer shift the blame to others, because I follow my best understanding of the voice of God within ME. If I am wrong, the consequences are mine to bear and not on the shoulders of my husband or other leaders in the church. The good news is that bearing consequences makes discerning his voice a little easier and a lot more important. I find that I put a lot more effort into learning, discerning and following his voice, and as I do so, I move closer to being who and what I was created to be.

This is not to say that others do not have inspired counsel that can point me toward that love and peace I seek. There have been many who have spared me heartache and tears by helping me see more clearly... many who follow or dictate the church doctrines. However, I have past the threshold of substituting another's counsel for the voice of God within me. I have learned that inspired counsel will resonate within me if it is truly inspired. I have also learned that there are many sources of inspiration. God is simply not restricted by one organization or authority, and I find great peace in that.

I acknowledge the fear and worry these thoughts may trigger in many concerned friends and family still affiliated with the L.D.S. church. It is not my intention to cause pain. I hope that if this post does cause you pain, you will find comfort in my continued desire to seek a personal relationship with God and not be distracted by our differences. I don't claim to have the answers... that is part of the great journey and adventure we call life, but I do know what resonates with me, and I hope I have communicated that well enough to ease some apprehensions.

To be honest, I feel a bit of relief in opening the lines of communication on this matter. I know it is an awkward thing to discuss, but I feel comfortable with the decisions I have made, and confident in my reasons for doing so. If there are any specifics that will ease curiosity or concern, please feel free to e-mail, call or post a comment. I look forward to the opportunity to share my experiences.

On-Line Photo Contest Boo Boo

2008-04-01T12:14:00.004-08:00

I thought a little contest would be kind of fun. I didn't expect to win, but thought it would be a fun little experiment. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a marketing blitz nightmare. Sorry to all who wasted time digging through piles of ads and shelling out information to marketing companies trying to do me a favor. If it did work for you without too much trouble, I thank you. If you tried and were frustrated by the stupidity of this site, I apologize.

Kaia IS IN A $2500 PHOTO CONTEST THIS MONTH AND NEEDS YOUR VOTE!

I just entered Kaia in the Great American Photo Contest. The baby photo with the most votes this month wins $2,500 (that could be a nice amount to put away now for college!!).

Please don't bother going through all the hoops the site has set up to bombard you with ads. :O

I'm a Princess!

2008-03-29T20:52:00.003-08:00

This was pretty fun, and I can really relate to the results.

You Are Pocahantas!

Free-spirited and wise. You have a strong passionate spirit that touches and changes all who know you. The wisdom and common sense that you have is really what guides you through life. Even so, you also have a very playful side that loves adventure and excitement.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Stuff That Matters, and More That Doesn't

2008-03-29T15:55:00.010-08:00

So, I read Tolle's book A New Earth and discovered a few things about myself that I didn't know... well, I guess I DID know, just wasn't quite aware of them. I catch myself now when my temper flares and it is really weird. I know I am feeling angry, I hear the angry tone in my voice, and It's almost like an out of body experience.

Today for example, Kaia pooped on the floor. Once for Ben, which didn't really affect me in anyway. We then changed 3 poopy diapers between us and then she pooped on the floor again for me! All I could do was scream "NOOOOOooooooo!" To which Kaia replied "Oh NOOOOooooo!" as if she hadn't been the culprit of this domestic dissaster. And I repeated "NOOOOoooooo!" To which she repeated "Oh NOOOooooo!" You can see how none of this changed the fact there there was a stinky terd on the floor. Really, I should be grateful she tells me about it. I would hate to find one of those surprises on my own by accident... that would really make me mad.

Anyway, I still fight the angry words and actions I naturally want to spew out into the universe, and I still fail to stop them. The difference is that now I actually hear and see my crazy behavior, and it is really commical. The interesting thing is that with this realization, I don't feel guilty anymore. I have my tantrum, repair any damages and reflect. But really, in the heat of the moment, I'm beginning to find it entertaining, to see the drama and know that I am still passionate about... well, dumb stuff for no good reason.

I really spend a lot of energy on things that don't really matter, and being aware of that is changing the way I respond to almost everything. Even when I don't change habits or behavior immediately, the way I feel about it is already revolutionized. It's a wild transformation, and I am really starting to get a kick out of it.

On another note, I realized in all this self awareness, that I am throwing a pitty party for myself. I am NOT what most would call a happy pregnant woman... actually, I'm pretty far from it. Deep down, I feel hi-jacked. I feel a sacrifice and burden that "entitles" me to all the things I don't need and can't afford. The biggest being junk food. Yes, I know, financially it's not really all that big of a deal, but psychologically and physically, it is taking a HUGE toll on me. I have let my fitness goals slide... well more like hurl down to the depths of hell in a bucket of ice cream and girl scout cookies.

In all logic, I am sabbotaging my real goals and blaming it on the most innocent part of me. I am telling myself a lie in the hopes to justify something ugly... self abuse in the name of instant gratification. Great! Now I have identified the stink, the trick is getting it out. I'm not so sure that Tolle has it all figured out that the more you are aware of yoru true issue, the more it goes away. I guess we shall see if the weight gain has reached it's peak, or if we are just getting started. I think I could use some good tools to help me cope and pamper myself a little better.

My big plan:
Go see mom! She just turned 50 and asked to see her grandbaby as a gift. I'm pretty sure it is going to be a bigger gift for me than for her, but I'll let her believe it is all about grandma. I will get some great time off, get some fun new spring-maternity clothes and take her to the spa for a pedicure. THAT will be nice. Not to mention the fact that there is grass and warmth and beautiful flowers all abloom in my P-town of Oregon. IT WILL BE FABULOUS!!!

The 2 weeks that are normally spent feeling extra sorry for myself and coping as a single parent will be spent shopping and visiting with my best girlfriend, getting to relax while Kaia has endless grandma entertainment and tasty meals that I don't have to plan, shop for, prepare or clean up. I don't think I can think of a better treat than this... and it's all paid for! Gotta love air miles.

Unfortuntately, I've got a laundry list of things to do before we can get outta here. FIRST is getting that damn kitchen done... Yup, you guessed it... still not finished. What I thought would be a 3-day deal has now developed into the 12 days of chaos. The good news is that our plans to be done are realistic now that we are so close. We even picked out floors... to be done in another month, but on the timeline no less.

Now for the big confession. I've got huge plans for the house that I haven't quite squared with Ben yet. The big kahuna of the 500 ft, 2-bedroom addition with covered porch and arctic entry have been hinted, and tossed around as a maybe. But I have plans to get the ball rolling before we leave in 5 days.

Yup, that is going to knock him for a loop. I already got the quotes, figured out the financing and fit it all into a budget and a timeline. It IS doable, I just gotta show him the numbers and submit the application for the building permit. I think I will let Ben choose the contractor and I'm hoping to schedule construction to begin the beginning of May... wish me luck!

Still No News

2008-03-26T13:19:00.002-08:00

So we had our ultrasound today. I guess everything looked fine... except for the one thing we couldn't see. I can't believe how uncooperative our little guy is... maybe he is a gal... we don't know yet. They guessed a girl becuase his legs were crossed. But that was followed by a "well, I can't even give it a 60% chance of being one way or the other." So we are still hoping for a boy. We will post pix as soon as we get our scanner hooked up.

De-Stressing Meme

2008-03-23T07:42:00.001-08:00

Nicci Tagged me at Smile, Play Dream for Five ways you like to de-stress, relax, wind down or kick back." So here goes.

When Ben is home, put the kiddo to bed early!
Play with dog and kiddo outside. (any temp above 40 is perfect.)
Blogging and catching up with fam and friends.
Head out on a hiking adventure just about anywhere.
Watching Nature out my living room window. (I especially like the birds, squirrels, moose, snow falling, melting or blowing in chunks off the big trees… yes, it's true, we STILL have snow.)

I tag Kimmy P. at Ex Libris Lady, Cousin Kimmy at A Million Moments and Cousin Karin at Short and Sweet.

Big Projects and MORE BOXES!

2008-03-22T13:10:00.006-08:00

I am SO EXCITED!!! Our new kitchen cabinets have arrived. With any luck I will be using a dishwasher by Monday. I never realized the beauty of such a simple machine, but I gotta tell ya, a year of washing by hand has given me a great deal of appreciation. It will be fantastic, and I can hardly wait.

The cabinets look awesome and I am thrilled that they will give us the accommodations that we really need in the kitchen. We were working with a 20" stove and limited cupboard space. It is only a 10x10 space, but we can really maximize it with an island stove and help meet code with a really nice custom hood/vent. It is going to look amazing. I pulled out one of the pieces and it matches the other trim and woodwork beams in the rest of the space.

Unfortunately, the beautiful new cabinets are still in their boxes, and the old ones are cluttering up my front porch. I think we will be able to sell them though. I posted em up on craigslist and had 3 people stop by to take a peek. We shall see if they can get them out of here by Monday... THAT would be great!

So here is the picture of the kitchen before the big project. We will be upgrading everything including the kitchen sink... which wasn't bad to begin with, but we wanted the corian built in sink so we don't get gunk in the seams. The whole upgrade will only cost us about $1000 because of the insurance money. We will also be upgrading the floors (was lenoleum before the flood).

I will definitely put up after pictures once we get there. But here is a cute one of part of the process. We are about 1/2 way through the project now and I don't have the heart to tell Ben that we are going to start on the other part of the remodel (adding 2 rooms above the garage) as soon as we're done with the kitchen gear. He is working so hard and I think it is actually good for him to have something to do when he is home. At least something that is going to have a product when complete.Ayway, it was quite the ordeal getting to this phase. First we had to pick out the colors and style and price everything out. Then we waited 6 weeks for them to arrive and barely got the hot tub out of the converted garage before they arrived. That was a project! We ended up using 2 jeeps, a buddies trailer that wasn't quite wide enough to accommodate the hot tub, a couple of wood planks, the winch (a mechanical device used to wind up a rope, not a hooker) a couple of ratcheting tie downs, a tow strap or two, a come-along, a big tree, and some good-old-fashioned muscle to get it from the garage to the deck out front. Here are a few pictures of that fiasco.

Getting the hot tub out of the garage.*****
Getting the hot tub onto the little deck (temporary storage till we get the addition on.)

I gotta say that I am impressed with Ben's ingenuity. I don’t think I would have been able to do that… at least not without calling in the brigade. I did help, but only to the extent that he told me exactly what to do and when to do it.

Ya know, I just realized that I didn’t mind that. I must confess that I was eager to be bossed around, at least it made me feel useful. Surprisingly, we haven’t fought at all during this stressful remodel. We have been able to work together and neither of us have been really frustrated… although, we can see why carpenters drink. It is a little more stressful than we had anticipated.

Anyway, that is the bulk of our projects for the weekend. I will definitely keep yall posted on the progress and new plans for improvements. Fun? Fun. FUN!

I Haven't Decieded If It's Annoying Yet

2008-03-17T11:48:00.003-08:00

So I've been reading this Eckart Tolle book about being consious. This has been kind of a theme for the past few years for me and I feel that I am comming out of the borg of just doing things to do them. I don't get upset as often or as extremely as I used to, and I am aware of how awesome my adventure really is... most of the time.

With this in mind, I am listening to the ceaseless chirping and squaking of a flirtatious squirrel couple. I don't know if it's the twitterpation of the season, the fact that Nui (our dog) is fascinated with their foreplay or if it is just a freakin' annoying habit I am going to have to deal with all summer.

In all my "enlightenment" I am trying to appreciate the beauty of life and nature that this little squirrel represents. At first it was awesome. Kaia got such a kick out of them. She decided that squirrel is too hard to say and that monkey fit the description better. With all the racket they produce... with squeeks and squaks and chirps, it could very well sound like a monkey. So I let her think that we have pet monkeys, what is it going to hurt?

Anyway, now, it is not so awesome. It is actually quite distracting. It's nice to wonder the whys of the cosmos, but when ya gotta do taxes, or return important e-mails, it just seems to get in the way... actually, I would rather visit with the squirrel than do either of those things, but allas, I must finish taxes and the e-mails are for the greater good of our household... I really want to remodel before the baby gets here.

So, it comes down to this: I haven't decided if it is annoying or not. Funny how this new way of thinking makes it harder to make up your mind, form an opinion or even get behind a cause. I'm still passionate... but now I'm schitzo! I either love that squirrel or I hate it... depending on what I am trying to acomplish.

A Mini Vacation

2008-03-06T10:11:00.006-09:00

Sorry all for the lack of posts lately, I've been really distracted with a new book... I know, weird considering I don't really read, but this one was good. I'll post more about it after I take the couse and understand it a little better.

Now for the Hunsaker Happenings. We spent the last week up in Fairbanks visiting friends we knew from Barrow. IT WAS AWESOME! Although, I must say that I am really glad that we have chosen to live down here closer to Anchorage. I just think it fits our lifestyle a bit better.

The drive up was pretty uneventful, although we did see a few moose and had to make a few more stops than expected for the puppy to go tinkle. Upon arrival we were given a grand tour of our friends new place and had a great time visiting with our friends. Everyday was a new adventure. The fist day was a trip to the ice park, which was amazing. I can't believe what people do with just water and a few tools. I'll have to post more pix later, but for now, this is all I have.

Here I am at the park enterance.

Here's Kaia getting a kick out of the ice octopus gym (sorry, no pixs of the actual octopus, just inside it's tentacles.)
They had all these great theme slides for the kids...

...and a few bigger slides for the bigger kids.

I only wish we could have seen it at night when all the lights are on the ice. The only problem was that it was plenty cold in the middle of the day... I guess that is how the park stays open and so spectacular for so long. I'm sure the sculptures wouldn't make it down here with the temperatures we've been having.

We tried to visit the large animal reserve, but they were closed for the season, but we did visit the North Pole and got to see some reindeer up close. On the way back to our friends house we were also lucky enough to see a fox catch a mouse out on the river. It was pretty neat.

We were treated every morning to possibly the best coffee I have ever had, and the lates were spectacular! Maybe it is because it has been so long since I actually allowed myself to enjoy one, maybe it is because I'm pregnant, maybe it's because they weren't loaded with all that sugar and artificial flavor ya get from the coffee shops. I don't know, but it was really good, and we really felt that we were treated to a good time.

We took a different route home... I know, the mind baffles at the possibility that there are more highways to nowhere and back. But it was really nice to get a different view. I think the Parks is definitely faster, but the Richardson is definitely more spectacular. We saw more moose, the pipeline, amazing mountains and a great river valley, glaciers and even a small herd of caribou. It was great!

Thanks Greenwoods for a fabulous time. We all had a blast and are looking forward to having you down when Ben gets his leave.

Deep Thoughts by Sierra

2008-02-21T14:34:00.004-09:00

Do you ever come across a question that you think you know the answer to, and then it just creates more of the same kind of question? I've been reading A New Earth by Eckhert Tolle and one of the questions that came to my mind was this:

If everyone could see things for what they really are... just things... would things cease to exist all together? Could we as a species really evolve enough not to need things?

I think maybe that can only come after we die. Technically we are a thing and need things to survive. I don't think things aren't bad, they just become destracting or even dangerous when we use them to identify who we are. Things like food, housing, transportation are all necessary parts of survival in our modern world, but they are also status symbols or identifiers of personality or preference.

So, how do we NOT identify with things that we need to survive? Or deeper yet, is it wise NOT identify with the things that symbolize or embody what really matters ie. our children? Hummm.

Some Fun Tests

2008-02-20T19:35:00.005-09:00

Smile, Play, Dream posted some fun test results and I couldn't help but take them just for fun. Actually, it was a fun way to post a blog without having to think to hard.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.
Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...
But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.
You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

I don't know how influential I am, but I do have a firestorm of thought that are very scattered... I don't know if that is a good thing. I never figured myself for a drama fiend, but I guess I do have a flare for it.
____________________________________________________

You Are An Exclamation Point

You are a bundle of... well, something.
You're often a bundle of joy, passion, or drama.
You're loud, brash, and outgoing. If you think it, you say it.
Definitely not the quiet type, you really don't keep a lot to yourself.
You're lively and inspiring. People love to be around your energy.
(But they do secretly worry that you'll spill their secrets without even realizing it.)
You excel in: Public speaking
You get along best with: the Dash

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Humm, no surprises here.
________________________________________________

You Are a Realist

You don't see the glass as half empty or half full. You see what's exactly in the glass.
You never try to make a bad situation seem better than it is...
But you also never sabotage any good things you have going on.
You are brutally honest in your assessments of situations - and this always seems to help you cope.

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

This was interesting. I don't know how "real" my perspective is, but I do call it like I see it.

A New (to us) JEEP!

2008-02-14T11:20:00.007-09:00

OK, so we weren't really looking for another jeep, but we are a jeep family and there is just no getting around that. We have been looking for a subaru or a Rav4 for about 3 months now so that we could reduce the wear and tear on our big-expensive toy (in the back) and save on gas money, but everytime we found something that might work, it had sold faster than we could even go look at it. Besides, to get something reliable in our price range, we were going to have to take out a loan.

Finally, last night I get a call from hubby and he talked me into "settling" for a jeep that gets less miles to the gallon, but costs us less in insurance, maintenance and interest. He had found one that was just posted on craigslist for a price we could pay cash for and it had all the bells and whistles and it wasn't green (huge bonus for me). So I called the guy and he said he had 3 people going to look at it, so I jumped on the band wagon and was the first one out there to take it for a drive. It was fantastic! I offered him the full asking price which was about $1200 below low book value, and gave him a deposit. This morning we arranged to pay the rest and get it here to the house.

So, we are now the official owners of another jeep... Technically, I think I own it as Ben's name isn't on it anywhere and he hasn't even seen it yet. I think it will meet our needs and will work out great for us. I am especially excited about the auto start (unless you live in very cold climates, this makes no big difference. But let me tell you, it is really nice to push a button and have the car start up without having to go out into -20 weather with a 2-year old and a puppy just to come back in for 10 minutes while it warms up enough to go back out for real.)

Honestly, I think it is kind of fun that we are so Jeep identified. Now everyone in the family has a jeep (exept for the pets, but they prefer to ride along anyway.) I guess it isn't quite as environmentally friendly as a subaru, but I don't know that I can pull off the subaru attitude. A part of me can... but probably not with Ben in the car. I guess the rough and tumble jeep thing is more my kind of driving... even if I'm bumpin' along with heated leather seats. :) Really rough, I know. :)

Conspiracy Theory or Fact?

2008-02-03T10:39:00.000-09:00

I was forwarded this article, and think there is quite a bit of truth to it. I always get headaches after drinking Diet Coke, and usually feel quite anxious and lethargic if I have had more than one in a week. Even if this article isn't completely true, it would be worth it to me to give up the guilt-free indulgence. I do have a bit of an addiction, but I guess if I'm gonna indulge, it will be full-octane for me from now on.

Of course, it's gotta be in moderation, 'cause I can't afford all those calories! :) Anyway, this article is worth the read, and I would be curious to know if yall think there is any truth to it.

SWEET POISON:

In October of 2001, my sister started getting very sick. She had stomach spasms and she was having a hard time getting around. Walking was a major chore. It took everything she had just to get out of bed; she was in so much pain.

By March 2002, she had undergone several tissue and muscle biopsies and was on 24 various prescription medications. The doctors could not determine what was wrong with her. She was in so much pain, and so sick she just knew she was dying. She put her house, bank accounts, life insurance, etc., in her oldest daughter’s name, and made sure that her younger children were to be taken care of.

She also wanted her last hooray, so she planned a trip to Florida (basically in a wheelchair) for March 22nd.

On March 19 I called her to ask how her most recent tests went, and she said they didn’t find anything on the test, but they believe she had MS. I recalled an article a friend of mine e-mailed to me and I asked my sister if she drank diet soda? She told me that she did. As a matter of fact, she was getting ready to crack one open that moment.

I told her not to open it, and to stop drinking the diet soda! I e-mailed her article my friend, a lawyer, had sent.

My sister called me within 32 hours and told me she had stopped drinking the diet soda AND she could walk! The muscle spasms went away. She said she didn’t feel 100% but she sure felt a lot better. She told me she was going to her doctor with this article and would call me when she got home.

Well, she called me, and said her doctor was amazed! He is going to call all of his MS patients to find out if they consumed artificial sweeteners of any kind. In a nutshell, she was being poisoned by the Aspartame in the diet soda...and literally dying a slow and miserable death.

When she got to Florida March 22, all she had to take was one pill, and that was a pill for the Aspartame poisoning! She is well on her way to a complete recovery. And she is walking! No wheelchair! This article saved her life..

If it says ‘SUGAR FREE’ on the label; DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! I have spent several days lecturing at the WORLD ENVIRONMENTAL CONFERENCE on “ASPARTAME,” marketed as ‘Nutra Sweet,’ ‘Equal,’ and ‘Spoonful.’

In the keynote address by the EPA, it was announced that in the United States in 2001 there is an epidemic of multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus. It was difficult to determine exactly what toxin was causing this to be rampant. I stood up and said that I was there to lecture on exactly that subject.

I will explain why Aspartame is so dangerous: When the temperature of this sweetener exceeds 86 degrees F, the wood alcohol in ASPARTAME converts to formaldehyde and then to formic acid, which in turn causes metabolic acidosis. Formic acid is the poison found in the sting of fire ants. The methanol toxicity mimics, among other conditions, multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus. Many people were being diagnosed in error. Although multiple sclerosis is not a death sentence, Methanol toxicity is!

Systemic lupus has become almost as rampant as multiple sclerosis, especially with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi drinkers. The victim usually does not know that the Aspartame is the culprit. He or she continues its use; irritating the lupus to such a degree that it may become a life-threatening condition.

We have seen patients with systemic lupus become asymptotic, once taken off diet sodas. In cases of those diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, most of the symptoms disappear. We’ve seen many cases where vision loss returned and hearing loss improved markedly.

This also applies to cases of tinnitus and fibromyalgia.

During a lecture, I said, “If you are using ASPARTAME (Nutra Sweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc) and you suffer from fibromyalgia symptoms, spasms, shooting, pains, numbness in your legs, cramps, vertigo, dizziness, headaches, tinnitus, joint pain, unexplainable depression, anxiety attacks, slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss you probably have ASPARTAME poisoning!” People were jumping up during the lecture saying, “I have some of these symptoms. Is it reversible?”

Yes! Yes! Yes! STOP drinking diet sodas and be alert for Aspartame on food labels! Many products are fortified with it! This is a serious problem. Dr. Espart (one of my speakers) remarked that so many people seem to be symptomatic for MS and during his recent visit to a hospice; a nurse stated that six of her friends, who were heavy Diet Coke addicts, had all been diagnosed with MS. This is beyond coincidence!

Diet soda is NOT a diet product! It is a chemically altered, multiple SODIUM (salt) and ASPARTAME containing product that actually makes you crave carbohydrates. It is far more likely to make you GAIN weight!

These products also contain formaldehyde, which stores in the fat cells, particularly in the hips and thighs. Formaldehyde is an absolute toxin and is used primarily to preserve “tissue specimens.” Many products we use every day contain this chemical but we SHOULD NOT store it IN our body!

Dr. H. J. Roberts stated in his lectures that once free of the “diet products” and with no significant increase in exercise; his patients lost an average of 19 pounds over a trial period.

Aspartame is especially dangerous for diabetics. We found that some physicians, who believed that they had a patient with retinopathy, in fact, had symptoms caused by Aspartame. The Aspartame drives the blood sugar out of control. Thus diabetics may suffer acute memory loss due to the fact that aspartic acid and phenylalanine are NEUROTOXIC when taken without the other amino acids necessary for a good balance.

Treating diabetes is all about BALANCE. Especially with diabetics, the Aspartame passes the blood/brain barrier and it then deteriorates the neurons of the brain; causing various levels of brain damage, seizures, depression, manic depression, panic attacks, uncontrollable anger and rage.

Consumption of Aspartame causes these same symptoms in non-diabetics as well. Documentation and observation also reveal that thousands of children diagnosed with ADD and ADHD have had complete turnarounds in their behavior when these chemicals have been removed from their diet. So called “behavior modification prescription drugs” (Ritalin and others) are no longer needed. Truth be told, they were never NEEDED in the first place! Most of these children were being “poisoned” on a daily basis with the very foods that were “better for them than sugar.”

It is also suspected that the Aspartame in thousands of pallets of diet Coke and diet Pepsi consumed by men and women fighting in the Gulf War, may be partially to blame for the well-known Gulf War Syndrome.

Dr. Roberts warns that it can cause birth defects, i.e. mental retardation, if taken at the time of conception and during early pregnancy. Children are especially at risk for neurological disorders and should NEVER be given artificial sweeteners. There are many different case histories to relate of children suffering grand mal seizures and other neurological disturbances talking about a plague of neurological diseases directly caused by the use of this deadly poison.”

Herein lies the problem: There were Congressional Hearings when Aspartame was included in 100 different products and strong objection was made concerning its use. Since this initial hearing, there have been two subsequent hearings, and still nothing has been done. The drug and chemical lobbies have very deep pockets.

Sadly, MONSANTO’S patent on Aspartame has EXPIRED! There are now over 5,000 products on the market that contain this deadly chemical and there will be thousands more introduced Everybody wants a “piece of the Aspartame pie.” I assure you that MONSANTO, the creator of Aspartame, knows how deadly it is.

And isn’t it ironic that MONSANTO funds, among others, the American Diabetes Association, the American Dietetic Association and the Conference of the American College of Physicians? This has been recently exposed in the New York Times. These [organizations] cannot criticize any additives or convey their link to MONSANTO because they take money from the food industry and are required to endorse their products.

Senator Howard Metzenbaum wrote and presented a bill that would require label warnings on products containing Aspartame, especially regarding pregnant women, children and infants The bill would also institute independent studies on the known dangers and the problems existing in the general population regarding seizures, changes in brain chemistry, neurological changes and behavioral symptoms.

The bill was killed.

It is known that the powerful drug and chemical lobbies are responsible for this, letting loose the hounds of disease and death on an unsuspecting and uninformed public. Well, you’re informed now! YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW!

Say What You REALLY Mean

2008-02-01T09:11:00.000-09:00

I should really just get over it, but I'm hoping that maybe I can if I write about it. It's been really difficult for me to be completely honest about my religion because many of my friends and family are devout Mormon, and I no longer share those same beliefs. I have found that there are only 2 responses to that, either I am judged as "unworthy" for having the questions and concerns I have, or I am held at arms length and handled delicately.

I won't pretend to know why, for some, it may be that they have the same questions and concerns and don't want to come to the same conclusion. For others, it's flat out denial, and for some, I just think that the church was the only thing we really had in common in the first place and we kind of drifted apart.

The truth is that I value my experiences in the church and still have a great love and respect for those who still believe and practice it. I just can't continue to believe and practice it knowing what I found in my quest for a better understanding of the doctrine and practices. The answers create a huge contradiction for me, and to pretend that they don't would betray the most precious relationship I have, my relationship with deity.

I wish I could just go on pretending that I still believe everything, but I can't, and I have felt a lot of rejection for it. Deep down I know it isn't intentional. I know that the awkward feelings and conversations are a direct result of not knowing how to respond (on my part too). I think in most cases, it is easier for my Mormon friends and family to pretend I don't feel the way that I do... especially my poor hubs. He's the one my heart breaks for because I know the implications my feelings have on his beliefs about salvation and eternal families. :(

Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. But that is a little deeper than I wanted to go with this post. The point I wanted to make was about the little barbs I have been getting from my Mormon friends and fam. Again, I know they aren't intended and stem directly from not knowing how to respond. But it still hurts in kind of a comical way.

Recently, the Mormon Prophet passed away. He was an amazing man who dedicated his life to serving God and others. He has been the prophet my entire adult life and even sent me on my mission. He was 97 years old and lost his wife of 60 years a few years back. So really, it was in God's hands and it was time for him to go. Despite all this, he will be missed.

Anyway, we received notice from several Mormon friends and family prefaced by "I don't know if you care or not..." What the hell is that? They wouldn't say that to their Mormon friends, or even their non-Mormon friends who have never been Mormon. I haven't changed so much in the last few years that I wouldn't care if someone died. In one case, it was almost said with the passive-aggressive tone... like what they really meant to say was "You know the prophet you rejected, well, he's dead now, and I bet you don't even care."

I guess my connection to the prophet is a little more detached than blind obedience, but not so much that I wouldn't care that he passed away. Truthfully, if people don't know how I feel about the church or church officials, then it would be an awkward conversation to start and nothing ever comes out right under stress. So, I'm sure that it wasn't intended to hurt. It's just kind of funny how assumptions are made.

I guess we all have assumptions of how things must be when we don't understand them. I have decided not to assume to know why people do or say the things they do. I'm not even going to take offense to things I don't understand. I just wanted to clarify my feelings in attempt to avoid sending out little barbs myself. I'm just hoping that being honest about my feelings doesn't come across like little barbs. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to be real.

My Inner Rock Chick

2008-01-23T10:55:00.001-09:00

I found this on Smile Play Dream and thoguht it was so much fun. I am Pink! I think it is fitting for my inner true self. But I don't think I let her out quite enough. We shall see about changing that for a new year resolution. Formy 30th year of living on this earth I will be tough, sexy, tough, soulful and TOUGH! I don't mind if guys are both attracted and afraid of me, but I think I should really stick with more natural hair colors. Pink is sexy with pink hair, but I don't think I'm quite tough enough to pull it off.

You Are Pink!

Tough. Sexy. Tough. Soulful. Tough.
Guys are both attracted and scared of you.
"I've been the girl with her skirt pulled high
Been the outcast never running with mascara eyes"

Who's Your Inner Rock Chick?

The Year of POO!

2008-01-23T07:58:00.000-09:00

I'm not sure if it is the pregnancy hormones workin' here or if there is really something here to consider... I guess I will know better when the new kiddo is about 2 or 3. But for now, I am thinking this stay-at-home mommy thing is NOT for me. Really, it's more of an issue with the poo! I feel like all I do is clean up poo! It comes in many shapes and sizes, different textures and quantities, some are actual biproducts of living things, but most are biproducts of just living and creating messess over and over and over and over.

I LOVE spending quality time with my little Kaia. She lights up my world in so many amazing ways. The problem is that I spend more time being irritated than I do actually enjoying her company. THAT IS NOT FUN FOR ANYONE!!! I began to think that I relapsed into the winter funk, but I think it might be deeper than that. I'm thinking that I can do a better job at being mommy if I DON'T give up or "postpone" my mission. I know that raising a family is a huge part of the mission... but it is not the whole mission. I know the scope of my mission extends beyond my front door.

Unfortunately, right now I am not doing anything but dealing with poo! Even now as I write this, I am interrupted by my daughter with poopy diaper in hand explaining that it is "gwose." NO KIDDING! This is NOT personal development! I'm not doing much to contribute to the development of others and I am not even doing much to aid in the development of my own kid... the one person I am responsible to help develop!

I think a lot of this may stem from the birthday blues. I get them every year when I go to set my new year's resolutions... I set them at my birthday (the end of January) partly because it is the start to MY new year and because it feels really good to go into Feb. still on track with the resolutions. Did you know that most resolutions don't make it past the second week of January? Anyway, I find that it gives me a boost to span a 2 month period, even if I start to slack off a little the first week of Feb. :) It's like making a list of all the things you have to do in the day and adding a few things you already did just to cross them off... I do that too. :)

The truth is that putting my dreams on hold has NEVER ended well for anyone... especially me. And if I continue to put these things on hold, I may NEVER realize my full potential... I may never be the inspiration I want to be for my children, friends and neighbors. The longer I wait, the further away my dream of running an adventure lodge seems to get. I'm sure I could be happy without realizing that dream... but the path to that dream IS the adventure and if I wait to start it... I miss out on all the fun. I REALLY hate missing out.

I don't quite have the solution to the dilema... right now I am waiting for some inspiration myself. When it comes right down to it though, it feels really good to just think about something other than poo for just a few minutes and yet, at the very same time... kind of depressing that this is my plot. HOW DID IT EVER COME TO THIS?!?!

I don't know how I got here, but I am definitely motivated to get out. My new ONE WORD for the year is INSPIRE, I want to BE inspired, I want to inspire others, I want to change the things that aren't fullfilling, or at least delegate or minimize the time I spend on them. I want to see things clearly and have the strength to go for what is right for me and all that is important to me.

So far, I'm just knee deep in poo!

Happy Birthday Kaia!

2008-01-01T10:47:00.000-09:00

I can't believe it has been 2 years since you came into my world and flipped it on its side. You were a fire cracker from the very start and have kept me on my toes every since. You filled this last year with lots of laughs and a few amazing insights, and you never cease to amaze me with your courage and resourcefulnesses.

You mastered the art of climbing before you could walk and now I can barely keep up with you. Most of the time, I am in love with your eagerness to play, and I always get a kick out of your determination for independence. I just hope your strong will brings you more of what you really want than the trouble you seem to find yourself in, and your sense of independence fills your life with friendship and adventure.

You have taught me to forgive, relax, search for meaning and discover like I have never done before. You have taught me to both live in the moment and think more carefully about tomorrow.I am stronger and better than I have ever been because of you and I can't wait to grow and learn with you as you become the strongest and best you can be. I am excited to discover the world again from a new and more perfect perspective. Thanks for being you and making me a better me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAIA!
I LOVE YOU CRAZY!!!

Christmas Disaster Update

2007-12-31T11:00:00.001-09:00

The trip to Portland was pretty good aside from the morning sickness (that seemed to last all day, everyday for 2 whole weeks) and the stubborn head cold that went around to all family members and landed on Kaia for a Christmas Eve emergency room visit. I swear, every time she gets a cold, her lungs close off and she chokes so hard on the boogies that she makes herself throw up. Nothing like the smell of vomit to accompany a holiday dinner. Anyway, after about 3 hours of observation and a breathing treatment, she recovered well enough to come home and sleep till Christmas morning. On the bright side, we made out like bandits and really enjoyed the family time.

(Here is a pic of Kaia after getting into Grandma's mascara)

Once the festivities ended at Grandma's house, we headed home to a house torn apart by frozen pipes that flooded the entire downstairs and a reclamation team who did their best to rip it up and dry it out. To top it all off, Ben was weathered in in Nuiqsut and couldn't pick me up at the airport or come out to meet with the insurance claims adjuster, so I got to drive home after 10 hours of traveling with a toddler and roughly only 2 hours of sleep all by myself.

(These are the icicles under our house formed from broken pipes in our house)

So it's been a busy couple of days, but I think it will all work out. It sounds like the adjuster will give us all new cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom, a new toilet, tub and sink and all new floors! Yae!!! I am going to double check their pricing though, because I don't trust insurance people. They don't make money by being generous. Anyway, I am glad that we have it and they are willing to replace the things that are ruined.

Aside from the disaster, we have been really enjoying our time together and had a good night in a jacuzzi suite while we were waiting for our pipes to get fixed and the water to be turned back on. We still have to get the filtration guy over here because we are pumping up ORANGE water that smells like dirty nickels. YUCK! Not real friendly on the pregnant lady with the sensitive nose.

Things aren't quite back to normal yet, but we have had so me really fantastic things come our way. Ben brought home a new chocolate lab puppy named Pukuk (mischievous one) and we promptly changed it to Nui (pronounced Noo.ee) after the village he came from. He is a sweet little guy, but what a handfull! He gets along pretty well with the cat... it is more of a tolerance thing than a friendship, but the neighbor cat got a hold of him and scratched his eye. I think we will have to take a trip to the vet this afternoon to make sure it is OK. It looks like it is going a little bit lazy and it makes me sad to think he could lose it. He needs his shots and registration anyway, so we will just bring him in and splurge on the puppy.

Kaia sure loves him and I am certain they will be best friends. I came downstairs this morning to find Kaia sitting indian-style with the puppy curled up in her lap while she teased him with a toy. It was obvious they were both having a great time and I and found myself near tears with the awful thought of how hard it will be for her when her little friend grows old and dies. I figure it will probably happen before she goes off to college and it will be a hard, hard day for everyone. Yup, little Nui is already part of the family.

It has been so good to have Ben home. He has done pretty well at getting the place put back together and Kaia is getting a kick out of following him around. Here is a pic of her in Daddy's hat helping him fix the pipes... We tried to get the baby-plumber crack in the photo, but the camera was a little too slow to catch it.

Yesterday was Kaia's 2nd Birthday and we got her a whole bouquet of balloons, a gorgeous cake and a trip to Carl's Jr. (her favorite restaurant because of the big toys) She had a blast playing for about 2 hours with a whole playground full of friends and we had a few moments to decide what we were going to do about the house. There is so much more to say, but I will save it for other posts. For now, I will just leave you with these few pix and this general update.

Hope yall had a very Merry Christmas and I wish yall the best for the New Year!

The Random 7 Tag

2007-12-06T19:59:00.000-09:00

I've been tagged by love laughs and lavender!
Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2.Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3.Tag 7 random people at the end of your posts, and include links to their blogs.
4.Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

My 7 Random Facts About Me:

1. I have lived on 3 continents, experienced all 10 world biomes (northwest rainforest only, not tropical... yet) and even survived an Arctic winter, WITH toddler and WITHOUT automobile.

2. I speak 3 languages (2 fluently) and understand a fourth.

3. I have seen 3 different kinds of bears in the wild in the last 3 years (polar, brown and black bears).

4. I am a sucker for an outdoor adventure, but am quite content to keep toasty in a 4x4 vehicle vs. hoofing it through the hills with everything on my back.

5. I lost the same 30 lbs 4 times and will have to do it again after my 2nd child is born (I think it has something to do with stress).

6. I have a 3rd nipple... Just kidding, but I do want a boob job when I'm all done with my baby making projects.

7. I used to bite my nails to the nubs (too much anxiety I guess) and overcame it by working as a deck hand and tour guide when I was 19. Something about looking down and seeing grit and grime and fish parts under my nails that made it an easy change. Now when I think about doing it, I remember that I just changed a diaper, cleaned a mysteriously sticky substance off the floor and usually head to the bathroom to WASH MY HANDS!

I tag:
whoever reads this and thinks it might be fun to do.

More BIG Changes Coming

2007-12-04T20:20:00.000-09:00

Finally we are feeling settled in and ready to call it home. All the Christmas decor is up and cheery, and all the necessities are in place to make it reflect our rugged style and spunk. Just as we are getting comfortable, I realize that I missed my monthly visit from aunt flow. So, the day I went into town to pick up hubby from his first stint in the village, I find out that we are expecting kiddo #2!

If our calculations are right, it should be near the end of July when everything will change again. We have been talking about doctors, delivery options and, of course, how we are going to make room in our new place for a newborn. I think it was all a bit overwhelming for poor hubby.
"SURE! I come home from a month in the village and find my house looks totally different and my wife is knocked up!"

I think he is still in disbelief that we have a new place, a new cat and now that we are definitely adding another member to our little family, it may have simply pushed him over the edge. I am excited; I think he is too. It's a happy feeling in our house and I am a bit surprised that the feelings and excitement about baby #2 is just as unnerving and intense as for baby #1.

I'm just a little overwhelmed with the whole prospect of finding a doctor who can honestly talk to me about my options in delivery. I would really like to be there for the birth of my baby. The last time I was exhausted from 24 hours of labor, a super-crazy drug cocktail and the loss of too much blood from my emergency c-section. And to think I went in thinking I was going to do it a' natural! Actually, I think I am going to have a hard time finding someone up here qualified and willing to do a VBAC. BUT if my insurance covers it and I can find one, I think that is option one. Option 2 is just scheduling the c-section. We shall see.

If there is anyone out there who has had a VBAC, let me know if it is worth it. I would really like to know if there is someone here in Wasilla who will do it. If you know, PLEASE pass along a referral. Thanks!

Grateful to be back in the blogworld and more

2007-11-25T09:42:00.000-09:00

I have had some crazy computer issues lately. I think that it has something to do with the internet browser, but this is the first time I have been able to sign into my blog in about a month! I was feeling so deprived and almost violated. If I wasn't so bussy with getting settled in our new place, I might have done something about it. I'm just glad to be back!

I finally feel like this is home now. I'm settled enough to sit down and resume life as usual. It's been an expensive endeavor, but I think that things should get back to normal sometime in January. Who knew that actually putting up curtains would be so expensive? I figure that if you buy a house figure 5K in closing costs and 5K in opening costs. Well, not quite 5K. It would be nice if we had that kind of money to decorate with, but there are a few things that we simply could not do without... IE a microwave was a must.

I don't know how people fed themselves without one... let alone kids. Times must have been really rough before the microwave. So again, I am grateful for the fact that we now posess the miracle machine of luch cookers and dinner thawer outers. YAE FOR MICROWAVES!!!

Things are comming together really well, and I am excited to show Hubby the improvements when he comes home on Thursday! I can't wait to see him. I gotta tell ya, being the woman AND the man of the house is really tough business. Kudos goes out to all the women who have to do both full-time. I, for one, do not care if I NEVER have to hook-up, back-up or load-up a trailer by myself again. It really sucks... that, and I really suck at it. This particular duty has been and always will be reserved for the man of this household.

I had a fight with the garbage this week and appearantly lost. I think there was a mix up with getting our trash pick-up ordered and so I had 2 weeks of garbage, and packing materials and such piled up at the end of my driveway. Dogs were getting into it, so I took the initiative, backed up to the trailer, loaded everything up and headed for the dump. It took a good 3 hours from start to finish on this "take out the trash" job, and I only lost the garbage cans on the highway once. Thankfully they were empty when that happened. I'm an advocate of "leave no trace" but I actually thought about leaving them there vs. backing up the trailer and reloading/strapping and hauling them home. But I didn't and we all made it home without further insodent.

Well, that';s not entirely true, I did almost hit a tree and a parked truck while backing up before we actually completed the entire adventure. The good news is that everyone was ok. I was just a little dirty, frustrated and cold when all was done and over with.

The problem is: NOW hubby wants me to hook up the trailer AGAIN and go get his tires from Anchorage... Um, I am really not at all excited about that one. The thing that sucks is that he would be all jittery like a puppy ready to go play catch if it were his job. HE LOVES hooking up his trailer and driving around picking up his toys. I just don't get how spending 3 hours on transporting heavy, dirty things that need to be strapped down and run the risk of flying off the trailer into oncomming traffic can be a good way to spend my time.

Anyway, that is why our marriage works so well. I am just hopping that the need to do that kind of thing is really minimized... or at least condenced into the 2-weeks that he is home. So, today I am gratful for surviving the ordeal, for a hubby who likes that kind of ordeal and all the fantastic things that make my house a home. The only thing I am missing is Hubby and he will be her soon. Life is good!

We're Outta Here!

2007-10-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

I wanted to blog the exciting happenings for a while now, but haven’t had a spare second where I wasn’t exhausted or too frazzled to think. I’m still exhausted, and probably too frazzled to think now, but at least I have a spare second so here goes.

WE ARE OFFICIALLY HOMEOWNERS!!!

Yippee! I can’t wait to see it and unpack all of our almost-new furniture -- and my BED! I have spent far too many nights on someone else’s mattress… in fact, now that I think about it, 3 of the 5 years we’ve been married have been spent romping on cheap springy junk bought in bulk by organizations that really don’t care if anyone gets a good night’s sleep.

Here is a picture of our latest purchase. We still have yet to walk through this fun gambrel chalet, but I expect that we can make it home pretty quick.

I’m just ready for quality everything. It will be fantastic to be buying equity and NOT throwing away $1000 in rent each month. I am so ready to have a place of my own. I think I will knock out a few walls, paint something a wild color like burnt red or butterscotch yellow and replace that frilly trim with some big beams JUST BECAUSE I CAN!

I have big plans for this little place. On this side of the house I am going to add on a wrap-around covered porch with outdoor fireplace and sitting area and 200 sq feet of living/ dining room space with cathedral ceilings, exposed beams and a giant fireplace… no Alaskan home is complete without a giant fireplace. I believe that is the preferred place to mount the subsistence remains of caribou, moose or salmon that can’t be eaten or turned into clothing. I plan to mount our flat screen TV up there and maybe show a picture of those animals in the wild.

Ben has big plans to add on a garage/workshop for all of his toys, also an Alaskan must have. And grandma is coming out to help set up Kaia's playhouse and jungle gym. I’ll let you know how all our plans work out.

One thing I am a little nervous about is that acre of property I have no idea how to manage. The house sits toward the back of the lot, and the driveway is going to be something hellish to shovel in the winter (I heard they already have 2 feet on the ground). I’m just glad we have a monster jeep that can pack it down.

I think I might try my thumb at gardening next spring. I will have to talk to my mom about it and see if she will come up and help me get it going. I thinking about a raised, fenced, veggie garden so the moose can’t get into it and maybe some nice flower beds around the base of the house for color and street appeal. That should be a fun project to keep me busy while Hubby is away.

With all these great house plans, we have also been a little neglectful on moving plans. I didn’t think that we would be moving as much stuff back as we are. But truthfully, I don’t know what we have in storage and there are some things that would be really nice to have in our first home. So, we have been up to our eyeballs in boxes and sorting and trying to figure out what to do with all this stuff. I guess it doesn’t help that we packed up all our pots and pans and have been surviving on Halloween candy and take out for the last week.

I really wanted a plan, a list and some sort of time line for packing and unpacking all of this, but hubby decided that it wasn’t necessary. His "plan" was to “throw the shit in a box and GO!” So that is exactly what we are doing. Some boxes are labeled, some boxes are marked with important contents, but most are just going to be a surprise when we get to our new place.

The good news is that after all this scaryness settles, we will have a hot tub ready to bubble all the stress away… at least until the next day when all of our stuff from storage arrives. dun dun duuuun! Hopefully the peops who committed to show up and help will actually show up and help. I'll let you know how it all goes.

Until then, have a safe and happy Halloween!

Chaos and Adventure

2007-10-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

Confession: I have been such a slacker on the blog gig lately. I have enjoyed reading and commenting on other blogs, but couldn’t bring myself to note all the craziness in my cold and windy world. There are lots of huge changes all at once and all uncertain.

BEN IS GOING ROTATIONAL!

This is great news, but really, I’m kind of torn between the thrill of adventure and the fear of the inevitable. With this position change, he will spend 2 weeks of each month in a village that was originally established as a banishment community for criminals too tough to manage. That in and of itself is scary, but he will also be ALL ALONE out there. He will be the only officer in the village of 400 with questionable backgrounds. I understand that the emergency call volume is pretty high, and I am sure he is going to see some pretty wild things without any form of backup, but I think it will be great career experience.

Another inevitable is the move. This is what I have been wanting for the last year, but now that it is here, I am getting cold feet (literally and figuratively). Not only am I dreading the packing and moving and unpacking of all of our stuff, I am really going to miss the friends I have made up here. I have even been experiencing some Barrow nostalgia.

This has been a great time to get in touch with who I am and what I want. Even under all the fluff and insulation required up here to survive, this place has stripped me down and taught me a few things. I have even begun to appreciate things that I couldn't see or understand when I first moved up here to this Arctic wilderness.

The whaling boats bringing in their hunt, the community coming together to process the subsistence for their families, the incredible animals that survive here in the wild like the foxes, owls, caribou, walrus and polar bears, the smell of the ice taking my breath away and the sun bathing everything in oranges, purples and pinks, the snow drifts snaking across the tundra and the beautiful ribbons of the Aurora Borealis all inspire me in ways that I could have never known without living this adventure. I know this kind of experience is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, because there is no other place like it.

Our next adventure is off to an amazing start too. We have made an offer on our first house and it has pretty much just landed in our laps. We are pretty much ready to close with the exception of the appraisal and we haven’t even seen it in real life! If the appraisal comes back at or below what we are offering, we will reconsider, but for now, it is kind of like waiting to see if we won the seeds of our dreams on e-bay.

I HATE THE WAITING GAME! I just want to know where we will be moving in just 3 weeks. I want to know if this is the place that we can get our financial boost into our Adventure Resort. It seems an unlikely place, but I am oddly comfortable with the shape of this wild ride. Whoodathunkit?

Anyway, there are no deep thoughts or big self-awareness revelations to report, just a bunch of chaos and adventure. Wish us luck!

A Barrow Date Night

2007-09-27T23:57:00.000-08:00

Well, it was almost a date night. It sure would have been nice to have a night for just the two of us, but tonight wasn't our night. We decided to head out on the town for a burger and fries (I know, not fitness program compliant, but at least I really enjoyed an ice cream dessert too.) Anyway, we couldn't find anyone to take Kaia for the evening... so it was a decent plan for a family night.

After chasing Kaia around the restaurant and attempting to keep her off the heating stove in the middle of the dining room, we headed out to the beach where we met up with the North Slope Borough Wildlife guy. He was looking for the walrus that was reported to be in the area. We decided to take a drive down the beach to see what we could find.

And here it is:

A gigantic, tired walrus with a huge crowd of about 60. Yes, that is snow in the picture and that girl is wearing shorts and we are all less than 100 feet away from it. It's like the whole town turned up to check him out. He looked around and watched the four wheelers and kids rolling around in the sand. I wonder if he thought we were as interesting as we thought he was.

People crowded the beach and got right up close to where the walrus had hauled out. I was certain that one guy was going to play "slap the walrus" because he ran up to it so quick and got a picture right next to it! Nothing like a marine mammals protection act to be completely ignored in a village Dependant on them for survival.

I felt really bad for that poor walrus. He looked so exhausted and I'm sure he had been swimming FOREVER! The reports say that the ice pack is more than 200 miles away! and that is where he would have had to come from. I don't know where else he would have been. It's a mystery.

I just hope that the Natives don't get restless and kill him. They have already taken 6 this year and one was just poached for his head / tusks. That makes me SO ANGRY!!! Well, I will save that for another rant.

For now I will leave you with a bit of walrus trivia. Did you know that the walrus penis is proportionally the largest of all mammals and has an ivory bone that helps it erect enough for successful mating? The Natives call this piece of ivory an "Oosik", but I would have thought "Guutfaq" (their word for water arrow) would be more fitting.

Weak Weekend

2007-09-24T19:02:00.000-08:00

So the diet failed miserably! But I am back on it today and doin' okay. I think I may have overloaded my weekend and really didn't have a chance at making it through without cheating at least a little.

My first party of the weekend was a hit and successfully landed me $700 in sales and 2 more parties down the line. I would say this Pure Romance things is working out pretty well despite the fact that my second party completely flopped. I picked a really bad date for my "grand opening" and had a pathetic turnout. Even so, I did book 2 more parties from guests that weren't even able to attend. I may get the guts to go for that again in a couple of months, but am hoping beyond all hope that I WON'T BE HERE!

A fancy little opportunity has presented itself and we may just take it. An officer from the village rotation is looking to leave Alaska before the winter and has basically handed us his house and rotational position for a deal we can't afford to pass up. Hmmm, this could get interesting. I will keep you posted on any progress, but I am hoping to move within the next few months.

Anyway the third party was hubby's work party and it was a lot of work and a lot of fun. It was nice to attend a party where once the food was prepared, I was done entertaining. No pressure, no objective, no sales goals, just good company and lots of great food I had deprived myself of for nearly 4 weeks. It was a good weekend.

PMS on a Diet

2007-09-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

Um... THIS SUCKS!!! Ya know, if it wasn't for my goals and schedule, I would be found at the bottom of a Dorito's bag with chocolate on my chin and a doughnut in each hand and my hubby and kiddo would be hiding out under the bed! I am so frustrated with this white knuckling it gig that I am just 1 tantrum away from blowing it.

It's like trying to keep a school of pirhanas off a drumstick. Every time I turn around, there's one more reason to bite the head off of something. The problem is that I used to litterally bite into something to tame that urge... and now I have a conflict of interests.

I've actually been doing great at being ISHI from my last post, but I'm missing my PH because of the danged PMS. My schedule is pretty much holding me together, but I actually feel like I am on the first week of Medifast again, but worse! I figure if I can stick it out through the weekend, I will definitely meet my goal weight by Thanksgiving... yup, just in time to splurge and enjoy the holidays :) NO?

Well, I think that I will reward myself with a fantastic winter wardrobe (as if its going to look great under a gigantic down parka and snowpants ) and allow myself to enjoy 1 great meal each holiday WITH dessert and all the carbolicious sides JUST BECAUSE I CAN!

I am so looking forward to the health and strength and confidence that being in shape will afford me. I am craving an athletic body with everything I got working for me... not against me. I am craving a happy fit into a size 8 jeans and a sexy fit into the long abandoned lingere sitting in my bottom drawer. I am craving an acceptable finish to a mountain foot race in Anchorage next summer, and I am so looking forward to the ease and mobility of all the fun backpacking and hiking adventures in training.

I crave the freedom from the guilt of an undisciplined lifestyle. I crave the freedom from the stereotypes of the overweight. I crave the freedom from the addiction that has plagued me since college and am so ready for the freedom of self mastery.

My prime adventure depends on living each day at my prime. My prime adventure requires energy, fitness and endurance for a long-long life. If I am really going to leave a legacy of love, leadership, integrity and many shared adventures, I am going to have to love myself enough to go for what I want, lead a healthy lifestyle to influence and help others, be honest with myself about my food adiction and STOP CHEATING ON MY PROGRAM, and finally, I need to get fit enough to enjoy my edventures to the fullest.

If I can FOCUS ON THE GOAL, FOCUS ON THE REAL CRAVING and FOCUS ON THE PRIME ADVENTURE, I know that I will be living the life I was crated to live. I will have the peace and freedom that I crave and each day I succeed, I can savor the joy that comes from obtaining that.

YAE FOR SUCCESS!

I've Had ENOUGH!

2007-09-18T20:02:00.000-08:00

This summer has been completely chaotic at best as far as developing a routine and structure for the development of our little Kaia. I think my neglect is really starting to show, and I have simply had enough of the incessant whining and wrestling and chasing down just to take care of the routine daily duties.

I finally dug up the old family values that my hubby and I agreed on back before Kaia was even in the picture, and we set up some new house rules so that Kaia can expect consistency and fairness from both of us. I figure that writing it down is a form of commitment so sharing it must take things a step further. It is important to me... one of the MOST important things to me to be a good mother, and this is going to help... A LOT!

I know our intentions are really good, but thus far we have done NOTHING to implement them. So here is our "Hail Mary" attempt as we launch into a renewed effort to be an intentional family.

HOUSE RULES
1	Respect each other's bodies, beliefs, feelings, spaces and things
	Things to be respected include:
	Guns
	Harmful Chemicals
	Medicines
	Dad's Uniform and Work Equipment
	Fragiles, Expensives and Irreplaceables
	Table Tops
2	Honor the family values
	Honesty: Always tell the truth and follow through on commitments
	Unity: Support and defend each other
	Neighborly Kindness: Give back to the community and help others
	Spirituality: Seek connection to God and Universe
	Adventure: See opposition as challenge and play hard
	Knowledge: Seek understanding of truth in all things
	Excellence: Give 100% to everything you do
	Respect: Always respect self and others
3	*Live by your best understanding of truth and right*
	Promote seeking truth and right, even if there may be opposing views.

We haven't quite agreed on a form of punishment and the spanking thing bothers me a great deal... besides, it's not working. There has to be a better way to enforce the positive behavior without threats or anger. When yall find the cure for that, let me know.

Anyway, I figured that it would be good to be more specific in our family goals and objectives and came up with this:

GOAL: Be PHISHI		OBJECTIVES
Progressive		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to personal study and development time
Happy		Maintain a balanced daily schedule by weighing activities and prioritizing weekly
Inspirational		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to achieving personal goals and 1 hour/week helping others do the same
Strong		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day for physical activity, family recreation or team sports
Healthy		Eat natural foods in healthy proportions by taking time each week to plan and shop for meals.
Intentional		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to meditation, mission- oriented development and visualization.

Once establishing this, it was much easier to set up a schedule that meets my needs, Kaia's needs and stays in line with the family rules, values, goals and objectives. So, I came up with a great schedule to intentionally implement traditions and healthy habits into our daily routine.

At first it seemed like a crazy thing to attempt, but if I give a little flexibility to allow a 15-20 minute activity to take place anytime within an hour of it's intended time, things really go a lot smoother for everyone. I actually began implementing the week before we went on vacation and it worked out really well for everyone. Now I must re-dedicate myself to this so that I can keep my sanity and prepare for the long winter ahead.

Now I am looking at how to best fill the toxic hour between 5 and 7 with something that is meaningful to me and gives me a break and transition from my day. That time should be fun bonding time or simply recreational and there are some really good options.

There is a FREE open swim at the high-school during that time that was actually a lot of fun for both me and Kaia. I think with the child-care kids, she feels a little needy for mom at the end of the day and that is a great place and time to play together on Mondays and Tuesdays and Ben will even be able to join us every other Tuesday.

On Wednesdays, I think I will give to Daddy for a Daddy/Daughter date night and hit the open Gym for serious, uninterrupted weight training with a friend. Thursdays are really our best night to do a Date night, so I think I will try to arrange a baby sitter for that night and see if hubby would be interested in hitting up the lap swim, the open gym or see if there is a couples team sport we could do together and maybe even have dinner or a "treat" before or after.

Friday nights work best for our social nights as Hubby will sometimes have poker, and I may have Bunko, a Pure Romance Party or hit up the bingo hall for some wild and crazy girlz night goodness. I haven't quite figured out what to do with Saturdays yet. Maybe they will be floater days for Pure Romance Parties, the rare outdoor adventure (yah, while the temperatures are above 0 degrees anyway), or even my guilty pleasure... scrap booking/ play dates. Sundays are good for church and planning the activities for the following week.

I think that about covers it. Wish me luck on maintaining my determination to stick to this and regain and maintain my sanity as my two favorite addictions (mountain adventure and junk food) are not options with my current location and goals. Hey, If I can stick to it, I figure there won't be time for an addiction anyway and all that will be left is exactly what I want.

An Awesome Week in Anchorage

2007-09-17T18:02:00.000-08:00

We flew down to Anchorage on Tuesday morning, retrieved our Jeep from storage and ran all over town celebrating our anniversary, visiting friends, shopping for houses and stocking up on supplies to bring back to Barrow. By the time we got to the weekend, we were completely exhausted, but couldn't help ourselves. We headed into the hills for some crazy off-roading, hunting, berry gathering and camping.

Now for the weekend confession: I cheated quite a bit on my program with tons of great dinners. I did stick to the (mostly lean) and green meals, but got a little reckless with the fats and even had 1/2 a piece of bread with my anniversary dinner. I snacked on cheese sticks twice and didn't get all of my medifast meals in... I also got so dehydrated my lips almost fell right off my face. The kick is that I was able to stick to my weight-loss program reasonably well staying under my calorie limit and staying in ketosis. Now that I am fully hydrated again, I actually lost 3.5 lbs last week! That is 15.5 total since starting Medifast 3 weeks ago, and 89 lbs from my heaviest. I still can't believe I survived all of this chaos and still kept on target. I think the mountains are my new addiction... well, they have always been my addiction, but now they are even more so.

Now I'm back in Barrow, with no mountains for hundreds of miles and heading into a weekend of 3 parties. If I can make it through this weekend, I will be temptation free till Halloween. Wish me luck!

Here are some great pics of all the fun in the beautiful Alaskan autumn:
*****
The sun kisses the mountain tops in Hatcher's Pass, just north of Anchorage. You can see another rig winding up the dirt road to the left. This is an amazing trip you must take if you are ever in Anchorage. A stock, rental car could make it over the dirt road, but I wouldn't take it off on any trails. *****
Kaia got a kick out of the rugged ride. She only got scared a couple of times with the crazy articulation of the jeep and one deep river crossing. It was hillarious to see her get such a kick out of Ben's aggressive driving, but I did feel bad when she sat forward in her seat with eyes as big as pumpkins and mouth as tiny as a pea saying "oooh, oh, WO, WAH, WOAHHH!" as we headed into the rushing water up over our 35" wheels... I guess that would be pretty scarry as she is only about 28" tall.

*****
A great picture of our good-friend Brian crossing the river in his suburban he so lovingly calls 'Big Sub' ... hummm, wonder how he came up with that one. He'll try to cross anything and I've seen him swamp it once and come really close 2 other times!
*****
Here is an awesome picture of our new friends Dean and Jesse on the rocky trail we played on for 8 hours. Check out the vibrant fireweed and the amazing contrast in the fall foliage! I. LOVE. MOUNTAINS!!!
*****
Here are the boys and their toys. Jesse, Brian, Hubby, Dean and Justin. I'm a little biased, but I think our Jeep ROCKS! It's by far the best looking and has the creature comforts that most off-road buddies don't get to enjoy as they are rattlin' along the highway or bumpin' through the woods.
On a tastier note, all the red you see in the mountain carpet are low bush blueberry leaves. We had a great time helping ourselves to hundreds of the billions just chilling in the crisp fall air.
SO TASTY SWEET!!!*****
Hubby (on the right) shot his first Ptarmagain with one shot. That is Brian (on the left) with his feathered prize. I am proud to say that we had Carribbean-Style, Dutch-Oven Ptarmagain for Dinner that night and it was super yum... hummm, I wonder what ptarmagain ranks on my weight-loss program? Tastes like chicken, but I'm guessing LOTS leaner and definitely organic!

*****
Here's the campsite our last day out. It rained all night and snowed on the tops of the mountains we had just been up trecking around and picking berries in.*****

Gratitude Sunday: A Ticket Outa Here

2007-09-10T01:10:00.000-08:00

I am so excited about our big trip to Anchorage. It is partly our anniversary celebration, but mostly a recon mission to find a home and PLAY. I have learned to appreciate things about Barrow, and I will probably miss parts of it when we move, but right now, I'm just grateful to have a ticket outa here.

Tuesday Night is our anniversary dinner. On Wed., We are doing the shopping thing then going out with friends. On Thurs, we are house hunting and probably getting stuff ready for the weekend which will be spent trecking and wheeling through the mountains. YAE!!!

I've got big plans to stay on my program, and it might just happen. I will give myself one night to indulge in the buffalo chicken salad I have been craving, but I am really going to try to avoid the carbs so that I don't undo the 12 lbs I have worked so hard to lose... again. Hopefully, I will still lose a pound or two next week, but we shall see.

Yae For Hubby Time!

2007-09-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

It has been a really long time since Hubby and I were able to spend some quality, uninterrupted time together. Most of the time we just replace each other in the bed and kiss each other a quick 'love ya' before one of us heads out the door or off to sleep. But last night was a much needed chance to just snuggle and laugh and wrastle like we used to.
It was the first night in what seemed like months that he didn't have to work and once we put Kaia down for the night, we were surprised to be alone together. Despite my new side job, it wasn't as much ‘sexy’ as it was fun and bonding (although there was definitely a sexy chapter of our evening). We were able to talk about how things are going, how we are feeling psychologically and what our big hopes and dreams are for the next step of our amazing adventure together. I had forgotten what that was like; we hadn't done it in so long.
We used to take a bath together almost every day. We would sit in there for about an hour and just talk. This continued right up until we had Kaia. Now it is just really hard to find a way to do that with out our little blonde-haired cutie poppin' in to see what we are up to. It's funny that I had forgotten how good it felt to bond like that. We stayed up till 2 a.m. just being together and I had forgotten how much I needed that.
You would think I would resent Kaia for robbing us of that, but the truth is that I forgot I even had it. Now that I found it again, I can put it out of her reach. There IS time in our lives for just being us and spending time together, we just have to make sure it is a priority and build it into our daily, or at least weekly traditions. There IS alone time for each other, we just have to keep from getting distracted.
I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such an amazing guy love me like he does. It was so great to be reminded of that and enjoy that time together without the T.V., internet, phone or kids distracting us from what we really want... each other. Yae for Hubby Time!

Weekend Confessions & Gratitude Sunday: My Side Job

2007-09-03T13:46:00.001-08:00

With temperatures now in the 30's and losing 45 minutes of light each day, I was starting to get a little depressed about the upcomming winter. Then I really started to consider getting a job... but I didn't want to abandon Kaia, or be stuck in a job I didn't like. So, for my big weekend confession:

I signed on with Pure Romance, a woman-to-woman company selling relationship enhancement products!

I wasn't sure if I was the right make and model for this kind of side job, but Saturday night was my first Girls Night In and we had a BLAST!!! I couldn't believe how fun it was to share the benefits of such intimate accessories and even more surprised at how profitable it was. My first party grossed nearly $2000 in sales! I more than made back my investment and am excited about the new friendships and opportunities that come with such a crazy job.

I have already booked 3 more parties, and it looks like the business is off to a good start. The problem is that I am still a little nervous about how it will be received by some of my more conservative friends and family. I still haven’t told my mom and am not quite sure how best to do that. Um… yah… so… I um… uh, I sell sex toys mom. The truth is that it is more than just sex toys, it is confidence and creativity in the bedroom. It’s a fun way to feel beautiful and sexy and enhance the most important relationships in a safe and supportive environment.

I am really grateful for finding such a great opportunity in such an unexpected place. I am really going to enjoy helping the women of Barrow get their sexy on! I am excited about reaching out beyond the confines of my small social group and the parameters of this Arctic village to inspire others too.

If you are interested in getting your sexy on, or just curious about what I do with Pure Romance, check out my side job at: sierrahunsaker.pureromance.com

My Fitness Adventure

2007-08-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

I started my fitness adventure on January 2, 2006. My hubby snapped this picture just 3 days AFTER I gave birth to lil’ one. You could guess by my expression that I was NOT amused. I would have to say that this was, BY FAR, the worst I have ever physically looked and felt in my entire life. Granted, it wasn’t all weight related, and that fantastic moo-moo is far from flattering, but I know it would have been a LOT less miserable had I been more fit. You can’t really tell how bad it was, because I never let anyone take photos of my whole self unobstructed. The computer generated model based on my beginning stats was created here.

I was a size 24 weighing in at 278.5 and couldn’t walk around the block, let alone enjoy a real life adventure. I was alive, but not living the way I was created to live. I knew that I would never find happiness in this depressed condition because it just wasn’t me. My life had tragically derailed somewhere, and I needed to get back on track.

I assessed my habits, activities and obstacles in the way of living my PRIME adventure and even had to reevaluate that adventure all together. I discovered that my fitness was only a small part of the bigger problem. I found more than one “conviction” that just didn’t work for me anymore and had to make a lot of pretty big changes to jumpstart the life I was designed to live. So, I quit working on someone else’s agenda and started working on my own.

I joined Weight Watcher’s and was back to the pre-pregnancy at 4 months on my fitness adventure. This was the only picture of that timeframe where I wasn’t completely hiding. I was thrilled to feel good enough to travel, shop and accessorize, but I still felt lost and out of control. I wasn’t confident with me. It wasn’t about the appearance as much as it was about feeling trapped in a body that didn’t match my adventure.

I plateaued here for a few months before joining my mom at the Metabolic Research Center for weight loss. I received some great coaching and worked with the program for about 6 months and dropped down to a size 12 weighing in at 175. This was a fun time of many adventures that were meaningful, fun and in line with my true self. I wasn’t ashamed or afraid, or hiding from anything! I felt sexy, confident and in control. I wasn’t invisible anymore; and I really liked the freedom of fitness.

However, I want more. I want fitness on a higher level, maybe even competitive. I want to compete in adventure races, but more than that, I want to be able to have my own adventures with ease and comfort. I was built to live an adventure in the mountains and that is always more fun when you’re only packing stuff that can make your life more enjoyable.

I think an athletic 160 lbs would treat me really well and would be more in line with my PRIME adventure. It would be great if all I had to lose were those pesky 15, but I lost my vision in the dark of Barrow and gained back a whopping 40. I was able to shed another 15 when I trained to pace my dad on the Hardrock, but gained 10 back when I returned to Barrow. I am tired of the yo-yo gig and need a little help to get the progress to stick.

So, I joined my mom on another program called Medifast. They requested that I take a really good “before” picture, but I am a big chicken and am going to refer you to the computer model for my “before” and “after” pix for 4 more months until I can get you a real life “after” shot.

I am SO ready to have my prime body so I can optimize my PRIME Adventure. This is something completely under my control, and I am no longer going to make excuses about my difficult environment, or why I can’t make it happen; and I'm even considering registering for an adventure race next summer to keep me on track and maintaining the success. YEEHAW!!!

On My Health Kick Again!

2007-08-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

OK. That’s it! I got on the scale and saw that since my fantastic health kick back in July, I have gained a whopping 10 lbs! That really sucks because now I know that if I am ever to gain and maintain my happy state of health and fitness, I am going to have to WORK at it every day! However, I am feeling a real frustration with where I am and have decided to jump start my health with Medifast.

I plan to lose 40 lbs and would really like to do it before Christmas. I am certain that it must be done and convinced that I can do it. So here we go! I started the program yesterday with a nasty head-cold issue and really haven’t been all that hungry. Go figure. Anyway, I can’t tell if the headache is from the sinus stuff or from Medifast but am really leaning toward the sinus stuff being the source of all my problems.

Anyway, I have done some soul searching into why I have such an addiction to food and what I can do to overcome it. I know that just not eating any is not a good long-term fix, so I am definitely going to have to get to the bottom of this sometime quick.

I talked about this before here. But since then, I have realized that I use food as a treat for everything. If something good comes my way or I have success at something, I treat myself with food. If I had a hard day, am worried, bored or feeling sorry for myself, I treat myself with food! I don’t want to overlook the chemical dependency aspect either. If I am sick, PMSing or just dragging ass, food is a quick and inexpensive way to pick up the endorphins and serotonin in the system.

The problem is that I am realizing that it really isn’t all that inexpensive. The $ value is deceiving because it really doesn’t take into account the damage caused to my self esteem and confidence, the “larger” wardrobe I have to purchase, the medical bills for increased health problems that will only continue to rise exponentially and of course the cost of all the diet programs I try in desperation. So, really, when I treat myself with food, I am spending literally thousands of dollars on CRAP!

So, as a wise financial maneuver, I am going to treat myself with pedicures, weekend get-a-ways, hair highlightings, fun hobbies and adventures. When I am triggered to “treat” myself with food, I am going to “treat” myself to something much more valuable and much less costly. The problem is that it is going to take more work and planning... especially here in Barrow where resources are scarce.

To take some of the work out of the equation, I did a little brainstorming to list more cost-effective ways to treat myself and this is what I cam up with:

If I am alone with lil’ one-
Pull out my scrapbooking gear and play
Get on the internet and blog
Wrestle and tickle and play with kid toys
Go for a walk or beach comb
Paint our toenails

If I am alone with Hubby-
Sex is always a good treat
Massage may require some bribing, but it’s worth it
Movie is an easy go-to outlet
Bath Time (where we used to go to chat)
Go to gym and workout

If the family is all together-
um… well, everything I can think of depends on more than one circumstance that we don’t have any control over and rarely work in our favor… We gotta get the hell out of here so we can go camping, hiking, snow mobiling, off roading, fishing, backpacking, snowshoeing, bowling, skating and enjoy sporting events, museums and zoos. I would even go for window shopping at the mall if there were such a place here… but noooo; No such things in Barrow! This place sucks for family entertainment. I guess that isn’t fair, we have had 5 or 6 days where the stars all aligned and we were able to go out and enjoy 4-wheeling, snow mobiling and 2 beach campfires… but my treat cravings are FAR more frequent.

If I am all by myself-
Yah right, like that ever really happens, but if it did, I would go trail running for a good 3 hours, come back and take a loooong hot shower and then get some uninterrupted time on the internet. Now that would be a treat!

If I am out with the girls-
That would be a treat in and of it's self!

Not-so-Interesting Adventures

2007-08-24T10:09:00.000-08:00

I have always prided myself on my adventurous life and story telling abilities, but lately, I am having the weirdest feeling that I am not as interesting as I thought I was. The feedback I am getting makes me think I may be quite self absorbed. My adventures really aren't all that meaningful or exciting to anyone but me, and I am starting to think that the emphasis I put on them makes other people feel like I think they are boring.

That couldn’t be farther from the truth! Any interaction with another person is the most interesting thing happening in my life, and all the other activities are my best attempt to keep from dieing of boredom or self-medicating with junk food. If I have bored you with my lengthy and not-so-interesting stories or implied that I think you are boring, I sincerely apologize. My intent is to inspire not discourage or make anyone feel inadequate.

I have decided that I am going to make an effort to reach out and help other people feel interesting and good about their adventures. I can do this in conversation by asking more open ended questions, soliciting more information with follow up questions when short or incomplete answers are given, and limiting my lengthy monologues to my blog entries.

Sorry yall, I gotta record how fantastic my adventures are for me and my posterity. If my stories aren’t interesting or inspiring to anyone else but me, everyone else can ignore them. But if my stories are discouraging or demeaning to anyone in any way, please let me know so that I can apologize and communicate my intent more clearly.

PMS BS and TMI

2007-08-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not pregnant and I'm starting to wonder why the hell not. Just before the start of each cycle I start thinking I have all the pregnancy symptoms, then like clockwork they all roll over into the crabby, crampy PMS symptoms. I would much rather have the pregnancy symptoms because at least they yield good product. Besides, we would really like to have another baby-- soon.

What does it take to make a baby? I haven't been on birth control since Kaia was born, and I think we are having enough sex but not too much at the right times of the cycle and then some. I was thinking that it had something to do with my health, but Kaia was conceived when I was a good 40lbs heavier than I am now and a LOT more stressed out.

Unless, by some strange irony, boredom causes infertility, I can't figure out why we aren't expecting. Maybe it's just the workings of a merciful God... mercy for whom I'm not sure, but I can't help but feel that we are in the quiet before the storm. Whatever the case, I'm at peace with it. Even though big changes are coming, I am excited about the adventure they will bring.

The problem is that I'm not sure what I am supposed to do to prepare. It's almost like every effort is just spinning my wheels and getting me nowhere. I want action! Less planning, less thinking, more doing... much more doing. I have been ancy to DO and sure enough, the opportunities just came out of the woodwork.

So, in the spirit of doing, I have signed up for a weight loss program to get rid of those last stubborn pounds and finally get control of my fitness. Committed to a workout program with a friend, and even got Hubby on board to get in shape.

I am also doing childcare to supplement our savings for a home. I have 2 great kids lined up and think it will work out beautifully. It will bring in $1200 extra each month and really has potential to do much more. I have already been approached by 2 other moms wanting me to take their kids, but I don't like kids all that much. Yah, I know. Childcare is probably not the best profession for me, but I think I am a pretty good mom and can share that for a few hours a day with 2 more kids for a few months. I do think that more than 2 might push me over the edge though, and you just can't put a price on sanity. Kudos to all you moms out there with more than 2!

I am also considering becoming a health advisor and/or pure romance consultant. These are just a few of the many ideas and opportunities that have presented themselves in the past 2 weeks and all but paralyzed me with indecision. At least with these last 2 options, I get adult interaction and can participate in activities I really like. Who knows, maybe the fitness improvements and pure romance products will inspire some baby making ideas. It will be interesting to see how things all work out.

Decision Drought

2007-08-20T01:03:00.000-08:00

I don't know what the hell is goin' on here. I haven't been able to make a decision to save my life and it isn't just big things, it is little things. Do you want to have a diet coke or full octane coke? Ohh... ummm... uhh... Would you like to write about what happened this week, an interesting topic or just not write? Ohhh... ummm.... I haven't written in a while... uhh!

It's even Gratitude Sunday and though I have much to be grateful for, there isn't much that has happened recently to make any one of them stand out above the others. I could write about them all, but prioritizing them would require making a decision... dammit.

It is so unlike me to not know what I want. I am always so opinionated and can at least come up with a preference on an impulse. But lately, it's like I suddenly lost all cognative skills. I don't even remember the last time this happened to me... oh wait... Am I pregnant?!?!

You know the crazy thing, I think I would be happy either way... talk about indecision! Could this be a change of seasons thing a PMS gig or is this all just crazy talk? Ohh... ummm... uhh... I dunno.

Fear and the PRIME Adventure

2007-08-15T10:48:00.000-08:00

It occurred to me that there is something keeping me from reaching my big dreams and it’s ME! It is both good news and bad in that this obstacle lies within my locus of control. But at least now I can work on getting over it.

I think what has been crippling me is that I am afraid that my definition of success isn't in line with my true self, and that I will some day regret missing the boat. I don't know why that scares me so much. I have no regrets to this point in my life and actually cherish my mistakes as stepping stones to character building. I guess now the consequences seem somehow heavier, and life, a lot more fleeting.

The problem is that I spend too much time dreaming and not enough time realizing. I’m having a hell of a time choosing exactly which step will make me the happiest and be the best for my little universe in the long run. What it comes down to is that I can do any one of several different things and be successful; the trick is finding which thing is in line with my PRIME thing. Which thing is going to make my efforts Personal, Rational, Intentional, Meaningful and Eternal?

I need an adventure that is personally mine and mine alone, an adventure that rationally balances my mission and responsibilities, an adventure that I intentionally design and live because it is entirely within my locus of control. I need an adventure that meaningfully empowers and fulfills my life mission and eternally inspires others because it is bigger than me and reaches beyond the grips of death.

My PRIME Adventure is to share my passion and legacy through nature and outdoor recreation. It is in my heart to own and operate an adventure lodge and inspire others live their own PRIME Adventure. I haven’t quite worked out the details yet, but I know it takes place somewhere in the Northwestern United States. I know that the programs and activities will be high adventure and my circle of influence will go beyond my little community of family and friends. I know it will require me to stretch myself to relative perfection and hold me accountable to my values and principles.

As with every adventure, my PRIME Adventure comes with its own collection of doubts and fears. Some fear is good fear. John Long, a famous climber once said “The caliber of the adventure is proportional to the level of doubt maintained.” Real adventure requires some fear of the unknown and the possibility of failure. Nobody wants to fail, but in the scheme of a PRIME Adventure, it is really more of a progressive journey anyway. A PRIME Adventure is eternal, failure is only temporary.

So what am I afraid of? Why am I holding back from living my PRIME Adventure? Why am I letting myself get distracted on detours and getting tangled in everybody else’s adventures?

The truth is that I am terrified of being bored with a tiny life. I am afraid that I will not be able to realize my PRIME Adventure or worse, I will and then regret it. I am afraid that in living my PRIME Adventure, I will neglect my responsibilities as a wife and mother, which brings me to the humbling realization: Though my hubby is my hero and my daughter is my pride and joy, they are NOT my PRIME Adventure. They have their own adventures to live and their actions are beyond my locus of control. Investing all my energy into serving them is not MY adventure, but my contribution to their perspective adventures, and that is not the most effective way to live a PRIME adventure.

WOW! By continuing to do what I am doing, I am bored and living a tiny life! I'm not living my PRIME Adventure by waiting! Waiting for what? The stars to align? The Law of Attraction to dump a lodge in my lap? For someone to pat me on the back and reassure me? Am I really that naive and needy?

I think I am waiting for the peace in knowing that my family has a place in my PRIME Adventure. Without them, my life would be tiny. Without them, the meaning and eternal reach of my legacy would be lost leaving me only with PRI, and that doesn’t make any sense. Where do I find that peace? I think it is somewhere locked inside me but I am pretty sure my hubby has the key. I just need to ask him for it.

I guess I am pretty needy. I need to know that he supports me in living my PRIME Adventure. I need him to know what I need from him in terms of support and encouragement. I need his reassurance that he values what I bring to the table.

WOW AGAIN! I don’t think I was entirely prepared for these deep realizations this morning. I think it is time for a serious chat, one that I’m not quite sure how to initiate. Wish me luck!

Gratitude Sunday: A Change of Seasons

2007-08-14T00:02:00.001-08:00

Today I am grateful for a change of seasons. The sun is finally setting, and I can’t help but feel a little relief. It is almost like I have been awake all summer long and now suddenly feel like I can get back to a normal routine. Even though the sunset is between 1 and 3 am, it still offers a bit of a better nights rest.

Last night I laid in my living room and listened to the waves crash on the beach. This is the first time the town has been quiet enough and the waves loud enough to notice in the 9 months we've been here. Granted, the ocean was frozen the first 7 months. I have enjoyed the summer of the midnight sun, but now it is really beginning to feel like fall. I have my concerns about the inevitable winter, but I am really enjoying the change of seasons… as quick as that change has come.

This picture was taken by John Falk, a guy who has a website of interesting Barrow Photos. I don’t know him, but think that maybe I should… maybe I do and don’t realize it. Humm, I just realized that I really don’t get out all that much and don’t know many people here. Truth be known, we have actually had a lot more socialization the past week than I think we have had the whole time we’ve been up here.

Tuesday and Thursday were bonfire/ weenie roasts at the beach with different groups of people. Friday was a BBQ with a bunch of officers in town for annual training. Saturday was a potluck and scrabble night at a dispatcher’s house and tonight was another BBQ! It has been really fun getting to know more people and enjoying some adult conversation, beverages and entertainment. All of this play time has been great, but I can’t help but wonder how things are going to be when it slows down again.

I think it is unnatural for me to be here, and I really look forward to getting our own place somewhere with mountains and trees and where I know the sun will come up every day no matter what. But in the mean time, I will enjoy my Barrow experience and be grateful for the changes both in nature and myself.

Sicko and Psycho

2007-08-13T15:54:00.000-08:00

I am at the end of my rope with a sick kiddo. Her annoying booger nose has now developed into full-fledged asthma attacks and coughing spasms that continue off and on through all hours of the night. I’m not sure what is worse, the whining, clinging and thrashing around, the sleepless nights, or my fear that she is going to have to be med-evaced to Anchorage. The anxiety and frustration has turned me into a total psycho. Any little thing is just too much for me to handle, and I am totally on the verge of throwing all of our dirty dishes away just to get rid of them!

I have done all I can to keep my sanity, but I am running out of options. I have cleaned the house (except the dishes) done 3 loads of laundry, started a my-space page that I still don’t like as much as my blog and bathed sicko 3 times already today to keep her occupied and decongested. I would really love to get out, but it is not a great option with a sick kiddo. There is nowhere to go, nothing to do and nobody to see when you have a sick kid. Any other mom doesn’t want their kids to get sick. Any other public place is too germ infested to an already compromised immune system, and nothing even sounds fun with a whiny, clingy kid on your hip. Any tips or suggestions could possibly save me from becoming totally irreversibly psycho.

The Big 5

2007-08-11T10:46:00.000-08:00

A while back I requested some fun and sexy ideas for a 5-year anniversary surprise. Well, yesterday was the big day and we "surprised" each other with a trip to Anchorage. Ben arranged the flight to a place with trees (which is more beautiful to me than if he had bought me flowers) and I arranged the cozy log cabin (which still honors the tradition of wood). We are going to postpone the celebration till the 15th of Sept (Ben's next weekend which actually coincides with cheaper airfare) when we can look at property and get the loan stuff all settled out (Hubby's gift to me). Then we are going to go off roading and camping with some frineds (my gift to Hubby).
Just so we didn't sit around bored on the actual day, we did go to a friend's barbeque and had a great time. They even called into the local radio station to wish us happy anniversary over the air and everyone cheered. Gotta love small towns! I will miss the people up here, but ya know, there just aren't enough good days like that to justify the really hard ones.
The truth is I will miss some things, but I am really looking forward to having a clean and nice place that reflects my taste and has conveniences like a garbage disposal and dish washer. Not to mention that many friends come through Anchorage at least once a year and will now have a place to stay when they do.

Meme and the Power of 3

2007-08-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Squish at Bossy Mom to meme this positive power of 3 and I pass the fun on to K.B. at K.B. Squared.

1. Name three things that you adore.
- my family
- my mountains
- adventure

2. Name three things you appreciate about your spouse/significant other.
- his integrity
- his sense of humor
- his commitment to his family

3. Name three things that you are especially good at.
- organizing adventures
- developing projects and programs
- initiating change