Summer Time in AK

First was the Alaska 4x4 Meet and Greet. A total redneck event that I offered to chair this year. Not sure what I was thinking... maybe a few too many margaritas the night they called and asked if I would. But all went well and everyone that attended had a great time. I'm just glad it is over. Here is a link to what others are saying about it and some great pix of Kaia having a good time.

Once we recovered from that, we spent a little time getting the house put back together and took the girls out to to learn how to ride a bike.

Here's Kaia in all her biking glory.

Not at all happy to have to go home.

Mekayla had a great time too. Here she is in some Lupine in true Mekayla form. Totally excited and then totally pissed for no good reason but that she was done with the lupine.




Here's happy dog.

This 4th of July, we hit up the parade, attended a freedom rally at Wasilla Lake Park (which was interesting considering how 'Palin-friendly' and uber-conservative our little town of Wasilla is).






We even did a little fishing and then went wheelin' out to an old B-29 crash site. That was really cool considering it was a war plane that went down while serving the country I love.

Here are some great pix of that trip, and you can see more here.







Other good news. The Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge was a big success. We collectively lost 106 lbs since the start of the challenge back in Feb. GREAT JOB LADIES!!! I am going to start a new one and keep up in a forum fashion in Facebook. If you are interested, let me know via e-mail or facebook message at shunsaker@hotmail.com :) The new one starts on Friday so let me know if you want on that e-list via facebook. Thanks.

Training is going well for the 1/2 marathon. I did an 8 mile run on Saturday. It took me a good long while, but I'm just happy that I did it. I ran about 6 miles before having to walk a bit. I'm thinking I can finish the 13.1 in 2hrs 45 minutes. That is my goal and if I can drop another 20 lbs before then, I will be feeling really good about that. So... that's the goal. 20 lbs and 2hrs and 45 minutes. Wish me luck. :)

MORE good news, Kaia is officially potty trained. NO more wet pants or accidents at night. YAY KAIA!!!

My first Tri

Okay folks. Here are the pix from my first triathlon. It was awesome. I've still got a lot of work to do to be most improved next year. But I'm out there and lovin' it.
I'm down about 1/2 way to my weight loss goal and already training for my next big event. 1/2 marathon in August! Yay! Off to the races!

In other fitness news. The 100 lb fitness challenge has been a hit! Everyone has contributed to the total loss and it has been amazing! Here is the latest and greatest on the fitness challenge.

Remodeling Everything

Well, we've been busy remodeling EVERYTHING. The garage is coming along quite nicely... it is now a storage room and a drop down living room space. We just need to finish framing in the doors, cut a hole in the house, lay down the floor and put up a wall... oh yeah, we need to build an entertainment center and fireplace... okay, so we're not quite there yet.

We have also been doing a lot of remodeling in the front and back yard. We have cut down maybe 20 trees and split and stacked them for firewood. Gas prices are ridiculous and winters are coooold here. :( But at least it is good exercise and gets rid of all that dang cottonwood that makes such a mess every spring. It also lets in amazing light now for our garden, which I am excited to get started on. I figure this late in the season, I'm going to have to buy sprouts for most stuff, but with our raised bed we are building and all the berries I want to plant, we should have a really good crop this year and it will probably only cost us about a grand. Yeah! 1000 buckarooos, but we would easily spend that in berries and tomatos, so we shall see how it goes this year... wish us luck... well, at least more than last year because all we got for our $20 investment was a pea and a carrot... both of which the dog ate. :(

So back to the remodeling. I've also got a big Body Project. The Big Dreams 100 lbs Fitness Challenge is going quite well too. I've been remodeling my body to compete in a triathlon next Sunday. This Sunday is the trial run for that and I'm stoked. I'm almost to my weight I wanted to be by the triathlon, but still a long ways from 'racing weight' I decided I'm going to run a marathon next spring and am using this triathlon and other things like the bike and run for women to help me train in the mean time. I plan to get down to my 'racing weight' and then maintain for about 6 months before the race while I condition and get myself into competition form. :) REMODEL HERE WE COME!!!

Here are the fantastic numbers from the Big Dreams 100 lb Weight Loss Challenge. We are only 14 lbs away from our goal!!! That is amazing. There are 5 other awesome participants who have been miracles for my success as we have been sharing struggles and accomplishments on facebook. Once we are done with this, I may start up another one... mostly because I LOVE prizes, but also because I need the motivation and accountability.



Things have been really busy, and not much posting going on here. Sorry, I'll try to do better and catch up on all of what's goin on in your blogs.

Mommy Drama

I joined a local Mom's Club about a year ago and rarely went to any activities. Then recently, re-upped my membership in the hopes of getting out of it what I intended to the first time and I've been a LOT more involved. Well, now that I'm in it, I'm seriously thinking about starting up a new chapter.

I am just sick to death of the drama. I don't like the back biting and bitchiness and I certainly don't like the jockeying for position and power. There have been a few actions taken that are beyond repair and I am regretfully part of the problem.

About 6 months ago, the club president confided in me her frustrations with a few 'old' board members who were standing in the way of progress. Me being the action taker that I am suggested we get a group of members together that want the same changes and make an organized effort at the next membership meeting to start these projects. Since then, I haven't seen the 'old' members at any activities or meetings. Something tells me they were tipped off to the 'rebellion' that was staged.

Then there was a Mom's night out scheduled by the president and then canceled at the last minute. It was then picked up by another memeber and about 8 women showed up and had a great time. Unfortunately, another member sent out personal invitations and had a Mom's night out on the same night at a different location excluding a whole list of people intentionally. I haven't seen that 'invitation only' group of women at any activities in the past few months either.

The way I see it, there is a HUGE division in the group and I've finally discovered why that is. Feelings have been hurt and people are taking sides. I HATE THAT. I don't want to be pulled into the middle of it or forced to choose a side. THAT negates what the mom's Club is about, it's exclusive and it's hurtful. I'm not going to do it anymore. I've decided that I am going to step back in a pretty big way and give up some of the sub-clubs that I am running. I'm just going to fill my days with activities that I enjoy and spend my time with people I enjoy being around. The trouble is that I have half a mind to tell the president what I think and I can't think of a way to do that where her feelings don't get hurt. Maybe just walking away is the best thing to do.

I'm just going to have to find other ways of making new friends and find another cause to get behind. Maybe in a few months, I will look into other clubs or starting my own. But right now, I'm just feeling very negative about women in general and don't want to be a part of the drama. What would you do?

On a happier note, my Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge is going great! We have lost 15.5 lbs already and are well on our way to big success! We have decided to pamper ourselves with something really nice and out of the ordinary when we reach our goal. I wish we could do it together, but being all over the country makes that really difficult.

I change my reward about every other day, but today the plan is to touch up my tattoo and get my ears pierced again. I'm thinking the tat I got back at BYU is a little juvenile and cartoonesque for my taste now that I'm 30 and adding more black and a bit more detail in the vines could bring my little Forget-me-not flower more up to date. I also want a 3rd hole in my left ear so I can put Mekayla's birth stone in it. I usually wear Kaia's birthstone in my second holes and I'm in the process of finding my next everyday ware for the first holes. :) So that's the plan for that.

As far as tracking and reporting results, I have switched to a thread on facebook so that we can be totally honest and not worry about the whole world peeking in on our personal struggles. For now, I will post progress as a general group effort and keep you in the loop about how we celebrate our success. ;)

Big Dreams 100 LB Fitness Challenge Report

Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge
Name Start Current Goal Total % Loss To Go
Me 250 243 155 7 2.8% 88
Nicci 188 185.5 150 2.5 1.3% 35.5
Lacey 244 236 155 8 3.3% 81
Piper 209 202.4 150 6.6 3.2% 52.4
Jennifer 206 206 140 0 0.0% 66
TOTALS 17.5 7.4% 204.5
POUNDS LEFT TO CHALLENGE GOAL 82.5


We are off to a descent start, but have a ways to go. We need to start talking about our prize for reaching the goal. I'm thinking a mandatory pamper day where we take at least 2 hours without the kids to do something nice for ourselves. Clothes shopping, pedicures, margaritas with friends, whatever. What do you guys think? If we set that as our prize and we meet our goals. I'm going to expect a full report of your celebration. It is no small feat to lose 100 lbs. Thanks for joining me to make it a bit easier. If we each lose 20, we'll be there in no time. :) Keep up the good work and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

If you are interested in joining the challenge but don't wish to be named, just shoot me an e-mail and we'll come up with a nickname for you and we can support each other anonymously. :) Have a healthy one!

Sierra
shunsaker@hotmail.com

100-LB Fitness Challenge

You guys are doing great! Here's the chart for this week. I'll Edit it we need to update numbers or add anonymous people to it. If you would like to join anonymously or chat via e-mail for support I'm at shunsaker@hotmail.com. :)Keep up the good work and we'll get to our goal in no time.... Now we need to come up with a reward or prize for getting there. Any ideas!

Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge
Name-----Start---Current---Goal---Total---%Loss---To Go
Me-------250-----245-------155----5-------2.0%----90
Nicci----188-----185-------150----3-------1.6%----35
Lacey----244-----236-------155----8-------3.3%----81
Piper----209-----206-------150----3-------1.4%----56
TOTALS----------------------------19------7.3%----262
POUNDS LEFT TO CHALLENGE GOAL 81

Not sure why the format sucks. I'll work on it though.

Splish Splash and a Dash

So, I got in the pool today and seriously timed myself to see what I could do. Then came home and signed up for swimming lessons. :) I swam laps for an hour and kept a pace of about 75yds / minute. Turns out that counts as 'slow' on MFD and I'm supposed to be training for a race! I was really working at it too. Ah well, gives me something specific to work for.

I think my real problem, aside from my size and the obvious drag, is that I don't like putting my face in the water; makes for bad form. Right now, it is more of a flop, cough and spit with a lot of splashing around. I caught the life-guard watching me with more concern than I like to see when I'm a good 2 feet taller than the water is deep.

Hopefully the lessons will help me, and I'll be more efficient. The good news is that I can do the distance of the swim in the triathlon in 4.5 min right now. Seems odd that it is a leg of the race and only takes me 5 minutes to do. But I checked and re-checked the distance and my time. The 3.1 mile run and 9 mile bike will be significantly longer.

When we got back from the pool, there were 2 moose bedded down in the yard! And I was all excited about enjoying the warmer weather (we hit 31 today!) and sledding in our driveway with the girls. Unfortunately the moose hung around till after dark. Here's a pic of the beady eyes bearing down to charge my dog. That was a bit scary. Dog= 5 feet from me, moose=10 feet from dog. I've been training, but I'm not fast enough to outrun an angry mama moose. Even with a woodpile and a dog between us, my mad dash for safety would have been worthless had she decided she didn't like my flash.

Getting Serious

Okay, so I'm getting serious now. I'm still battling the ol' embarrassment issue with my triathlon. But, I'm not going to let it stop me.

The big day is May 13th. I will probably weigh in right around 220-225 at the rate I'm going, and I DON'T CARE anymore that I'll likely be the biggest girl on the course. I know that I can do the distances, and I know I can come in somewhere in the middle of the pack if I work at it. So, my 7000 calorie/ week goal is going to stand, but I am going to get specific about how I reach it.

I am going to do 3.1 miles on the treadmill, 9 miles on the bike and my weight circuit to muscle exhaustion 3/week and then hit the pool in between and swim laps for an hour. The race will be equivalent to 6 laps at my gym, so I'll do that as fast as I can and see where I'm at then train from there to push myself.

So far, I know I can do the 3.1 miles in 45 minutes on the treadmill. My goal is to get that down to 30 minutes at an incline of at least 1% and not using my hands. It takes me about 45 minutes to go 9 miles on the stationary bike. I'd like to get that down to about 30 minutes too, and I'm doing courses with hills and resistance. Man! That is tough on the rump!

I figure even if I don't improve anything, I will come in around 700th out of 1300. If I reach my goals, I will come in in the top 100! I know that the gym equipment is not the same as the real deal. So I will be really happy if I make it in in the top 200. Hopefully, the weather and the girls will cooperate soon so that I can get on the trails with my bike and chariot/jogger stroller. THAT would be good resistance training!

So, that's my goal. Thirteen weeks to Triathlon! Today I did my gym circuit training and it actually burns around 1700 calories according to MFD! I'm beat, but I'm excited. I only have about 2400 calories left to reach my goal this week, and I know I will pass it with my training plan.

As for the weight loss, we are doing great! I've got 2 gals on board and am waiting for everyone to send me their numbers so I can post our success! Only 95 more pounds to go together! Happy losing!

Big Dreams 100 lb Fitness Challenge
Name	Start	Current	Goal	Total	% Loss	To Go
Me	250	246.5	155	3.5	1.4%	91.5
Nicci	188	186.5	150	1.5	0.8%	36.5
Lacey
TOTALS				5	2.2%	128

My One Word

When I first started blogging, I was inspired to come up with a one word focus for the year. It is an interesting concept that lends itself to bettering the world and bettering my personal universe. This one word is supposed to be a guide or a goal for making progress on a daily basis. I started with CHANGE in 2006. In 2007 it was INTENTION. 2008 got a little muttled with the difficulties of pregnancy, but the word to best describe it would b EXPAND. I expanded in patience, in family members, in humility and in size. Yay for pregnancy! I also expanded my comfort zone to include a few new ideas and hobbies. So that was 2008.

My one word for 2009 will be GRATITUDE. I want to show my gratitude for my body by taking better care of it. I also want to teach my girls to appreciate and take care of their bodies. I want to show more gratitude for the earth by being more proactive about conserving energy and utilizing all of my resources in a responsible way. I want to show more gratitude for my friends and family by making a stronger effort to keep in touch and encourage them in their own goals.

This one word is something that I have always felt in spurts, but have always been a little inept with demonstrating, and I've been really irresponsible about teaching it to my children in the past. No more though. My girls are going to learn how to appreciate the little things, take care of the big things.

I hope that everyone will take a few moments to identify a one word that inspires them to make positive changes and find meaning in their lives over the course of the next year.

A Fitness Adventure Entry

I know! Two posts in two days! This is fantastic. I've been putting it off because I was just too overwhelmed with all the stuff that I hadn't reported on, but I figure the last post will do. I still have to get some of the photos from the family vacation on here, but that will be another entry... that's right, I didn't forget the promise I made.

So, I've been doing a lot of reflection and self-psychoanalyzing. The truth of the matter is that I have become nutritionally abusive to myself and am starting to pass that on to my daughters. It's an addictin and it's ruining my life. I see the cycle continuing. Bad habits were formed for me in the womb. I don't blame Mom and Dad, they had the same problem that I have... evolution and a serious history of bad habits. But damned if I'm going to pass that on!

Well, I'm going to break the cycle. I'm going to evolve into something that is going to work for me, and be a strength and inspiration for my girls. I started My Food Diary (MFD) again www.myfooddiary.com and I love it. I've got a great support group there in the 65+ lbs to lose group and I have already lost 26.5 lbs with this program! It is a healthy habits deal that helps you track and record the right kinds of nutritional balance for your body and activity level. It is very personalized and it is about healthy habits moreso than actual weight loss, but the healthy habits make for weight loss.

So, that's right. I gained crazy weight with Mekayla. A whopping 76 lbs and it really sucks considering that I had worked so hard to lose those exact same 76 lbs and then some after Kaia. But the good news is that I know I can do it and I am doing it. I've set high goals to lose 10 lbs / month and blew that out of the water in January with 17lbs! I've been busting my ass at the gym and at home on days when the kids are too sick to stay at the play center while I work out.

I've been watching the Biggest Loser this season and LOVE those guys. They are so inspirational and I am convinced that this can be done at home. Sione proved that this last month with a 25 lb loss. There is a guy on MFD who lost 25 lbs last month too, so weightloss and healthy habits can be without the ranch. I think that they are burning up to 7000 calroies a day on that ranch and I figured if they can do that in one day, I can do it in one week. So I did for two weeks and I feel TONS better. It is liberating and empowering to gain control in such a meaningful way and have it show on the scale.

Ben hasn't noticed any changes yet, but he will. I think he will come home from his 3 week stint for training and see that something is different. By then I hope to be down another 10 lbs bringing me to 36.5 lbs total! Even with as big as I feel, that is going to look different. I will probably be into a size smaller too. Good thing I kept some of my old clothes. Never mind that they range from size 6-20. Ok, the size 6 is a skirt I kept from High-school... It's a goal skirt. But really, what the hell?!? Who changes that rapidly in just 18 months? I went from a healthy size 10 in December of 2006 to a whopping 22 in July 2008. The plan is to be back down to a size 10 by December of 2009. What an adventure that will be. So far, I am right on track.

My first mini-goal was to get below 250 and I'm there. Yup, this chick-a-dee is sitting fugly at 250 again. But that won't last long, in fact, by the time anyone realizes that I'm blogging again, I'll be less than that anyway. :) So, Ben and I are going out sans-kiddos to celebrate a whole bunch of things. My birthday, his birthday, valentines day and my weight loss milestone. The next one is 25 lbs down the road and I hope to be there by the time we head out on our annual leave in April.

So, there you have it. No more fat me. Just a healthier, more reasonable me who is on the way to fitness and good life-long habits. As part of that, I will be participating in my first ever triathlon. Its in June and I will still be pretty big for a triathlete, but I'm looking forward to it and am excited that the idea of it is motivating me in the gym. If Dad gets into the Hard Rock, it might be fun to pace him again like I did in 2007. We would have to work out the logistics of that, but I'm thinking I would be back down to about the same weight I was when I did it the last time too. That would be GREAT!

So here is the schedule with coordinating status and rewards:

Feb 4th- 250 Achieved
A Date night to a nice place without the kids

April 15th- 225
A Family Vacation to see family and 5 or 6 National Parks

June 24th- 199
A Triathlon, a weekend with friends who last saw me at 276 and hopefully a trip to Colorado to pace Dad on the Hard rock at about the same weight as I did 2 years ago.

Sept 16th- 176
Exactly 100 lbs from my heaviest (this time) and deserving of a big drip somewhere awesome... I'll have to think on that one.

Nov 25th- 155
My goal weight. A trip to Portland and a $2500 shopping spree!... or maybe I'll get nominated and accepted for TLC's What Not to Wear... who knows?

So there you have it. My Holiday confession of self abuse, a big outting myself party about my weight, and the breakdown of goals from now to Thanksgiving to hold my feet to the fire. If anyone is interested in joining a collective 100lb Weight Loss Challenge, let me know and we can use my blog to track it. All I'd need to know is your current weight and have you report that once in a while. Best of luck to you in your weight loss adventures.

So It's Been a While

Heya friendly bloggers,

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted anything. We've had a death in the electronic family and I have been too bumbed to post the happenings without photos. Yeah, I know! The digital camera crapped out on us and right in the middle of our big family vacation down to see EVERYONE in the lower 48. I'm heartbroken to say the least, but Christmas will be long enough to mourn before we get a spankin new one with all the bells and whistles. :)

So the vacation was awesome. We had a great time and send many thanks to all the family and friends that made heroic efforts to accommodate us and our crazy crew. It looks like we may be headed back to Portland just before Christmas, but we gotta make sure Daddy Warbucks has enough airmiles to make it all happen. I'm not looking forward to traveling alone with the girls again, but sacrifices must be made so I can escape some of the hard winter... yeah, I know, Portland isn't quite the escape most people think of, but my mom doesn't live in Puerto Vaillarta. Dangit!

Anyway, the girls traveled really well and grams and gramps were really good to us. Kaia really enjoyed the Portland Zoo, Circus Circus Adventure Dome and playing with all her grandparents and cousins. Mekayla didn't care much and slept through most of it.

One fantastic thing that came from this trip is that we had plenty of hands to help with the transition from breast feeding to bottle feeding. Mekayla's poor little belly was just having a tough time with my milk, I cut everything out of my diet and still no help for the littles. So we are now on a soy-based formula with added rice and a shot of Mylacon and we have a whole new baby. She still spits, but not nearly as much as she used to and she seems a lot less anxious and rarely clenches her fists in pain anymore. It's amazing what diet can do for personality. :)

Halloween was so much fun, but again, no pictures. Which is really tragic because the whole family dressed up. Ben was Shrek, I was Fiona and the girls were little monsters. WAY CUTE. I'll see what I can get from our friends who took pix and post something for the record. That totally bums me out! I'm just glad the "treats" part of Halloween is finally over.

I have been tightening up on the "treats" I used to let slide and have officially signed up for the gym. I figured that when Ben is gone, I was dumping about $10 / visit on Carl's Jr. just so that I could get a break from Kaia and she could play with other kids. The Alaska club has a play center and it only costs $6 for both girls to be there for 2 whole hours to myself. You can't put a price on sanity! Plus, I'm getting my exercise and LOVING IT!!! Every last danged minute of it is FANTASTIC! and you can bet I wait till the very last minute to pick up the kids. Not because I don't love and miss them, but because I wanna make sure every penny counts.

Now, about counting, I've got a bone to pick about electoral votes. I really feel like my vote doesn't count. They called the presidential election hours before the polls even closed here. Heck, they didn't even make it to Colorado before McCain gave hes consession speech. Now I know that Obama won the popular vote too, but I wish they would have waited to declare it at least till I felt like my vote was in the mix. Anyway, congrats to all who are pleased with the outcome, my condolances to the rest of us. Now that it's over, we can unite in praying for our new president elect and that he will make decisions that will be good for our great nation. Here's hopin!

Well, since we've been back, I've started up the Mom's club book group and we had our first get together. It was nice, and I think that since more and more moms know who I am now and have been to my house, I will get more and more participation. That's right... dag-on-it, people like me.

This was especially good for my huge going out of business sale for Pure Romance. Can you believe I had nearly $5000 in bedroom accessories just sitting in my garage. Yeah, it would take a 100 lifetimes to take full advantage of that and we just don't keep that busy at our house. :) So, I had a little bash and unloaded at least 1/2 of it at screamin deals... like my cost or less. If anyone is interested, just shoot me an e-mail for a complete list of what is left and I will get it right to ya.

Well, Ben is headed back up to the slope and that sucks. It's always tough on the kids when he has to go. It's tough on me too, but I just slip into survival mode and keep my head down till he gets back. I'm hoping that between the gym and my mom's club, we will be mostly destracted and get through it without too much anxiety or drama.

Take care all and until next time... Ciao baby!

My Fitness Adventure: Another Chapter

So, this last pregnancy did not treat me nearly as well as the first and I gained a whopping 76.5 lbs. Yes, it is terribly sad, but terribly true as well. The only reason I admit this embarrassing fact is that I have begun a new chapter in my fitness adventure. After my smashing success of losing the 104 lbs in 2006, I gained all but 3 lbs of it back by mid 2008.

I attribute most of this to the fact that I lost that weight by drastically cutting calories and eating imbalanced meal plans that left me feeling deprived and hanging on to 1 and 2lb weight loss by my fingernails. The sad truth is that I never developed a really healthy lifestyle. Yes, I was more active in my youth, but I was never really healthy. Now that I've had a few kids and a few years on me, my metabolism just aint what it used to be.

SO, all that prefacing and now the point. I have joined myfooddiary.com and am trying to learn the healthy living habits that I have neglected for far too long. It is a great program that appeals to my obsessive side and requires that I enter all of my foods and exercise in an on-line system. It's been slow getting started because I am learning which foods are really nutrient-rich and the portions in which to keep my carbos, fats and proteins in balance.

Overall, I am pleased with it and am actually quite surprised at how easy it is to live a normal life and still lose weight in a healthy way. The thing is that I will keep losing weight until I reach my healthy equilibrium and it will be a life-long change... not to rebound in just 2 years.

I've had some great success so far and am ready to admit my past failures in the hopes that it will help someone else with the same battles to fight. I have officially lost 35.5 lbs since Mekayla's arrival, and I'm feeling optimistic that this trend will continue... I'm sure not as quickly due to the extreme water weight that just flushed itself out, but I like this direction and expect it to continue.

As far as the program goes, it is doable. I stayed under calories today BY ONE! How does that happen? What are the chances that I would consume exactly 1799 calories? I'm just glad I'm under, I will take that 1 calorie margin and be proud as hell about it.

I also got some smilies for eating my fiber, vitamins and minerals, but nowhere near the perfect 12 that my obsessive personality wants to see. The sad part is that I don't really care too much right now. In fact, I almost have a feeling of spite about not getting them all. Take that healthy eating plan! I'm going to be imperfect and enjoy it! I don't know what that is going to accomplish. But that is the way that I feel. A far cry from the guilt and self-loathing that came with botching the other diets I've been on.

I don't know if this crazy attitude is anxiety about hubby going back up to work, frustration that I'm restricted by my parental responsibilities, or just plain exhaustion. Maybe a little of each. Either way, it's something that has to be addressed in a different way or things are going to peter out here really quick... or head to utter chaos.

I got 20 minutes of chores in and said "Screw it! Let there be MESS!" I really don't give a crap today. My best mess solution is to just get out of the house. Luckily we blew a transformer in our kitchen light and decided to make a family day of shopping 3 different stores to buy a new fixture. All of this with 2 kids is a workout in and of itself, but not really anything I can count and be proud of. I find myself making the all-too-convenient excuses.

Having a kid stuck to my boobie, shouldn't excuse as much as I let it. I swear that kid is going to suck my will to live right out my left nipple. I seriously don't know how I did this for 7 months with Kaia. But it is still no excuse to let everything go as I have done. It is time to start instituting some structure in our daily existence. It's time I start being more intentional about what happens when, because I am not getting anything done and Ben is going to be gone for the next 2 weeks... this is going to be tough. If I survive, it will be by the skin of my teeth.

As challenging as it is to find the balance in my new parameters of motherhood, there have been some big successes. Mekayla did fall asleep for about 2 hours allowing us to stroll her down to the lake for a bit. She slept while the rest of us played some fetch with the dog... at least HE got a good workout in... and it was nice to do something other than diapers and feeding.

And, if nothing else, the lake trip was good for comic relief. After about 10 minutes of warning Kaia not to go too close to the edge of the dock, Ben miss-stepped and went in the drink. I wasn't quite sure if I should laugh, or offer to help in some way. The look on his face as he realized there was nothing he could do to stop it was classic. Then he disappeared in frantic splashing before popping back up on the dock in total confusion.

After witnessing the whole event, and finding him dripping into a pool of muddy water, Kaia just had to ask the obvious "Daddy go whimming?" I'm sure she was totally confused as to why he would take a swim after warning her relentlessly about how dangerous the water was. I'm still not sure how it happened, but he was a good sport about it, and thank heaven's too because I don't know if I could have held in the laughter that was just screaming to come out.

Overall, it wasn't a bad day, but I think I am due for a little ME time... thus the blogging. Although, had I been more motivated, this time would have been spent on the treadmill. Take that you wretched fitness machine!

Gratitude Sunday: The Little Things

It has been a while since I last posted a Gratitude Sunday. Not that I haven't had much to be grateful for, but because I have been really lazy. I have been thinking a lot this week about the things that I have gone without for so long and had taken for granted. Even when they were gone, I took them for granted until I go them back.

With pregnancy comes many discomforts and inconveniences and I would like to take a moment to list a few of the things that I have enjoyed so much about NOT being pregnant anymore. For a few of my readers, I apologize that for the insensitivity to your pregnancy status. If you are one of the lucky ones who can do pregnancy beautifully and don't have discomforts or inconveniences like these... You can be surrogate for my next kid, 'cause I ain't doin' this again!

1. I can fall asleep and wake up in the same position... EVERY TIME!!! I know this is partly because I only sleep in 2.5-3hr shifts, but it is nice to sleep straight through those hours and not be wakened by the numbness in my arms, legs or fingers or the incessant tossing and turning with a gigantic belly.

2. I can take my scalding-hot-turn-my-skin-pink showers that I love so much and actually stay on my feet without feeling faint or worrying about cooking my baby.

3. I can go up the stairs, do laundry, sweep the floor and put away dishes without getting winded.

4. Though I am still crazy tired, I have more energy and motivation than I have had in MONTHS!!!

5. I can easily put on socks, pants, underwear and even give myself a pedicure!

6. I no longer have the intense cravings for high-sugar / high-fat foods that helped me pack on the unsightly pounds I accrued with pregnancy.

7. I'm still pretty emotional, but not nearly as cranky. I attribute this to the leveling out of the hormones.

8. My boobs once again protrude further out than my bellybutton.

9. I can have a regular bowel movement... on a regular basis.

10. The really big number on the scale is finally decreasing at a steady and acceptable rate.

Unconsious Mutterings

I found this on Smile, Play, Dream and thought it would be kind of fun. To play along click here.

1. State :: Of mind
2. Lively :: Conversation (does 2-year-old jibberish count? It's definitely lively, but is it really conversation?)
3. Valet :: Parking (now where would I go that would even have a valet option?... hummm.)
4. Traction :: Device
5. Official :: Basketball Ref.
6. Red hot :: Chili Peppers (I really like their new cd!)
7. Powder :: Puff Football
8. Replies :: E-mail
9. Flagrant :: Foul (humm, you would think I was a sports fan, but alas, I watch home improvement shows. misleading, I know... maybe I need to jock it up a little and get out of my flower beds.)
10. Tweet :: ..ie bird
    

This has been kind of surprising. I can't just go from one word to the next without trailing off into a tangent of other thoughts. I realize now that I may have been suppressing my inner athlete. Nothing like a big pregnant belly to lose my foothold on staying in shape... oh well, I can't be pregers forever. 11 weeks and counting!

Stuff That Matters, and More That Doesn't

So, I read Tolle's book A New Earth and discovered a few things about myself that I didn't know... well, I guess I DID know, just wasn't quite aware of them. I catch myself now when my temper flares and it is really weird. I know I am feeling angry, I hear the angry tone in my voice, and It's almost like an out of body experience.

Today for example, Kaia pooped on the floor. Once for Ben, which didn't really affect me in anyway. We then changed 3 poopy diapers between us and then she pooped on the floor again for me! All I could do was scream "NOOOOOooooooo!" To which Kaia replied "Oh NOOOOooooo!" as if she hadn't been the culprit of this domestic dissaster. And I repeated "NOOOOoooooo!" To which she repeated "Oh NOOOooooo!" You can see how none of this changed the fact there there was a stinky terd on the floor. Really, I should be grateful she tells me about it. I would hate to find one of those surprises on my own by accident... that would really make me mad.

Anyway, I still fight the angry words and actions I naturally want to spew out into the universe, and I still fail to stop them. The difference is that now I actually hear and see my crazy behavior, and it is really commical. The interesting thing is that with this realization, I don't feel guilty anymore. I have my tantrum, repair any damages and reflect. But really, in the heat of the moment, I'm beginning to find it entertaining, to see the drama and know that I am still passionate about... well, dumb stuff for no good reason.

I really spend a lot of energy on things that don't really matter, and being aware of that is changing the way I respond to almost everything. Even when I don't change habits or behavior immediately, the way I feel about it is already revolutionized. It's a wild transformation, and I am really starting to get a kick out of it.

On another note, I realized in all this self awareness, that I am throwing a pitty party for myself. I am NOT what most would call a happy pregnant woman... actually, I'm pretty far from it. Deep down, I feel hi-jacked. I feel a sacrifice and burden that "entitles" me to all the things I don't need and can't afford. The biggest being junk food. Yes, I know, financially it's not really all that big of a deal, but psychologically and physically, it is taking a HUGE toll on me. I have let my fitness goals slide... well more like hurl down to the depths of hell in a bucket of ice cream and girl scout cookies.

In all logic, I am sabbotaging my real goals and blaming it on the most innocent part of me. I am telling myself a lie in the hopes to justify something ugly... self abuse in the name of instant gratification. Great! Now I have identified the stink, the trick is getting it out. I'm not so sure that Tolle has it all figured out that the more you are aware of yoru true issue, the more it goes away. I guess we shall see if the weight gain has reached it's peak, or if we are just getting started. I think I could use some good tools to help me cope and pamper myself a little better.

My big plan:
Go see mom! She just turned 50 and asked to see her grandbaby as a gift. I'm pretty sure it is going to be a bigger gift for me than for her, but I'll let her believe it is all about grandma. I will get some great time off, get some fun new spring-maternity clothes and take her to the spa for a pedicure. THAT will be nice. Not to mention the fact that there is grass and warmth and beautiful flowers all abloom in my P-town of Oregon. IT WILL BE FABULOUS!!!

The 2 weeks that are normally spent feeling extra sorry for myself and coping as a single parent will be spent shopping and visiting with my best girlfriend, getting to relax while Kaia has endless grandma entertainment and tasty meals that I don't have to plan, shop for, prepare or clean up. I don't think I can think of a better treat than this... and it's all paid for! Gotta love air miles.

Unfortuntately, I've got a laundry list of things to do before we can get outta here. FIRST is getting that damn kitchen done... Yup, you guessed it... still not finished. What I thought would be a 3-day deal has now developed into the 12 days of chaos. The good news is that our plans to be done are realistic now that we are so close. We even picked out floors... to be done in another month, but on the timeline no less.

Now for the big confession. I've got huge plans for the house that I haven't quite squared with Ben yet. The big kahuna of the 500 ft, 2-bedroom addition with covered porch and arctic entry have been hinted, and tossed around as a maybe. But I have plans to get the ball rolling before we leave in 5 days.

Yup, that is going to knock him for a loop. I already got the quotes, figured out the financing and fit it all into a budget and a timeline. It IS doable, I just gotta show him the numbers and submit the application for the building permit. I think I will let Ben choose the contractor and I'm hoping to schedule construction to begin the beginning of May... wish me luck!

A Barrow Date Night

Well, it was almost a date night. It sure would have been nice to have a night for just the two of us, but tonight wasn't our night. We decided to head out on the town for a burger and fries (I know, not fitness program compliant, but at least I really enjoyed an ice cream dessert too.) Anyway, we couldn't find anyone to take Kaia for the evening... so it was a decent plan for a family night.

After chasing Kaia around the restaurant and attempting to keep her off the heating stove in the middle of the dining room, we headed out to the beach where we met up with the North Slope Borough Wildlife guy. He was looking for the walrus that was reported to be in the area. We decided to take a drive down the beach to see what we could find.

And here it is:

A gigantic, tired walrus with a huge crowd of about 60. Yes, that is snow in the picture and that girl is wearing shorts and we are all less than 100 feet away from it. It's like the whole town turned up to check him out. He looked around and watched the four wheelers and kids rolling around in the sand. I wonder if he thought we were as interesting as we thought he was.

People crowded the beach and got right up close to where the walrus had hauled out. I was certain that one guy was going to play "slap the walrus" because he ran up to it so quick and got a picture right next to it! Nothing like a marine mammals protection act to be completely ignored in a village Dependant on them for survival.

I felt really bad for that poor walrus. He looked so exhausted and I'm sure he had been swimming FOREVER! The reports say that the ice pack is more than 200 miles away! and that is where he would have had to come from. I don't know where else he would have been. It's a mystery.

I just hope that the Natives don't get restless and kill him. They have already taken 6 this year and one was just poached for his head / tusks. That makes me SO ANGRY!!! Well, I will save that for another rant.

For now I will leave you with a bit of walrus trivia. Did you know that the walrus penis is proportionally the largest of all mammals and has an ivory bone that helps it erect enough for successful mating? The Natives call this piece of ivory an "Oosik", but I would have thought "Guutfaq" (their word for water arrow) would be more fitting.

Weak Weekend

So the diet failed miserably! But I am back on it today and doin' okay. I think I may have overloaded my weekend and really didn't have a chance at making it through without cheating at least a little.

My first party of the weekend was a hit and successfully landed me $700 in sales and 2 more parties down the line. I would say this Pure Romance things is working out pretty well despite the fact that my second party completely flopped. I picked a really bad date for my "grand opening" and had a pathetic turnout. Even so, I did book 2 more parties from guests that weren't even able to attend. I may get the guts to go for that again in a couple of months, but am hoping beyond all hope that I WON'T BE HERE!

A fancy little opportunity has presented itself and we may just take it. An officer from the village rotation is looking to leave Alaska before the winter and has basically handed us his house and rotational position for a deal we can't afford to pass up. Hmmm, this could get interesting. I will keep you posted on any progress, but I am hoping to move within the next few months.

Anyway the third party was hubby's work party and it was a lot of work and a lot of fun. It was nice to attend a party where once the food was prepared, I was done entertaining. No pressure, no objective, no sales goals, just good company and lots of great food I had deprived myself of for nearly 4 weeks. It was a good weekend.

PMS on a Diet

Um... THIS SUCKS!!! Ya know, if it wasn't for my goals and schedule, I would be found at the bottom of a Dorito's bag with chocolate on my chin and a doughnut in each hand and my hubby and kiddo would be hiding out under the bed! I am so frustrated with this white knuckling it gig that I am just 1 tantrum away from blowing it.

It's like trying to keep a school of pirhanas off a drumstick. Every time I turn around, there's one more reason to bite the head off of something. The problem is that I used to litterally bite into something to tame that urge... and now I have a conflict of interests.

I've actually been doing great at being ISHI from my last post, but I'm missing my PH because of the danged PMS. My schedule is pretty much holding me together, but I actually feel like I am on the first week of Medifast again, but worse! I figure if I can stick it out through the weekend, I will definitely meet my goal weight by Thanksgiving... yup, just in time to splurge and enjoy the holidays :) NO?

Well, I think that I will reward myself with a fantastic winter wardrobe (as if its going to look great under a gigantic down parka and snowpants ) and allow myself to enjoy 1 great meal each holiday WITH dessert and all the carbolicious sides JUST BECAUSE I CAN!

I am so looking forward to the health and strength and confidence that being in shape will afford me. I am craving an athletic body with everything I got working for me... not against me. I am craving a happy fit into a size 8 jeans and a sexy fit into the long abandoned lingere sitting in my bottom drawer. I am craving an acceptable finish to a mountain foot race in Anchorage next summer, and I am so looking forward to the ease and mobility of all the fun backpacking and hiking adventures in training.

I crave the freedom from the guilt of an undisciplined lifestyle. I crave the freedom from the stereotypes of the overweight. I crave the freedom from the addiction that has plagued me since college and am so ready for the freedom of self mastery.

My prime adventure depends on living each day at my prime. My prime adventure requires energy, fitness and endurance for a long-long life. If I am really going to leave a legacy of love, leadership, integrity and many shared adventures, I am going to have to love myself enough to go for what I want, lead a healthy lifestyle to influence and help others, be honest with myself about my food adiction and STOP CHEATING ON MY PROGRAM, and finally, I need to get fit enough to enjoy my edventures to the fullest.

If I can FOCUS ON THE GOAL, FOCUS ON THE REAL CRAVING and FOCUS ON THE PRIME ADVENTURE, I know that I will be living the life I was crated to live. I will have the peace and freedom that I crave and each day I succeed, I can savor the joy that comes from obtaining that.

YAE FOR SUCCESS!

I've Had ENOUGH!

This summer has been completely chaotic at best as far as developing a routine and structure for the development of our little Kaia. I think my neglect is really starting to show, and I have simply had enough of the incessant whining and wrestling and chasing down just to take care of the routine daily duties.

I finally dug up the old family values that my hubby and I agreed on back before Kaia was even in the picture, and we set up some new house rules so that Kaia can expect consistency and fairness from both of us. I figure that writing it down is a form of commitment so sharing it must take things a step further. It is important to me... one of the MOST important things to me to be a good mother, and this is going to help... A LOT!

I know our intentions are really good, but thus far we have done NOTHING to implement them. So here is our "Hail Mary" attempt as we launch into a renewed effort to be an intentional family.

HOUSE RULES
1	Respect each other's bodies, beliefs, feelings, spaces and things
	Things to be respected include:
	Guns
	Harmful Chemicals
	Medicines
	Dad's Uniform and Work Equipment
	Fragiles, Expensives and Irreplaceables
	Table Tops
2	Honor the family values
	Honesty: Always tell the truth and follow through on commitments
	Unity: Support and defend each other
	Neighborly Kindness: Give back to the community and help others
	Spirituality: Seek connection to God and Universe
	Adventure: See opposition as challenge and play hard
	Knowledge: Seek understanding of truth in all things
	Excellence: Give 100% to everything you do
	Respect: Always respect self and others
3	Live by your best understanding of truth and right
	Promote seeking truth and right, even if there may be opposing views.

We haven't quite agreed on a form of punishment and the spanking thing bothers me a great deal... besides, it's not working. There has to be a better way to enforce the positive behavior without threats or anger. When yall find the cure for that, let me know.

Anyway, I figured that it would be good to be more specific in our family goals and objectives and came up with this:

GOAL: Be PHISHI		OBJECTIVES
Progressive		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to personal study and development time
Happy		Maintain a balanced daily schedule by weighing activities and prioritizing weekly
Inspirational		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to achieving personal goals and 1 hour/week helping others do the same
Strong		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day for physical activity, family recreation or team sports
Healthy		Eat natural foods in healthy proportions by taking time each week to plan and shop for meals.
Intentional		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to meditation, mission- oriented development and visualization.

Once establishing this, it was much easier to set up a schedule that meets my needs, Kaia's needs and stays in line with the family rules, values, goals and objectives. So, I came up with a great schedule to intentionally implement traditions and healthy habits into our daily routine.

At first it seemed like a crazy thing to attempt, but if I give a little flexibility to allow a 15-20 minute activity to take place anytime within an hour of it's intended time, things really go a lot smoother for everyone. I actually began implementing the week before we went on vacation and it worked out really well for everyone. Now I must re-dedicate myself to this so that I can keep my sanity and prepare for the long winter ahead.

Now I am looking at how to best fill the toxic hour between 5 and 7 with something that is meaningful to me and gives me a break and transition from my day. That time should be fun bonding time or simply recreational and there are some really good options.

There is a FREE open swim at the high-school during that time that was actually a lot of fun for both me and Kaia. I think with the child-care kids, she feels a little needy for mom at the end of the day and that is a great place and time to play together on Mondays and Tuesdays and Ben will even be able to join us every other Tuesday.

On Wednesdays, I think I will give to Daddy for a Daddy/Daughter date night and hit the open Gym for serious, uninterrupted weight training with a friend. Thursdays are really our best night to do a Date night, so I think I will try to arrange a baby sitter for that night and see if hubby would be interested in hitting up the lap swim, the open gym or see if there is a couples team sport we could do together and maybe even have dinner or a "treat" before or after.

Friday nights work best for our social nights as Hubby will sometimes have poker, and I may have Bunko, a Pure Romance Party or hit up the bingo hall for some wild and crazy girlz night goodness. I haven't quite figured out what to do with Saturdays yet. Maybe they will be floater days for Pure Romance Parties, the rare outdoor adventure (yah, while the temperatures are above 0 degrees anyway), or even my guilty pleasure... scrap booking/ play dates. Sundays are good for church and planning the activities for the following week.

I think that about covers it. Wish me luck on maintaining my determination to stick to this and regain and maintain my sanity as my two favorite addictions (mountain adventure and junk food) are not options with my current location and goals. Hey, If I can stick to it, I figure there won't be time for an addiction anyway and all that will be left is exactly what I want.