My One Word

When I first started blogging, I was inspired to come up with a one word focus for the year. It is an interesting concept that lends itself to bettering the world and bettering my personal universe. This one word is supposed to be a guide or a goal for making progress on a daily basis. I started with CHANGE in 2006. In 2007 it was INTENTION. 2008 got a little muttled with the difficulties of pregnancy, but the word to best describe it would b EXPAND. I expanded in patience, in family members, in humility and in size. Yay for pregnancy! I also expanded my comfort zone to include a few new ideas and hobbies. So that was 2008.

My one word for 2009 will be GRATITUDE. I want to show my gratitude for my body by taking better care of it. I also want to teach my girls to appreciate and take care of their bodies. I want to show more gratitude for the earth by being more proactive about conserving energy and utilizing all of my resources in a responsible way. I want to show more gratitude for my friends and family by making a stronger effort to keep in touch and encourage them in their own goals.

This one word is something that I have always felt in spurts, but have always been a little inept with demonstrating, and I've been really irresponsible about teaching it to my children in the past. No more though. My girls are going to learn how to appreciate the little things, take care of the big things.

I hope that everyone will take a few moments to identify a one word that inspires them to make positive changes and find meaning in their lives over the course of the next year.

Confessions on Church and Christ

I have been thinking about this topic a lot for about 10 years. I really wanted to post something from my heart, but didn't want to open up a religious debate or cause heartache to those who won't accept the same perspective that I have gained.

I muster the courage to do so partly because I use this blog as my journal and feel this points more to who I really am than a lot of my previous posts, but mostly because I realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I do hope that you will feel the spirit of my words and not get caught up in my limited ability to communicate in this format. I also hope that if this post inspires a comment, you will do so in the spirit of love not fear. So, enough prefacing here... I'll get to it.

The teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have always been a significant part of my development both physical and spiritual. In fact, they played a critical role in turning me toward the light and beauty that is Christ... that is until I found myself going through the motions of those teachings and struggling to make them personal. I hungered for a deeper bond and belonging to the faith that I had known and practiced my entire life, but felt stagnant.

As I turned my energies more toward Christ and less toward the actions or doctrines that were supposed to bring me toward him, a reoccurring theme of Love resonated within me, and I felt a peace and awareness that wasn't there before. I discovered that there is great peace in the spirit of love. It is through love that I am bound to my family, friends and Christ. Through love, I have found a way to forgive and be forgiven. Every miracle in my life is the product of love from others, and I am certain that my love for others has manifest miracles in their lives as well. It is through love that I am turned toward all that is good and beautiful.

It is far too easy to forget how simple and amazing that is in all the distractions of social rules, cultural traditions and religious doctrines. For some, these things serve as a comfort and protection from change or far more devastating distractions. I can respect that, and I honor the personal sacrifices made to conform to them, but I can no longer continue making sacrifices just for the sake of the rules, traditions and doctrines alone.

The truth is that after much study, thought and prayer, I really feel that those "things" those physical, temporary and ever-changing rules, traditions and doctrines are standing in the way of my personal relationship with God. About 2 years ago, I discovered that for me to live a truly authentic life consistent with what I know of God, I could no longer follow these blindly, in fact, there are many I cannot follow at all. Not because they are hard or burdensome as I find many of them easy or rewarding on social and egoistic levels, but because I don't feel God in them.

I guess technically, I could follow them, but my heart could not be in it. It would be a mockery for me to pretend that I am doing God's will when I don't feel him in my church practices, and it would be disrespectful to those who do feel God in the same church practices. That is why I no longer participate in many practices believed and upheld by so many of my friends and family.That is why I have distanced myself from the church.

In doing so, I have had to accept a lot of responsibility. If I am wrong, it is a personal matter for me to work out with Christ. I can no longer shift the blame to others, because I follow my best understanding of the voice of God within ME. If I am wrong, the consequences are mine to bear and not on the shoulders of my husband or other leaders in the church. The good news is that bearing consequences makes discerning his voice a little easier and a lot more important. I find that I put a lot more effort into learning, discerning and following his voice, and as I do so, I move closer to being who and what I was created to be.

This is not to say that others do not have inspired counsel that can point me toward that love and peace I seek. There have been many who have spared me heartache and tears by helping me see more clearly... many who follow or dictate the church doctrines. However, I have past the threshold of substituting another's counsel for the voice of God within me. I have learned that inspired counsel will resonate within me if it is truly inspired. I have also learned that there are many sources of inspiration. God is simply not restricted by one organization or authority, and I find great peace in that.

I acknowledge the fear and worry these thoughts may trigger in many concerned friends and family still affiliated with the L.D.S. church. It is not my intention to cause pain. I hope that if this post does cause you pain, you will find comfort in my continued desire to seek a personal relationship with God and not be distracted by our differences. I don't claim to have the answers... that is part of the great journey and adventure we call life, but I do know what resonates with me, and I hope I have communicated that well enough to ease some apprehensions.

To be honest, I feel a bit of relief in opening the lines of communication on this matter. I know it is an awkward thing to discuss, but I feel comfortable with the decisions I have made, and confident in my reasons for doing so. If there are any specifics that will ease curiosity or concern, please feel free to e-mail, call or post a comment. I look forward to the opportunity to share my experiences.

Deep Thoughts by Sierra

Do you ever come across a question that you think you know the answer to, and then it just creates more of the same kind of question? I've been reading A New Earth by Eckhert Tolle and one of the questions that came to my mind was this:

If everyone could see things for what they really are... just things... would things cease to exist all together? Could we as a species really evolve enough not to need things?

I think maybe that can only come after we die. Technically we are a thing and need things to survive. I don't think things aren't bad, they just become destracting or even dangerous when we use them to identify who we are. Things like food, housing, transportation are all necessary parts of survival in our modern world, but they are also status symbols or identifiers of personality or preference.

So, how do we NOT identify with things that we need to survive? Or deeper yet, is it wise NOT identify with the things that symbolize or embody what really matters ie. our children? Hummm.

PMS BS and TMI

So, I'm not pregnant and I'm starting to wonder why the hell not. Just before the start of each cycle I start thinking I have all the pregnancy symptoms, then like clockwork they all roll over into the crabby, crampy PMS symptoms. I would much rather have the pregnancy symptoms because at least they yield good product. Besides, we would really like to have another baby-- soon.

What does it take to make a baby? I haven't been on birth control since Kaia was born, and I think we are having enough sex but not too much at the right times of the cycle and then some. I was thinking that it had something to do with my health, but Kaia was conceived when I was a good 40lbs heavier than I am now and a LOT more stressed out.

Unless, by some strange irony, boredom causes infertility, I can't figure out why we aren't expecting. Maybe it's just the workings of a merciful God... mercy for whom I'm not sure, but I can't help but feel that we are in the quiet before the storm. Whatever the case, I'm at peace with it. Even though big changes are coming, I am excited about the adventure they will bring.

The problem is that I'm not sure what I am supposed to do to prepare. It's almost like every effort is just spinning my wheels and getting me nowhere. I want action! Less planning, less thinking, more doing... much more doing. I have been ancy to DO and sure enough, the opportunities just came out of the woodwork.

So, in the spirit of doing, I have signed up for a weight loss program to get rid of those last stubborn pounds and finally get control of my fitness. Committed to a workout program with a friend, and even got Hubby on board to get in shape.

I am also doing childcare to supplement our savings for a home. I have 2 great kids lined up and think it will work out beautifully. It will bring in $1200 extra each month and really has potential to do much more. I have already been approached by 2 other moms wanting me to take their kids, but I don't like kids all that much. Yah, I know. Childcare is probably not the best profession for me, but I think I am a pretty good mom and can share that for a few hours a day with 2 more kids for a few months. I do think that more than 2 might push me over the edge though, and you just can't put a price on sanity. Kudos to all you moms out there with more than 2!

I am also considering becoming a health advisor and/or pure romance consultant. These are just a few of the many ideas and opportunities that have presented themselves in the past 2 weeks and all but paralyzed me with indecision. At least with these last 2 options, I get adult interaction and can participate in activities I really like. Who knows, maybe the fitness improvements and pure romance products will inspire some baby making ideas. It will be interesting to see how things all work out.

Fear and the PRIME Adventure

It occurred to me that there is something keeping me from reaching my big dreams and it’s ME! It is both good news and bad in that this obstacle lies within my locus of control. But at least now I can work on getting over it.

I think what has been crippling me is that I am afraid that my definition of success isn't in line with my true self, and that I will some day regret missing the boat. I don't know why that scares me so much. I have no regrets to this point in my life and actually cherish my mistakes as stepping stones to character building. I guess now the consequences seem somehow heavier, and life, a lot more fleeting.

The problem is that I spend too much time dreaming and not enough time realizing. I’m having a hell of a time choosing exactly which step will make me the happiest and be the best for my little universe in the long run. What it comes down to is that I can do any one of several different things and be successful; the trick is finding which thing is in line with my PRIME thing. Which thing is going to make my efforts Personal, Rational, Intentional, Meaningful and Eternal?

I need an adventure that is personally mine and mine alone, an adventure that rationally balances my mission and responsibilities, an adventure that I intentionally design and live because it is entirely within my locus of control. I need an adventure that meaningfully empowers and fulfills my life mission and eternally inspires others because it is bigger than me and reaches beyond the grips of death.

My PRIME Adventure is to share my passion and legacy through nature and outdoor recreation. It is in my heart to own and operate an adventure lodge and inspire others live their own PRIME Adventure. I haven’t quite worked out the details yet, but I know it takes place somewhere in the Northwestern United States. I know that the programs and activities will be high adventure and my circle of influence will go beyond my little community of family and friends. I know it will require me to stretch myself to relative perfection and hold me accountable to my values and principles.

As with every adventure, my PRIME Adventure comes with its own collection of doubts and fears. Some fear is good fear. John Long, a famous climber once said “The caliber of the adventure is proportional to the level of doubt maintained.” Real adventure requires some fear of the unknown and the possibility of failure. Nobody wants to fail, but in the scheme of a PRIME Adventure, it is really more of a progressive journey anyway. A PRIME Adventure is eternal, failure is only temporary.

So what am I afraid of? Why am I holding back from living my PRIME Adventure? Why am I letting myself get distracted on detours and getting tangled in everybody else’s adventures?

The truth is that I am terrified of being bored with a tiny life. I am afraid that I will not be able to realize my PRIME Adventure or worse, I will and then regret it. I am afraid that in living my PRIME Adventure, I will neglect my responsibilities as a wife and mother, which brings me to the humbling realization: Though my hubby is my hero and my daughter is my pride and joy, they are NOT my PRIME Adventure. They have their own adventures to live and their actions are beyond my locus of control. Investing all my energy into serving them is not MY adventure, but my contribution to their perspective adventures, and that is not the most effective way to live a PRIME adventure.

WOW! By continuing to do what I am doing, I am bored and living a tiny life! I'm not living my PRIME Adventure by waiting! Waiting for what? The stars to align? The Law of Attraction to dump a lodge in my lap? For someone to pat me on the back and reassure me? Am I really that naive and needy?

I think I am waiting for the peace in knowing that my family has a place in my PRIME Adventure. Without them, my life would be tiny. Without them, the meaning and eternal reach of my legacy would be lost leaving me only with PRI, and that doesn’t make any sense. Where do I find that peace? I think it is somewhere locked inside me but I am pretty sure my hubby has the key. I just need to ask him for it.

I guess I am pretty needy. I need to know that he supports me in living my PRIME Adventure. I need him to know what I need from him in terms of support and encouragement. I need his reassurance that he values what I bring to the table.

WOW AGAIN! I don’t think I was entirely prepared for these deep realizations this morning. I think it is time for a serious chat, one that I’m not quite sure how to initiate. Wish me luck!

Meme and the Power of 3

I was tagged by Squish at Bossy Mom to meme this positive power of 3 and I pass the fun on to K.B. at K.B. Squared.

1. Name three things that you adore.
- my family
- my mountains
- adventure

2. Name three things you appreciate about your spouse/significant other.
- his integrity
- his sense of humor
- his commitment to his family

3. Name three things that you are especially good at.
- organizing adventures
- developing projects and programs
- initiating change

Attracting Some Inspiration

Though I don't think it is the only law working in the universe, the law of attraction does some amazing things. I stumbled onto a very interesting blog while wishing for something to inspire me and thought I would share. Patricia had some neat insight into a lot of things I have been thinking about, one of which is developing a life coaching career. I really want to explore motivating and inspiring others on that kind of a level.

I guess what attracts me so much to the profession is that that it is a world of deep thinkers and they get to encourage others to question their limits and be their very best. I want to further develop my skills and contribute in that arena in my own way. I am not all that passionate about the impersonal executive-focused coaching and not entirely into the touchy feely eccentrics associated with individual-focused coaching. I could definitely find fulfillment and success in my own little niche somewhere between work and drama with my specialty -- PLAY. Maybe I will call myself an adventure coach...

I posted some raw ideas about it here, but have since sketched in a lot more shape and structure. I had all but forgotten about it since the big race, but it found me again. It is not a coincidence but a steady draw toward something big. I want to provide the ideal environment, the tools and support for others to become an effective creator in building their own sustainable and fulfilling, life-long adventure. I want to provide an experience that will help people see themselves differently, and then champion their training and preparations to live their prime adventure. I want to guide them into nature and let the wilderness inspire them to do their thing.

I feel most comfortable working with women and have a particular soft spot for mothers and women in other tricky transitions. This may be too narrow, but I think I am going to go with it for starters until I invest in the training to get a better clue as to how the business side of things goes. For now, I am just dabbling in the framework concept and how to integrate individual coaching, group workshops and my pet project, the adventure lodge. Eventually, I would like to get my masters in an accredited program for coaching and get some certifications in Wilderness First Responder, Mountaineering, Personal Training and Life Coaching. I think that by the time I am at full speed, I could have a really fun thing going.

Big Dreams and Inspirational Twists

Have you ever had one of those inspiration moments when something that was never even a thought in you mind suddenly becomes your path? Or even the opposite when what you thought was your path forever, suddenly makes no sense for you at all? Well, I must be attracting a lot of that lately because the my most recent inspiration is a combination of the two.

My big dream for at least the last 10 years was to build a family adventure lodge somewhere in Alaska. Now I am thinking that I need to further develop my life coaching skills and make that my business somewhere in the lower 48! I am pretty convinced that my niche in that market has something to do with an adventure framework and I am certain that nature has a lot to do with my coaching environment. But outside of that, it is all VERY new to me.

I haven't given up on the adventure lodge and will probably still build it, but I think the purpose of that dream is for something bigger than vacations, and the timing of it is not quite so urgent. In the long run, my vision should look something like a life coaching spa with a focus and flare for adventure. The funny thing is that I see it much later than previousely invisioned. Something about the delayed timing makes more sense to me and I feel more peace about that.

I am interested to see how this new adventure plays out, and I am excited about the meaning and focus this new line of inspiration is bringing me. I will keep you posted on any big developments on this new twist to an old dream.

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On the training dream: I am still in training and have increased my resistence strength by 10% and my distance endurance by 100%! Yae for me! I am still only 1/2 way to my weight loss goals, but even if I'm not lookin' super hot in my runnin' shorts, I am still going to be able to run it! Hey, I can always wear yoga pants, and no competitors gotz-da know that I didn't reach my goal weight when they are eatin' my dust!!!

Tell Me What I Want...

Do you ever wonder if you are spending your time and energy developing what you really want? Sometimes it is hard in the mundane, every-day tasks to know if I am really on course with realizing what I want most... And then there is the ever-impressive question of what that really is in the first place.

As the Spice Girls song requests, ‘tell me what I want, what I really, really want!’ Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, wants something. Some try to "inspire" me to take action like ad campaigns, while others are just inspirational because they are doin their own thing. The problem is that nobody knows what I really want (including me sometimes) and what someone else (or myself in a moment of insanity) may think is inspiration is really more of a distraction. The trick is discerning the difference between the two.

I think that is where the intuition comes in; that deep sense of right or wrong that helps me discern what is good for the development of my true self and the life I want most. Great! So all I gotta do is trust my heart… right?

Well, not entirely. My experience has proven that the Law of Attraction applies regardless of whether or not what I want is aligned with my true self, the potential self a loving God created me to be. Not only do I have to trust my heart, but define and know my compass on which I define what I really want.

There have been times when I thought I knew what I wanted and the knock-myself-out path to that end sucked all the joy out of my life. There have also been times when what I thought I didn’t want was exactly the fall-in-my-lap, joyful path to what I really do want most of all. In either case, there has always been an abundance of “inspiration” to encourage compliance with what others want, but not always what I want. So now the question is: If nobody can tell me, how do I know what I really want?

I used to rely on my parents, friends, spouse or church to define, or at least heavily influence that for me. But now I am thinking ‘DON’T tell me what I want!’ I have learned that defining my true self is far too important and personal to trust to someone else. If I don’t make defining what I want a personal quest with God, I am vulnerable to a lifetime of distraction, error and chaos. So how do I have a personal quest with God?

Some people believe that the answer is in the Bible or other religious texts, but I do not feel peace that any one book is a direct fax from God or unlocks the door to my true potential. Besides, there are too many interpretations, translations and different opinions supporting what someone else wants for it to be personal. Others think that it can only be found through trial and error, but I have wasted too much time in error and that hasn’t brought much peace either.

I feel that my God gave me purpose, inspiration and intuition. With those gifts, I believe He expects me to seek out my own purpose then think through the various “inspirations” and use my intuition before taking action. So now I have come to a place where I can be open to and respect what others want, get support from those that want the same, and make all my dreams come true. Perfect!

I am beginning to realize that knowing what I really want isn’t a destination, it is a life-long journey that is made beautiful by the friends and adventures in my life. To help guide me through that journey, I have taken the initiative to define what I know of my purpose and outline a few wants that I feel are in line with my true potential. It's a work in progress, but it gives me confidence that I can take any "inspiration", study it out with all the resources I can get my little hands on, measure it against something meaningful to me, and trust my instincts to keep me moving in a more joyful, fulfilling and spectacular direction.

May you too find your way to what you really want, find meaning in it and enjoy the adventure.