Gratitude Sunday: The Wilderness

I have had some unique experiences in the wilderness throughout my life. Some wildernesses are beautiful and full of contrast and color, while others are completely void of any form of eye candy. One thing is certain in all of my wilderness experiences; the wild is wildly powerful. I have had more insight, direction and inspiration in the most wild places I have ever been.

My trip back to Colorado has been one of the more powerful relationship building excursions with my dad and I have been physically challenged, emotionally charged and spiritually edified. I don't know any better environment than the mountains to do all of that, and I am truly grateful that I had the opportunity to venture down south and be changed forever. This country is definitely on my list of top ten places to be and I think I may have to put this excursion on a list of top adventures too.

I will include some excerpts from my pack journal, but I gotta let yall know that I kicked ass on the Hard Rock. It was awesome to get up there and feel so strong and healthy. The training was hard, the acclimatizing was fun and the race itself was empowering and motivational. I realize now that it was a once in a life time experience and I will probably never get the chance to do it again.

I met up with my dad at 4:45 am in Ouray and headed into the hills after only 2.5 hours of sleep. I was heartbroken to find that Dad was so sick. The demands of such a race are unreal and he had been physically pushing himself for about 23 hours straight. After reloading his supplies at the aid station, he violently threw up and away we went. It surprised me that he was still determined to finish, but his doubt was almost palatable. I guess that is what makes it an adventure.

We maintained our "finish pace" for about 4 miles and then things got bad. I cold feel myself pulling further and further ahead. I would slow down to a crawl as the terrain became steeper and knew that Dad was in trouble when he literally sat down on the side of the road and said "I CAN'T do this thing on e-caps and coke." It was one of the hardest things for me to see him so weak. He is super man! He isn't supposed to get tired or sick or hurt. To see him heaped up in a pile on the trail was tough and I didn't know how to encourage him. I knew that we had to make up time if we were going to make it and I knew I had the strength and determination to do it. I also knew that my dad’s determination could only go so far and then real energy was going to have to come from somewhere if he was going to make it.

He was finally able to keep a bit of food down, and he gutted though the next 5 miles with difficulty. At the top of the mountain pass, we were standing on a ledge little more than 5’x5’ with a steep drop off both sides. The view was incredible and I was more than elated to be at the top, but I knew that Dad wasn’t in any condition to stay there long. He was teetering on the hairy edge and wasn’t quite keeping his balance. We restocked our canteens and made a run for it into Silverton. That was the longest 5 miles of my life. After 11 miles of UP we were on a 5 mile stretch of down that covered approximately the same elevation drop as the 11 miles gained. It was very hard on the knees, hips and ankles to say the least.

The good news is that we made it and I was strong enough to average the finish pace. I can’t help but think that had Dad kept his cookies, we could have far exceeded it. I also can’t help but think that had Dad been at his best, he would have left me for the dogs. Long story made short: I met my goal, but learned that ultra marathons are NOT for me. After just 16.1 miles, I had had my share of abuse. The mountain hurt both of us. Unfortunately, I was not nearly as ambitious as dad and was happy to stop in Silverton. He went on for another 4 hours but was unable to keep the finish pace and returned to Silverton disqualifying himself from the race.

Later he confessed that this was his last ultra and that it was vanity that made him come back every year to abuse himself like that. He committed to taking better care of himself and choosing sports that were more positive and strengthening in his life. He has 3 finishes under his belt and still reserves bragging rights, but he is on to bigger and better things that are more fun. I only hope that he will invite me on some of these wild adventures too.

This wilderness adventure has taught me that my dad is still superman, but he is a smarter and more humble superman than I have ever known. The mountain beat him, but he was a composed and reasonable, traits that had eluded him when I was under his roof. I have seen a side of him that was real and new and confirmed my respect for him in a big way. But there is so much more to this wilderness trek that changed me forever.

Here are some journal excerpts and pix from the journey:

Day 1: High in the Sky and No Worries

This is our first camp site at Columbine Lake, elevation 12,400 feet and on the way here I realized that it has been 7 years since I last ventured into the San Juans. I feel like I'm visiting an old friend. Does she remember me? Will I be able to enjoy her company or will she push me harder than ever before? I'm as ready as I have ever been. I've charted my course, defineed my goals and trained and invested in the gear. I've done all that I can to make sure I am prepared for this reunion. The good news is that my physical prep is paying off and I don't even have the high altitude head ache that is so common in this territory. But there is still a part of me that wonders if I have prepared enough.

The focus of all my perparation has been physical and I totally neglected the spiritual and emotional preparation of such an experience. I have been spiritually blown away with the scope and vision of the universe and am even overwhelmed by the beauty and power of simple flowers doing their thing on the side of the trail. I have really been starving for this kind of experience and feel connected again. My relationship with deity definitely comes to life in the wild and I feel closest to perfection when I am only constrained by the most raw and simple laws of the universe. Here, I feel a sense of love and belonging, even when I am all alone.
I know there is magic in my outdoor adventures. I gain new perspective on challenges, open doors to new opportunities and refocus my energy on what matters most to me. My journey into the wild brings me deeper inside myself than I could ever go in the comfort of my man-made world.

Day 2: The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Music

Somewhere above Columbine Lake we found this amazing ridge of wildflowers and spectacular scenery. I found myself spontaneousely smiling. What a funny thing to notice! It was something I was deprived of for some time now, and didn't entirely know when I lost it or even that I did until it came back. I remeber I used to smile all the time. I didn't have to look for things that were smile worthy. I used to get a kick out of just about everything and I know I was a LOT more positive, fun and charismatic.
Today, I am taking a stand against the bumbed out me, and I am going to get those personality traits back. I't going to take some effort and planning, but what a fun project! I'm fighting for my true self once and for all!
Some ideas about how to do this:
1. Take adventrues... lots and lots of em
2. Seek out and surround myself with others that have those same traits
3. Be consious of the little things
4. Appreciate everything

I think this has a lot to do with why I love the mountains. Every living thing is so strong and resiliant to the harsh enviornment, yet fulfills it's life purpose so beautifully and effortlessly. The amazing thing is that even if I weren't here to enjoy it, it would still be doing it's thing. Life out here isn't preoccupied with what comes next or whether or not it is making a big enough difference in the world. It is just being true to itself.

Day 3: Lost in the Mounains and Finding Treasures

We hiked into the mountains headed due north to a lake we've never seen. The route looked promising, but things always look better on paper. The trail was little more than a game trail that appeared and dissappeared as mysteriousely as the game itself. We finally stumbeled onto an old prospector path to nowhere and that is exactly where we ended up. After a few hours and hiking up to about 12,600 feet elevation, we finally looked aroudn and asked "Where the hell are we?"

We dragged out the map and decided we were in the wrong gulch, but were satisfied with our view and the soft patches of moss and high-mountain grasses. As we pitched our tent, a cyote passed by and a whistle pig started up conversation. Later we watched a family of deer traverse a mountain side I wouldn't venture to cross and we were serenaded by the sounds of the trilling rock birds.

It's funny how food always workd it's way into conversations when your selection is limited to what you carry in you pack, but I really liked the analogy that Dad brought up. He says that each of us have a set of passions that add kick ot our livess and the lives of others. At this point, I know lots of the ingredients in my sauce and am just tinkering with the measurements and instructions to perfect the recipe.

My Special Sauce:
Wilderness brand Adventure for a sweet and tangy base
Positive and Passionate brand energy for just a spicy kick
Loving brand Service to satisfy the soul
Relevant and Significant brand Knowledge for nutritional value

Looking over those ingredients now, I think I might be buffalo sauce!

Anyway, that buffalo wings sounded pretty good, and this was the closest we could get to chickens. Check out these little birds I found hanging out at about 13,000 feet in a tiny nest in the rocks. We were wandering around trying to find a different way back to the trailhead… that wasn’t really a trail head… and there it was, a tiny little nest with 2 baby birds and an egg. They were no bigger than the tip of my thumb and the nest itself was no bigger than a softball. Amazing little creatures in such a harsh environment. It would have been a tragedy to have not seen them and “CRUNCH!” after all their effort to simply survive. So many treasures in such surprising places!

Day6: Race Day Jitters

I was surprised at the energy in the room at the start of the race. There were so many people who have trained the whole year and were about to embark on an incredible feat of endurance and determination. What a neat group of people. So strange though. They all looked healthy, with a bit of wildness in their eyes. I don’t know if it was fear or crazy I saw, but lots of runners had it. The trouble is that I knew quite immediately that I was out of my league. I am healthy and strong… just with no desire to prove it like that. Good luck runners! Git r’ dun!

Day 7: The Big Climb

I couldn’t believe how steep it was and was sure glad that so many other runners had been through there kicking a staircase into the snow so that I could climb. I've decided that pictures can't ever do this justice.

Day 7: The Top of the World

So here we are on the top of the world. I think the elevation here is only 13, 100 or so, but the climb was incredible! The view was spectacular and it felt great to know that there was no more UP. Unfortunately, the down hurt me LOTS worse than the up. So much pounding, so much throbbing and baking in the sun took it’s toll on me and I was definitely done when we reached the Telluride aid station. Yae for us!!!

Only In Barrow!

I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes Barrow so unique and thought I would make a Top Ten list to share a little piece of my world with you.

Top Ten Reasons You Should Need a Passport to Come to Barrow:

1. You can’t get here without paying air-fare equivalent to traveling to another continent
2. English is a second language and acceptably butchered by alcohol or poor dental hygiene
3. The words “DARK” and “COLD” take on new, intense and powerful meanings
4. There are only 2 seasons: Break-Up (a muddy, smelly, trash-thawing mess lasting 3 months) and Winter (the DARK and COLD other nine)
5. Health Care options are comparable to a 3^rd world country
6. It is not uncommon to see VERY unusual fashions and shorts and t-shirts are regularly sported at any temperature above 0 degrees Fahrenheit
7. Homes, automobiles and other vehicles of transportation are commonly “home grown” or “home modified” meaning there is no way they would pass any safety codes or inspections by normal US standards.
8. Frozen or rotting carcasses of seal, whale, duck and caribou are standard front-porch ornaments
9. The prices of goods and services appear to be stated in some form of foreign currency. (Can they really charge $25 for a gallon of Soy Milk and say it’s on sale?)
10. A four-wheeler and snowmobile are commonly primary sources of transportation (even for families of 5 and especially with fuel prices expected to reach $7/ gallon by August)

When I first moved here in November, I really thought that I had moved to the surface of the moon. Since then I have discovered a few interesting things and some of them are quite wonderful. The most wonderful things have been realized in personal perspective and experience. All in all, it is an amazing place to strip all the chaos of the regular world away and discover who I am and what I want. It has been a fantastic adventure and it will always hold a special place in my heart. It is definitely not for everyone, but I am grateful for the time I have spent here.

A Fun Meme and The Secret

Have you ever hit the “next blog” button on the blogspot toolbar? I did and it brought me here. Amazing what I found about the law of attraction! Where does the "next blog" take you?

I have actually been thinking about the topic of my "next blog" a lot lately and trying to apply it to my goals. It's funny, but I think the law of attraction actually brougth me there. Anyway, here are a few good questions bolded and itallicsed I kyped from Million Dollar Project and attempted to answer. It actually inspired me to think through another Top Ten list of what I want. Unfortunately, it also left me with a few big questions of my own.

Do you know what you want – your desires?

1. I want to be healthy and strong enough to run 16.1 miles of the Hard Rock by July 13^th 2007.

2. I want to renew my wedding vows with my hubby on our 5-year anniversary in August 2007 somewhere beautiful.

3. I want to live below the Arctic latitude by January 2008.

4. I want to own my own investment property/home by January 2009.

5. I want to run a successful Adventure Lodge and start sharing my passion for Nature, Life and Adventure on a commercial scale by December 2020.

6. I want to teach my daughter healthy and happy life skills by December 30, 2023.

7. I want to have the financial freedom to travel to amazing wild places every year or so.

8. I want to be an inspiration and teach and be taught by everyone I meet.

9. I want to help others find peace and joy in their life path.

10. I want to leave a legacy of love, leadership, integrity and many shared adventures.

.
Do you know how to ask for what you want?

I think I do but I can’t be sure. I spend a descent amount of meditation time imagining how I will feel and what I would be doing on a daily basis when these dreams come true. I also speak to others as though those things are in my forecast. I also pray for guidance in setting my goals and strength to live the life that would get me there. But I wonder if I am jinxing it by putting time limits on the universe or putting too vague or too specific a desire out there. Am I close?

Are you able and willing to allow it to manifest in your life?

I think so, but sometimes I think I am self defeating when I am OFF and make posts like this. But when I am ON, I feel like some of these things are already mine… or at least that I am on the right path to making them happen. How can I make myself MORE able to allow it to manifest in my life?

You will learn the answers to these questions by taking inspired action.
You learn what you want and don’t want by acting in the world, by doing things. If you have never tried painting a picture, how do you know if you are passionate about it or not?
You learn how to ask for what you want by acting in the world. You learn how to allow it to manifest in your life by taking inspired action.

Okay, time for a deep question. How do you know it is inspiration and not just butterflies or excitement to do something impulsive or stupid? I think we have all misinterpreted inspiration and found ourselves in a bit of trouble… A certain spring break trip to Seaside and more than a few boyfriend disasters comes to my mind. Yah, those didn’t end so well, but things could have ended a LOT worse. But I digress. This is something that I have given quite a bit of thought to.

How do you know what God/ the universe wants for you? How do you know when you are on track with the plan? I think there are some actions that aren’t inspired and really set us back, so how do we avoid these and still live life to the fullest?

All I got for answers to these questions is that I have to trust my personal relationship with God/ the universe and that Christ/ grace and love will compensate for the impulsive and stupid things I mistake for inspiration. I also have to think that God will at least be understanding of my uncertainty in his methods of communication. Inspiration isn't always clear and the Bible just doesn’t help much with helping me define my personal life path toward leaving my mark and achieving my dreams.

The infinitely powerful universe wants to help us create what we desire. The universe has you on this earth right now so that you can create your desires.
We are not here to be miserable and live a life of struggle. The universe will help you create your desires. When we flow with this energy we become co-creators of our lives with the universe. The universal energy flow is working with you to create what you want. The universe does not fail. Inspired action takes your magical thinking and dreams and manifests it. It aligns your thoughts, feelings and actions.

If you stop struggling and relax and start flowing with the universal flow of energy, imagine the peace you would feel without having to struggle everyday in your life.

I partly agree with this. As I consider myself somewhat spiritual, I consider the universe to be a personal and loving God. I think that there is more to this life than our own desires. We have to align our desires with the desires that God has for us. That is a very personal and intentional quest. I know that we are not here to be miserable, but sometimes the valleys of our lives are where we learn the most powerful lessons, come closest to the truth of who we really are and what we can become and gain the sustenance and shelter that just aren't up there on the mountain top. I am a bit of a believer in “no pain, no gain,” but know that this life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest. I also believe that I am a co-creator in my life. I am NOT a victim or a pawn, I am an active participant with real intentions and can create what I want with God’s help. It is all about that inspired action thing. And what is with the magical thinking? Is that like big dreams and pixie dust? Now it is just up to me to align my thoughts feelings and actions with what God really wants for me… yah, not so simple.

I completely agree with the stop struggling idea. I think it is like the sweet spot on driving a clutch; you have to struggle a little bit to find where it is, and that road is pretty rough, but once you find it, life is sweet and flows much more smoothly. Sometimes I think I am fighting too hard for something that really isn’t me. But growing up in sports, I’ve been taught that quitting the fight is loosing the battle. I guess it all comes back to picking my battles and aligning my life with God’s desire for me. I still haven’t found the sweet spot, but I feel a lot better about the road since I left Mormonism and showed up for my personal driving course with the manufacturer… God. Now if I can just learn His language...

Top Ten: Personal Ironies

I haven't done a Top Ten list in a while and found this meme topic quite interesting. I would love to read a few of your personal ironies in the comments. So, here they are, my top ten personal ironies in chronological order.

1. For the longest time I said I would only eat wild game. Then I despised killing animals and decided to stick to beef, pork and chicken. Then I discovered that beef, pork and chicken come from cows, pigs and chickens and I went vegetarian for about a year. Now I prefer wild game or organic meat (but I do enjoy a good greasy burger once in a blue moon).
2. For the longest time, I said that I would never be a runner, I actually hated running. Then I joined sports and it became part of the price to play the game. Then I got in shape and it wasn’t so painful. Then I started running on Mountain trails, Desert trails, Arctic trails and began to enjoy it. Now I get excited anytime I think I might get to run a trail and am planning on pacing my dad on a portion of his 100 mile ultra-marathon.
3. For the longest time, I said I would never go to a Mormon Church College. Then I went to BYU for a year and then swore I would never go back. I graduated from BYU with Recreation Management and Business Management Degrees.
4. For the longest time, I said that I would never neglect my physical health. Then I let myself go and put on 130 lbs. I have since taken off 100 and am working really hard to get rid of that last stubborn 30.
5. For the longest time, I said I would never go on a Mormon Church Mission. Then there was a period they wouldn’t have let me. I was the first of all my girlfriends to actually do it and served an amazing 17 months in Europe and Africa, learned 2 new languages and learned a LOT about myself, others and life in general.
6. For the longest time, I said I would never get married or have children. Then I was voted most likely to get married right out of high school and start a family. I was the last of all my girlfriends to actually do it, but have a wonderful hubby of 5 years in August, a beautiful baby girl of 17 months and I wouldn’t trade ‘em for anything!
7. For the longest time, I said I would have an adventurous career like an Astronaut who discovers intelligent life on other planets and travels to new galaxies or a Marine Biologist who discovers new life forms in the ocean deep. Then I discovered that I’m not all that good at math but have an affinity for the mountains… on earth. I am now a stay-at-home mom living on the Tundra… no mountains, but I have created new intelligent life in a place that is like another planet… that should count for something.
8. For the longest time, I said I would accomplish big dreams of running my own business. Then I signed up for several of those pyramid businesses and NONE of them ever made me any money. I still have plans to run my own adventure lodge, and it is closer now than it has ever been. Now we just have to decide on a place to build it.
9. For the longest time, I said I would move to Alaska and make that my home. Then I vacationed in Alaska, worked a summer in Alaska and honeymooned in Alaska. Right after college I moved to Alaska. Now I count the days till I can get the hell out of here and am debating on whether or not I really want to make it my home.
10. For the longest time, I said that I would never even think about leaving the Mormon Church. Then I questioned the integrity of its members, left and said I would never come back. Then I realized the members aren’t a perfect example of the doctrine, came back and said I would never leave again. Then I questioned the doctrine and seriously considered leaving again. I finished my mission, got married in the Temple and continued a strong-active member for 5 more years. Then I questioned the effect of all the doctrine on my personal relationship with God and how the contradictions would ultimately affect my children. I have since left again, but have no intention of predicting the future. If God leads me back, that’s His business.

Funny Meme

I found this great meme and tag Tori to google her name + the word "needs" and record the top 10 things that google thinks she needs. Kimmy, you are not off the hook yet; you still owe me your meme for real mom.

When I googled my middle name + the word "needs," I found the following:

1. Mia needs an airport authority: Or at least the airport authority benefits to fly outta here regularly
2. Mia needs a home that would give her lots of pampering and care: Our own home would be nice
3. Mia needs to work on an international scale: Running an adventure lodge would bring in international business
4. Mia need help: Some may say professional help :)
5. Mia needs a bag including "sparklies": Every woman needs a good bag with sparklies
6. Mia needs to hear Peppermint Gondry: I was curious and clicked on the link, it's a list of songs most of which I have heard. Appearantly there are a few more I should look up and listen to before I have an unfortunate run-in with a steam roller.
7. Mia needs an "R" rating: Sometimes I do... depends on the day.
8. Mia needs a professional and welcomming web site: YES, I am actually trying to build one for the city of Barrow to be a one-stop source of information. It's called Tundra Trax. Fun little project, but I don't know what I am doing.
9. Mia needs a clock for the time machine: Well, I don't know what time I would travel to, so this one can wait.
10. Mia needs a Ninja Burger Shirt: What is a ninja burger?
    

Unusual Things About Me

I was tagged by Emily to share 6 unusual things about me. Well, I must admit that I had a bit of a tough time picking things that were blog appropriate, but I have narrowed it down to these few.

In the spirit of listing my top tens, I figured I would post them all up here and let you pick which 6 you like the best.

Top Ten Most Unusual Things About Me

1. I climbed a 14,000 ft peak
2. I backpacked over 300 miles (not on the same trip)
3. I served a mission in Africa and Europe
4. I speak 2 languages fluently and understand 2 more
5. I lost over 100 lbs last year
6. The mountains are my favorite refuge
7. Death by polar bear and exposure are real dangers in my day-to-day life
8. Exotic dance is my new favorite indoor workout
9. Everything I swore I would never do, I have done
10. It is my dream to build and run a successful family adventure lodge

I tag Tori

Tastiest Dishes

I have been thinking a LOT about my favorite foods lately... mainly because they are hard to come by up here in the Arctic, but partly because I will be traveling down to the lower 48 here in a week or so and can get access to them. It will be great to go to a shopping center and not have the sticker shock I have experienced up here. Can you believe that a gallon of milk costs $8 here? Don't even get me started on cheese and produce. In any case, these are the tastiest dishes that are delicacies on the tundra.

1. Blueberry Cheesecake
2. Garlic Chicken Pizza
3. Enchiladas
4. Lasagna
5. Tacos
6. Carrot Cake w/ Cream Cheese Frosting
   
7. Fresh Fruit
8. Citrus Grilled Salmon
9. Corn and Oysters
10. Anything Chocolate
    

Most Spectacular Places

I don't know if any of you are familiar with the movie Madagascar. But today, I am feeling the part of the zebra... well, I would be more so if I had the motivation to get on the treadmill. Anyway, I have been thinking about all the coolest places I have ever been and imagining that I am there... not here in the coldest place I have ever been. Through the process, I thought I would post a top 10.

There may be many more of these as time goes by, and I start missing things that are just hard to come by up here in the remote parts of Alaska. Here is a top 10 list of the most spectacular places I have ever been. They just happened to coincide with my top 10 best adventures, so I placed them in chronological order to when I experienced them not their order of spectacular-ness. Someday, I may post stories about the adventures. But for now, the top ten list will have to do.

1. SAN JUAN MOUNTAINS, COLORADO

2. SILVER FALLS STATE PARK, OREGON

3. COLUMBIA RIVER GORGE, OREGON / WASHINGTON

4. DENALI NATIONAL PARK, ALASKA

5. KENAI FJORDS NATIONAL PARK, ALASKA

6. THE GRAND CANYON, ARIZONA

7. ARCHES NATIONAL PARK, UTAH

8. YELLOWSTONE / TETONS NATIONAL PARKS, WYOMING / MONTANA

9. CROW’S PASS TRAIL, ALASKA

10. WEST COAST TRAIL, BRITISH COLUMBIA