I'm So Glad When Hubby Comes Home!

YAY! Today is the big day when the hubs comes home. I am so relieved and excited, I can't even contain myself. It's been 3 weeks since I've had a man around the house, and I could really use a break after the last few weeks of disaster.

I tried to potty train Kaia. This is an ongoing frustration. She has been pooping in the toilet for a good 6-8 months now consistently, but she won't pee in the toilet to save her own life... which there have been a few times where it might have spared her some drama. She effectively saturated my scrapbook bag... yup, climbed right on top to take a leak into my open bag of papers and supplies. I was able to save most of it, but it was touch and go for a lot of it. She tagged my office chair twice the floor 3 times and the couch once. But I think the one that made me the most angry was when she went up on her bed with about 6 loads of clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away and proceeded to do business through the clothes and onto the bedding which had also just been washed and put back in place the day before. I'm thinking she is using this as a tool to get back at me for something. Any advice on how to handle this would be helpful.

My workload has more than doubled this last week and I've been so sick with a sinus infection and lung issue that has effectively robbed me of 65% of my lung capacity. Not fun, but the meds seem to be helping a bit with that, so hopefully, we'll be back to our routine here shortly.

We got about 18 new inches of snow and our 50 meter driveway needed a good shoveling... YAY for snow. It's beautiful, but a LOT of work.

Mekayla started crawling and has learned to pull herself up to her feet. Unfortunately, she has not learned to keep herself on her feet when she tries to move from one side to the other. This has resulted in more bumps and bruises than I care to count. She also managed to get off my bed and fall down out top step last week... that could have been tragic. Our staircase is like a ladder and the only thing that kept her from tumbling all the way down was the traction strip of sandpaper that she got her face caught up on. Yeah... makes me feel like mother of the year. I guess that's one way to leave my mark on the world.

Of course y'all read about the granola bar incident. Poor Kaia has healed nicely. The staples came out last Friday, and it seems to be a distant memory for her. I'm not so sure it bares so traumatic in her mind as it once did because she has had as many granola bars as she has asked for whenever she asked for them and I think she counts that as a win in her book. :)

I think that about covers it for the tough 3 weeks. Oh, let's not forget that the gilrs aren't sleeping through the night anymore. Not sure what that is all about, but Mekayla wakes up at about 3am and 5am every morning. Then rustles around until 6:30 when she is up for the day. EXHAUSTING! Kaia does pretty well once she is down, but we have had 2 projectile vomiting sessions. One with Mekayla this morning and one with Kaia 3 days ago. Not sure what they have been eating to cause that, but it was a one-time deal that made terrible messes and then it was over, with little to no residual whining or fussiness. WEIRD.

So, I'm looking forward to getting a full nights rest and a break from the kids. I look forward to spending time with Ben too. I've missed him lots and could use some snuggle time and adult conversation. :)

So It's Been a While

Heya friendly bloggers,

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted anything. We've had a death in the electronic family and I have been too bumbed to post the happenings without photos. Yeah, I know! The digital camera crapped out on us and right in the middle of our big family vacation down to see EVERYONE in the lower 48. I'm heartbroken to say the least, but Christmas will be long enough to mourn before we get a spankin new one with all the bells and whistles. :)

So the vacation was awesome. We had a great time and send many thanks to all the family and friends that made heroic efforts to accommodate us and our crazy crew. It looks like we may be headed back to Portland just before Christmas, but we gotta make sure Daddy Warbucks has enough airmiles to make it all happen. I'm not looking forward to traveling alone with the girls again, but sacrifices must be made so I can escape some of the hard winter... yeah, I know, Portland isn't quite the escape most people think of, but my mom doesn't live in Puerto Vaillarta. Dangit!

Anyway, the girls traveled really well and grams and gramps were really good to us. Kaia really enjoyed the Portland Zoo, Circus Circus Adventure Dome and playing with all her grandparents and cousins. Mekayla didn't care much and slept through most of it.

One fantastic thing that came from this trip is that we had plenty of hands to help with the transition from breast feeding to bottle feeding. Mekayla's poor little belly was just having a tough time with my milk, I cut everything out of my diet and still no help for the littles. So we are now on a soy-based formula with added rice and a shot of Mylacon and we have a whole new baby. She still spits, but not nearly as much as she used to and she seems a lot less anxious and rarely clenches her fists in pain anymore. It's amazing what diet can do for personality. :)

Halloween was so much fun, but again, no pictures. Which is really tragic because the whole family dressed up. Ben was Shrek, I was Fiona and the girls were little monsters. WAY CUTE. I'll see what I can get from our friends who took pix and post something for the record. That totally bums me out! I'm just glad the "treats" part of Halloween is finally over.

I have been tightening up on the "treats" I used to let slide and have officially signed up for the gym. I figured that when Ben is gone, I was dumping about $10 / visit on Carl's Jr. just so that I could get a break from Kaia and she could play with other kids. The Alaska club has a play center and it only costs $6 for both girls to be there for 2 whole hours to myself. You can't put a price on sanity! Plus, I'm getting my exercise and LOVING IT!!! Every last danged minute of it is FANTASTIC! and you can bet I wait till the very last minute to pick up the kids. Not because I don't love and miss them, but because I wanna make sure every penny counts.

Now, about counting, I've got a bone to pick about electoral votes. I really feel like my vote doesn't count. They called the presidential election hours before the polls even closed here. Heck, they didn't even make it to Colorado before McCain gave hes consession speech. Now I know that Obama won the popular vote too, but I wish they would have waited to declare it at least till I felt like my vote was in the mix. Anyway, congrats to all who are pleased with the outcome, my condolances to the rest of us. Now that it's over, we can unite in praying for our new president elect and that he will make decisions that will be good for our great nation. Here's hopin!

Well, since we've been back, I've started up the Mom's club book group and we had our first get together. It was nice, and I think that since more and more moms know who I am now and have been to my house, I will get more and more participation. That's right... dag-on-it, people like me.

This was especially good for my huge going out of business sale for Pure Romance. Can you believe I had nearly $5000 in bedroom accessories just sitting in my garage. Yeah, it would take a 100 lifetimes to take full advantage of that and we just don't keep that busy at our house. :) So, I had a little bash and unloaded at least 1/2 of it at screamin deals... like my cost or less. If anyone is interested, just shoot me an e-mail for a complete list of what is left and I will get it right to ya.

Well, Ben is headed back up to the slope and that sucks. It's always tough on the kids when he has to go. It's tough on me too, but I just slip into survival mode and keep my head down till he gets back. I'm hoping that between the gym and my mom's club, we will be mostly destracted and get through it without too much anxiety or drama.

Take care all and until next time... Ciao baby!

A Meme of 7's

I got tagged by Kendi so here goes:)

7 things I can do:
1. plan and pack for a 3-day weekend for 4 in less than an hour
2. eat a whole roll of oreos in one sitting
3. make cute babies, and keep em alive
4. manage a crisis
5. clean house all day and still have mess when the day is over
6. a kayak roll
7. eat with chopsticks

7 things I can't do
1. stay at home for more than 1 day at a time
2. eat slimy textures
3. keep my kids clean and dressed
4. manage a schedule
5. grow a successful garden... I planted 72 seeds in the spring and harvested only 1 pea... and the dog ate it. I've got plans for a new garden location and a better methods next year.
6. enjoy getting out of bed in the morning
7. color my own hair

7 things that attracted me to Ben
1. his silly giggle
2. his natural leadership
3. his integrity
4. his kisses
5. his wink and cheesy grin
6. his outdoor savvy
7. his groundedness and manliness

7 things I say most often
1. You're so silly!
2. Kaia, leave your sister ALONE!
3. One, Two...
4. Are you ok?
5. SHHHHH! Use your inside voice!
6. Good job!
7. Watcha doin?

7 Celebrity admirations
1. Oprah-- gives back and inspires others
2. Lance Armstrong-- overcome great odds
3. Susan G. Koman-- dedication for a cause that makes a difference
4. Dr. Oz- knowledge of health and fitness
5. Sponge Bob Square Pants-- sincere love and appreciation for the simple things
6. Alison Vincent-- the biggest loser lost 112 lbs mostly on her own.
7. Ekhart Tolle-- inspirational author with a positive message

7 favorite foods
1. chocolate
2. ice cream
3. grilled salmon
4. cheesecake
5. gourmet pizza
6. Tillamook caramel corn puffs
7. pit fruit (nectarines, plums, peaches, apricots, avocados, olives and all nuts)

7 people I tag
Well, if there are 7 people who read this blog that haven't been tagged... you're it.

Holding Down the Fort

Ok. Since Ben has returned to work, the following has taken place in my home.

Kaia dumped an entire bottle of soap down the toilet, filling it to the rim with bubbles, used an entire bottle of shampoo on the dog and slicked the bathroom floor with about an inch of water, pooped in the toilet once, followed by another equally impressive poop in her pants which was later smeared all over the kitchen counter as she attempted to give herself a bath in the sink.

There was one vomiting episode by Kaia and several from Mekayla... Mekayla's are more spit-up in mass quantity than actual vomit, but Kaia's is a direct result from drinking the bath-water which, no doubt was also used to wash the dog and which she has been counseled NOT to upon threat of immediate end to bath time and the revoking of bath-toy privileges on more than one occasion.

The dog peed a marathon pee on the top stair and carpet... which leaked down every subsequent stair, down the bottom beam and onto the refrigerator, and floor beneath the stairs, tore up the insulation seal around the front door, 2 cardboard boxes left on the front porch and a pair of work gloves all of which I have not had the privilege of telling Ben about yet.

All of this on top of the regular messes and demands of caring for a toddler and newborn on a full-time basis. You would think that I was a negligent mom, but they are both fed, not clothed, but warm and protected from the elements, and they are for the most part very happy. I count this as a HUGE success and the fact that I can take time to write this now only means that I am hanging on to a bit more than a thread of sanity, Mekayla is asleep and Kaia is quietly up to something messy in the kitchen... ut oh, I better go see what she is up to.

My Fitness Adventure: Another Chapter

So, this last pregnancy did not treat me nearly as well as the first and I gained a whopping 76.5 lbs. Yes, it is terribly sad, but terribly true as well. The only reason I admit this embarrassing fact is that I have begun a new chapter in my fitness adventure. After my smashing success of losing the 104 lbs in 2006, I gained all but 3 lbs of it back by mid 2008.

I attribute most of this to the fact that I lost that weight by drastically cutting calories and eating imbalanced meal plans that left me feeling deprived and hanging on to 1 and 2lb weight loss by my fingernails. The sad truth is that I never developed a really healthy lifestyle. Yes, I was more active in my youth, but I was never really healthy. Now that I've had a few kids and a few years on me, my metabolism just aint what it used to be.

SO, all that prefacing and now the point. I have joined myfooddiary.com and am trying to learn the healthy living habits that I have neglected for far too long. It is a great program that appeals to my obsessive side and requires that I enter all of my foods and exercise in an on-line system. It's been slow getting started because I am learning which foods are really nutrient-rich and the portions in which to keep my carbos, fats and proteins in balance.

Overall, I am pleased with it and am actually quite surprised at how easy it is to live a normal life and still lose weight in a healthy way. The thing is that I will keep losing weight until I reach my healthy equilibrium and it will be a life-long change... not to rebound in just 2 years.

I've had some great success so far and am ready to admit my past failures in the hopes that it will help someone else with the same battles to fight. I have officially lost 35.5 lbs since Mekayla's arrival, and I'm feeling optimistic that this trend will continue... I'm sure not as quickly due to the extreme water weight that just flushed itself out, but I like this direction and expect it to continue.

As far as the program goes, it is doable. I stayed under calories today BY ONE! How does that happen? What are the chances that I would consume exactly 1799 calories? I'm just glad I'm under, I will take that 1 calorie margin and be proud as hell about it.

I also got some smilies for eating my fiber, vitamins and minerals, but nowhere near the perfect 12 that my obsessive personality wants to see. The sad part is that I don't really care too much right now. In fact, I almost have a feeling of spite about not getting them all. Take that healthy eating plan! I'm going to be imperfect and enjoy it! I don't know what that is going to accomplish. But that is the way that I feel. A far cry from the guilt and self-loathing that came with botching the other diets I've been on.

I don't know if this crazy attitude is anxiety about hubby going back up to work, frustration that I'm restricted by my parental responsibilities, or just plain exhaustion. Maybe a little of each. Either way, it's something that has to be addressed in a different way or things are going to peter out here really quick... or head to utter chaos.

I got 20 minutes of chores in and said "Screw it! Let there be MESS!" I really don't give a crap today. My best mess solution is to just get out of the house. Luckily we blew a transformer in our kitchen light and decided to make a family day of shopping 3 different stores to buy a new fixture. All of this with 2 kids is a workout in and of itself, but not really anything I can count and be proud of. I find myself making the all-too-convenient excuses.

Having a kid stuck to my boobie, shouldn't excuse as much as I let it. I swear that kid is going to suck my will to live right out my left nipple. I seriously don't know how I did this for 7 months with Kaia. But it is still no excuse to let everything go as I have done. It is time to start instituting some structure in our daily existence. It's time I start being more intentional about what happens when, because I am not getting anything done and Ben is going to be gone for the next 2 weeks... this is going to be tough. If I survive, it will be by the skin of my teeth.

As challenging as it is to find the balance in my new parameters of motherhood, there have been some big successes. Mekayla did fall asleep for about 2 hours allowing us to stroll her down to the lake for a bit. She slept while the rest of us played some fetch with the dog... at least HE got a good workout in... and it was nice to do something other than diapers and feeding.

And, if nothing else, the lake trip was good for comic relief. After about 10 minutes of warning Kaia not to go too close to the edge of the dock, Ben miss-stepped and went in the drink. I wasn't quite sure if I should laugh, or offer to help in some way. The look on his face as he realized there was nothing he could do to stop it was classic. Then he disappeared in frantic splashing before popping back up on the dock in total confusion.

After witnessing the whole event, and finding him dripping into a pool of muddy water, Kaia just had to ask the obvious "Daddy go whimming?" I'm sure she was totally confused as to why he would take a swim after warning her relentlessly about how dangerous the water was. I'm still not sure how it happened, but he was a good sport about it, and thank heaven's too because I don't know if I could have held in the laughter that was just screaming to come out.

Overall, it wasn't a bad day, but I think I am due for a little ME time... thus the blogging. Although, had I been more motivated, this time would have been spent on the treadmill. Take that you wretched fitness machine!

Off-Road Fiasco

So I promised a post about the Off-Road Adventure that took Hubby and Kaia into the wee hours of the morning... 4am to be exact. Here are a few pix to help tell the story.

Wednesday night Ben got a call from his buddy to go help recover a Ranger from out at the glacier (20 mile off-road trip). Apparently, the guy tried crossing the river in a bad place and his rig floated downstream and flipped.
The guy offered $1600 to fetch it, so off they go into the night only to return at 4am with mud-covered rigs and NO Ranger. Not to mention the fact that my kid comes back wearing nothing but a diaper to her knees (clearly not changed all day), a peanut butter/sand concoction all over her face and a crazy hairdo like she's coming off a 2-day crack binge! And sure, that is the perfect example of a snuggle buddy honey, throw her right in between the sheets just like she is!

Well, we recovered from Wednesday and had planned to make a family camping trip out of it this weekend. Unfortunately, the kids got sick... throw-up sick... and I thought it irresponsible to take them out in the rain for hours on end while the boys try again to recover this rig. Though I was really looking for a way to feel okay about being irresponsible, I couldn't do it. So Ben went without us, and had a great time wheelin' around in the mud.
Anyway, long story getting longer, Ben went back out there and swamped our jeep... AGAIN! I have decided that it is a "Family Recreation" activity and I need to be there to keep Hubby from turning wheels-up in the river too. Here's the picture that had me questioning my hubby's judgment. What gets me is the expression on our dog's face with water only inches from the bottom of the window... in a lifted jeep on 35" tires! That water must have been a good 4 feet deep! UGH!
The good news is that they were able to recover the Ranger, the damage is minimal and Ben already has practice pulling out the upholstery in that rig as this is the second time he has swamped it. Even better news is that now we have some extra cash and all the parts to put a snorkel on the jeep so we don't have to run the risk of permanent engine damage. So far, we have been really lucky, but our luck will run out sometime and I just want to be prepared as possible.

All I gotta say is that I would have been furious if Ben had pulled that crap with me and my babies in the rig. I'm still a little ticked that he swamped it the first time with me and Kaia in the rig nearly 2 years ago... and I'm not even a grudge holder. I guess things could have been a lot worse and I should be grateful.

More Pretty Baby Pix

So, I am back to "the world is wonderful" feelings again. No, the family isn't in perfect health yet, but things are looking a lot better. The bilirubin count is way down to the safe range again and the chest colds are dissipating a bit. Here is my favorite pic of the girls so far. I am one lucky mommy. Kaia has adjusted really well to her new role as "BIG SEESER" and she is getting better at pronouncing "Mykaywa" I really think that Kaia has taken ownership and it is really sweet to watch them together.
Here is one of the better pictures from the hospital. I was surprised at how alert and happy Mekayla has been from the start. The jaundice got to her a bit and she slept a lot... one of those disguised blessings I guess, but for the most part, she has been an angel.
Kaia and Mekayla are going to be good buddies. I think that Kaia is happy to have another kid around. Even though Mekayla isn't so big on the interaction just yet, Kaia pretends that she tells funny stories and gets a kick out of when she "toots" the "toots" aren't Mommy and Daddy's favorite thing, usually because it is the 16th or 17th diaper of the day and it gets a little old. But at least we all know that the systems are functioning properly.
Here is Mekayla's first bath. After a day of countless diapers it was Daddy's turn. He isn't quite as efficient with the tiny diapers and I was relieved that he was taking over the poo duties for the moment. Then I hear "ugh oh, where'd THAT come from?" My curiosity got the better of me and I wasn't a bit surprised to find a squirt of poo trailing from the diaper to the bed. "I'll give you 3 guesses Honey." He didn't need all 3, but before he was done, we had gone through 2 bed sheets, 1 outfut, 3 diapers and a towel.

Bless his heart for trying, at this stage, it's projectile poo and poo handeling isn't one of his strong suits. I'm just grateful that he has been going the extra mile to make my life easier and really paying attention to the needs of the family. It is totally awesome to have him home for 6 weeks to help me out... cause I really, really have my hands full.

Oh, the joys of parenthood.

Mekayla Breyane Is Finally Here!!!

We welcomed our Mekayla into the world at 9:49 am on Monday July 14th! She weighed 7 lbs. 12 oz and was 20 inches long. It was a planned c-section birth that went smoothly and without complication and everyone was happy and healthy for at least a day. It was a beautiful day and I can't remember feeling that happy and comfortable in a really long time... I know, I know, part of it had to do with the drugs, but really, it was more than that. A real sense that all was right as it should be and that everything that really mattered in my world was perfect! I LOVE THOSE KIND OF DAYS.

I wish I could report that the days following that one perfect day were just more of the same fantastic perfection, but I'm just grateful that things weren't a lot worse than they got. Things were going so well at first that we decided to head out for home a day early and the docs could see no reason for us not to begin the adjustment and recovery at home. So, off we went, and things just seemed to fall apart.
My recovery was going really well... it still is for the most part and Mekayla is still very strong and beautiful, however, a nasty chest cold has settled right down on our little family and made my body ache like nothing I have ever felt. I thought a few of my violent coughing fits would split me in two, but alas... I am still alive and in tact.

Then we discovered that the bilirubin levels that were "ok" the day before, somehow reached a "high risk" zone and there became a real threat that we might have to return to the hospital for treatment. I believed exactly what the doctors were telling me about jaundice being common and not being too much cause for alarm... then I started asking questions about what it really was and what caused it... what could happen if it goes untreated and what it would take to treat it if the levels were "high risk." That's when things got really scary. At her age, Mekayla's bili reading of 21 was just too high to ignore... not quite the risk of brain damage, but within 4 points of being a real threat.

I hate it when kids get sick and it is even worse when they seem so tiny and helpless. We have Mekayla on phototherapy and it seems to be doing the trick. So far, it is ok and the only side effect is a globug baby at the bedside and she is still crazy cute. I will keep yall posted on any updates, and we should know on Sunday if I really need to be freaking out... of course you know I already am... but I am trying to keep that under wraps for the sake of my poor hubby... I think my emotional roller coaster might just be freaking him out a bit.

Anyway, Kaia has been adjusting well to the new baby situation, but is having a tough time with sharing the attention. I am doing the best I can to give her the attention she is so desperate for and have found ways to overlook her erratic and near psychotic behavior in lieu of the stress it must be for her. For the most part, she has been a doll, but I caught her trying to reason with Mekayla that it was time for her to go home.

Poor Mekayla was just laying there... asleep, not even moving, not making a peep, not demanding any of my attention in any way, and I wasn't giving it to her... but Kaia knew that somehow that little baby was siphoning off some of the loves that used to be all hers and she thought that it was time to send the baby back to the hospital.

I am convinced that she still loves the baby and that she would be so sad if she never came to visit, but it is apparent that she is having a tough time of adjusting. Ben is doing really well. In fact, I am surprised at how well he is taking care of everything. I am sure that it is hard on him to have to share the attention and disperse it appropriately as well. Especially now that my mom is no longer managing the chores and distracting Kaia with oodles of attention and prizes and all the spoiling activities that grandma's like to do.

I must admit, it was really nice to have her around and I am sad to have her go. I just couldn't justify keeping her away from her home for more than a month because I need my mommy... but sometimes, I just do. I am so glad to have family that loves and supports no matter the cost or inconvenience. I am one lucky girl!

Anyway, sorry for the sporadic thought processes and the long delay in posting the news. I gotta get back upstairs and feed my little glowbug.

De-Stressing Meme

Nicci Tagged me at Smile, Play Dream for Five ways you like to de-stress, relax, wind down or kick back." So here goes.

1. When Ben is home, put the kiddo to bed early!
2. Play with dog and kiddo outside. (any temp above 40 is perfect.)
3. Blogging and catching up with fam and friends.
4. Head out on a hiking adventure just about anywhere.
5. Watching Nature out my living room window. (I especially like the birds, squirrels, moose, snow falling, melting or blowing in chunks off the big trees… yes, it's true, we STILL have snow.)

I tag Kimmy P. at Ex Libris Lady, Cousin Kimmy at A Million Moments and Cousin Karin at Short and Sweet.

Big Projects and MORE BOXES!

I am SO EXCITED!!! Our new kitchen cabinets have arrived. With any luck I will be using a dishwasher by Monday. I never realized the beauty of such a simple machine, but I gotta tell ya, a year of washing by hand has given me a great deal of appreciation. It will be fantastic, and I can hardly wait.

The cabinets look awesome and I am thrilled that they will give us the accommodations that we really need in the kitchen. We were working with a 20" stove and limited cupboard space. It is only a 10x10 space, but we can really maximize it with an island stove and help meet code with a really nice custom hood/vent. It is going to look amazing. I pulled out one of the pieces and it matches the other trim and woodwork beams in the rest of the space.

Unfortunately, the beautiful new cabinets are still in their boxes, and the old ones are cluttering up my front porch. I think we will be able to sell them though. I posted em up on craigslist and had 3 people stop by to take a peek. We shall see if they can get them out of here by Monday... THAT would be great!

So here is the picture of the kitchen before the big project. We will be upgrading everything including the kitchen sink... which wasn't bad to begin with, but we wanted the corian built in sink so we don't get gunk in the seams. The whole upgrade will only cost us about $1000 because of the insurance money. We will also be upgrading the floors (was lenoleum before the flood).

I will definitely put up after pictures once we get there. But here is a cute one of part of the process. We are about 1/2 way through the project now and I don't have the heart to tell Ben that we are going to start on the other part of the remodel (adding 2 rooms above the garage) as soon as we're done with the kitchen gear. He is working so hard and I think it is actually good for him to have something to do when he is home. At least something that is going to have a product when complete.Ayway, it was quite the ordeal getting to this phase. First we had to pick out the colors and style and price everything out. Then we waited 6 weeks for them to arrive and barely got the hot tub out of the converted garage before they arrived. That was a project! We ended up using 2 jeeps, a buddies trailer that wasn't quite wide enough to accommodate the hot tub, a couple of wood planks, the winch (a mechanical device used to wind up a rope, not a hooker) a couple of ratcheting tie downs, a tow strap or two, a come-along, a big tree, and some good-old-fashioned muscle to get it from the garage to the deck out front. Here are a few pictures of that fiasco.

Getting the hot tub out of the garage.*****
Getting the hot tub onto the little deck (temporary storage till we get the addition on.)

I gotta say that I am impressed with Ben's ingenuity. I don’t think I would have been able to do that… at least not without calling in the brigade. I did help, but only to the extent that he told me exactly what to do and when to do it.

Ya know, I just realized that I didn’t mind that. I must confess that I was eager to be bossed around, at least it made me feel useful. Surprisingly, we haven’t fought at all during this stressful remodel. We have been able to work together and neither of us have been really frustrated… although, we can see why carpenters drink. It is a little more stressful than we had anticipated.

Anyway, that is the bulk of our projects for the weekend. I will definitely keep yall posted on the progress and new plans for improvements. Fun? Fun. FUN!

More BIG Changes Coming

Finally we are feeling settled in and ready to call it home. All the Christmas decor is up and cheery, and all the necessities are in place to make it reflect our rugged style and spunk. Just as we are getting comfortable, I realize that I missed my monthly visit from aunt flow. So, the day I went into town to pick up hubby from his first stint in the village, I find out that we are expecting kiddo #2!

If our calculations are right, it should be near the end of July when everything will change again. We have been talking about doctors, delivery options and, of course, how we are going to make room in our new place for a newborn. I think it was all a bit overwhelming for poor hubby.
"SURE! I come home from a month in the village and find my house looks totally different and my wife is knocked up!"

I think he is still in disbelief that we have a new place, a new cat and now that we are definitely adding another member to our little family, it may have simply pushed him over the edge. I am excited; I think he is too. It's a happy feeling in our house and I am a bit surprised that the feelings and excitement about baby #2 is just as unnerving and intense as for baby #1.

I'm just a little overwhelmed with the whole prospect of finding a doctor who can honestly talk to me about my options in delivery. I would really like to be there for the birth of my baby. The last time I was exhausted from 24 hours of labor, a super-crazy drug cocktail and the loss of too much blood from my emergency c-section. And to think I went in thinking I was going to do it a' natural! Actually, I think I am going to have a hard time finding someone up here qualified and willing to do a VBAC. BUT if my insurance covers it and I can find one, I think that is option one. Option 2 is just scheduling the c-section. We shall see.

If there is anyone out there who has had a VBAC, let me know if it is worth it. I would really like to know if there is someone here in Wasilla who will do it. If you know, PLEASE pass along a referral. Thanks!

Grateful to be back in the blogworld and more

I have had some crazy computer issues lately. I think that it has something to do with the internet browser, but this is the first time I have been able to sign into my blog in about a month! I was feeling so deprived and almost violated. If I wasn't so bussy with getting settled in our new place, I might have done something about it. I'm just glad to be back!

I finally feel like this is home now. I'm settled enough to sit down and resume life as usual. It's been an expensive endeavor, but I think that things should get back to normal sometime in January. Who knew that actually putting up curtains would be so expensive? I figure that if you buy a house figure 5K in closing costs and 5K in opening costs. Well, not quite 5K. It would be nice if we had that kind of money to decorate with, but there are a few things that we simply could not do without... IE a microwave was a must.

I don't know how people fed themselves without one... let alone kids. Times must have been really rough before the microwave. So again, I am grateful for the fact that we now posess the miracle machine of luch cookers and dinner thawer outers. YAE FOR MICROWAVES!!!

Things are comming together really well, and I am excited to show Hubby the improvements when he comes home on Thursday! I can't wait to see him. I gotta tell ya, being the woman AND the man of the house is really tough business. Kudos goes out to all the women who have to do both full-time. I, for one, do not care if I NEVER have to hook-up, back-up or load-up a trailer by myself again. It really sucks... that, and I really suck at it. This particular duty has been and always will be reserved for the man of this household.

I had a fight with the garbage this week and appearantly lost. I think there was a mix up with getting our trash pick-up ordered and so I had 2 weeks of garbage, and packing materials and such piled up at the end of my driveway. Dogs were getting into it, so I took the initiative, backed up to the trailer, loaded everything up and headed for the dump. It took a good 3 hours from start to finish on this "take out the trash" job, and I only lost the garbage cans on the highway once. Thankfully they were empty when that happened. I'm an advocate of "leave no trace" but I actually thought about leaving them there vs. backing up the trailer and reloading/strapping and hauling them home. But I didn't and we all made it home without further insodent.

Well, that';s not entirely true, I did almost hit a tree and a parked truck while backing up before we actually completed the entire adventure. The good news is that everyone was ok. I was just a little dirty, frustrated and cold when all was done and over with.

The problem is: NOW hubby wants me to hook up the trailer AGAIN and go get his tires from Anchorage... Um, I am really not at all excited about that one. The thing that sucks is that he would be all jittery like a puppy ready to go play catch if it were his job. HE LOVES hooking up his trailer and driving around picking up his toys. I just don't get how spending 3 hours on transporting heavy, dirty things that need to be strapped down and run the risk of flying off the trailer into oncomming traffic can be a good way to spend my time.

Anyway, that is why our marriage works so well. I am just hopping that the need to do that kind of thing is really minimized... or at least condenced into the 2-weeks that he is home. So, today I am gratful for surviving the ordeal, for a hubby who likes that kind of ordeal and all the fantastic things that make my house a home. The only thing I am missing is Hubby and he will be her soon. Life is good!

I've Had ENOUGH!

This summer has been completely chaotic at best as far as developing a routine and structure for the development of our little Kaia. I think my neglect is really starting to show, and I have simply had enough of the incessant whining and wrestling and chasing down just to take care of the routine daily duties.

I finally dug up the old family values that my hubby and I agreed on back before Kaia was even in the picture, and we set up some new house rules so that Kaia can expect consistency and fairness from both of us. I figure that writing it down is a form of commitment so sharing it must take things a step further. It is important to me... one of the MOST important things to me to be a good mother, and this is going to help... A LOT!

I know our intentions are really good, but thus far we have done NOTHING to implement them. So here is our "Hail Mary" attempt as we launch into a renewed effort to be an intentional family.

HOUSE RULES
1	Respect each other's bodies, beliefs, feelings, spaces and things
	Things to be respected include:
	Guns
	Harmful Chemicals
	Medicines
	Dad's Uniform and Work Equipment
	Fragiles, Expensives and Irreplaceables
	Table Tops
2	Honor the family values
	Honesty: Always tell the truth and follow through on commitments
	Unity: Support and defend each other
	Neighborly Kindness: Give back to the community and help others
	Spirituality: Seek connection to God and Universe
	Adventure: See opposition as challenge and play hard
	Knowledge: Seek understanding of truth in all things
	Excellence: Give 100% to everything you do
	Respect: Always respect self and others
3	Live by your best understanding of truth and right
	Promote seeking truth and right, even if there may be opposing views.

We haven't quite agreed on a form of punishment and the spanking thing bothers me a great deal... besides, it's not working. There has to be a better way to enforce the positive behavior without threats or anger. When yall find the cure for that, let me know.

Anyway, I figured that it would be good to be more specific in our family goals and objectives and came up with this:

GOAL: Be PHISHI		OBJECTIVES
Progressive		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to personal study and development time
Happy		Maintain a balanced daily schedule by weighing activities and prioritizing weekly
Inspirational		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to achieving personal goals and 1 hour/week helping others do the same
Strong		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day for physical activity, family recreation or team sports
Healthy		Eat natural foods in healthy proportions by taking time each week to plan and shop for meals.
Intentional		Dedicate at least 1 hour/day to meditation, mission- oriented development and visualization.

Once establishing this, it was much easier to set up a schedule that meets my needs, Kaia's needs and stays in line with the family rules, values, goals and objectives. So, I came up with a great schedule to intentionally implement traditions and healthy habits into our daily routine.

At first it seemed like a crazy thing to attempt, but if I give a little flexibility to allow a 15-20 minute activity to take place anytime within an hour of it's intended time, things really go a lot smoother for everyone. I actually began implementing the week before we went on vacation and it worked out really well for everyone. Now I must re-dedicate myself to this so that I can keep my sanity and prepare for the long winter ahead.

Now I am looking at how to best fill the toxic hour between 5 and 7 with something that is meaningful to me and gives me a break and transition from my day. That time should be fun bonding time or simply recreational and there are some really good options.

There is a FREE open swim at the high-school during that time that was actually a lot of fun for both me and Kaia. I think with the child-care kids, she feels a little needy for mom at the end of the day and that is a great place and time to play together on Mondays and Tuesdays and Ben will even be able to join us every other Tuesday.

On Wednesdays, I think I will give to Daddy for a Daddy/Daughter date night and hit the open Gym for serious, uninterrupted weight training with a friend. Thursdays are really our best night to do a Date night, so I think I will try to arrange a baby sitter for that night and see if hubby would be interested in hitting up the lap swim, the open gym or see if there is a couples team sport we could do together and maybe even have dinner or a "treat" before or after.

Friday nights work best for our social nights as Hubby will sometimes have poker, and I may have Bunko, a Pure Romance Party or hit up the bingo hall for some wild and crazy girlz night goodness. I haven't quite figured out what to do with Saturdays yet. Maybe they will be floater days for Pure Romance Parties, the rare outdoor adventure (yah, while the temperatures are above 0 degrees anyway), or even my guilty pleasure... scrap booking/ play dates. Sundays are good for church and planning the activities for the following week.

I think that about covers it. Wish me luck on maintaining my determination to stick to this and regain and maintain my sanity as my two favorite addictions (mountain adventure and junk food) are not options with my current location and goals. Hey, If I can stick to it, I figure there won't be time for an addiction anyway and all that will be left is exactly what I want.

Gratitude Sunday: A Ticket Outa Here

I am so excited about our big trip to Anchorage. It is partly our anniversary celebration, but mostly a recon mission to find a home and PLAY. I have learned to appreciate things about Barrow, and I will probably miss parts of it when we move, but right now, I'm just grateful to have a ticket outa here.

Tuesday Night is our anniversary dinner. On Wed., We are doing the shopping thing then going out with friends. On Thurs, we are house hunting and probably getting stuff ready for the weekend which will be spent trecking and wheeling through the mountains. YAE!!!

I've got big plans to stay on my program, and it might just happen. I will give myself one night to indulge in the buffalo chicken salad I have been craving, but I am really going to try to avoid the carbs so that I don't undo the 12 lbs I have worked so hard to lose... again. Hopefully, I will still lose a pound or two next week, but we shall see.

Yae For Hubby Time!

It has been a really long time since Hubby and I were able to spend some quality, uninterrupted time together. Most of the time we just replace each other in the bed and kiss each other a quick 'love ya' before one of us heads out the door or off to sleep. But last night was a much needed chance to just snuggle and laugh and wrastle like we used to.
It was the first night in what seemed like months that he didn't have to work and once we put Kaia down for the night, we were surprised to be alone together. Despite my new side job, it wasn't as much ‘sexy’ as it was fun and bonding (although there was definitely a sexy chapter of our evening). We were able to talk about how things are going, how we are feeling psychologically and what our big hopes and dreams are for the next step of our amazing adventure together. I had forgotten what that was like; we hadn't done it in so long.
We used to take a bath together almost every day. We would sit in there for about an hour and just talk. This continued right up until we had Kaia. Now it is just really hard to find a way to do that with out our little blonde-haired cutie poppin' in to see what we are up to. It's funny that I had forgotten how good it felt to bond like that. We stayed up till 2 a.m. just being together and I had forgotten how much I needed that.
You would think I would resent Kaia for robbing us of that, but the truth is that I forgot I even had it. Now that I found it again, I can put it out of her reach. There IS time in our lives for just being us and spending time together, we just have to make sure it is a priority and build it into our daily, or at least weekly traditions. There IS alone time for each other, we just have to keep from getting distracted.
I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such an amazing guy love me like he does. It was so great to be reminded of that and enjoy that time together without the T.V., internet, phone or kids distracting us from what we really want... each other. Yae for Hubby Time!

PMS BS and TMI

So, I'm not pregnant and I'm starting to wonder why the hell not. Just before the start of each cycle I start thinking I have all the pregnancy symptoms, then like clockwork they all roll over into the crabby, crampy PMS symptoms. I would much rather have the pregnancy symptoms because at least they yield good product. Besides, we would really like to have another baby-- soon.

What does it take to make a baby? I haven't been on birth control since Kaia was born, and I think we are having enough sex but not too much at the right times of the cycle and then some. I was thinking that it had something to do with my health, but Kaia was conceived when I was a good 40lbs heavier than I am now and a LOT more stressed out.

Unless, by some strange irony, boredom causes infertility, I can't figure out why we aren't expecting. Maybe it's just the workings of a merciful God... mercy for whom I'm not sure, but I can't help but feel that we are in the quiet before the storm. Whatever the case, I'm at peace with it. Even though big changes are coming, I am excited about the adventure they will bring.

The problem is that I'm not sure what I am supposed to do to prepare. It's almost like every effort is just spinning my wheels and getting me nowhere. I want action! Less planning, less thinking, more doing... much more doing. I have been ancy to DO and sure enough, the opportunities just came out of the woodwork.

So, in the spirit of doing, I have signed up for a weight loss program to get rid of those last stubborn pounds and finally get control of my fitness. Committed to a workout program with a friend, and even got Hubby on board to get in shape.

I am also doing childcare to supplement our savings for a home. I have 2 great kids lined up and think it will work out beautifully. It will bring in $1200 extra each month and really has potential to do much more. I have already been approached by 2 other moms wanting me to take their kids, but I don't like kids all that much. Yah, I know. Childcare is probably not the best profession for me, but I think I am a pretty good mom and can share that for a few hours a day with 2 more kids for a few months. I do think that more than 2 might push me over the edge though, and you just can't put a price on sanity. Kudos to all you moms out there with more than 2!

I am also considering becoming a health advisor and/or pure romance consultant. These are just a few of the many ideas and opportunities that have presented themselves in the past 2 weeks and all but paralyzed me with indecision. At least with these last 2 options, I get adult interaction and can participate in activities I really like. Who knows, maybe the fitness improvements and pure romance products will inspire some baby making ideas. It will be interesting to see how things all work out.

Fear and the PRIME Adventure

It occurred to me that there is something keeping me from reaching my big dreams and it’s ME! It is both good news and bad in that this obstacle lies within my locus of control. But at least now I can work on getting over it.

I think what has been crippling me is that I am afraid that my definition of success isn't in line with my true self, and that I will some day regret missing the boat. I don't know why that scares me so much. I have no regrets to this point in my life and actually cherish my mistakes as stepping stones to character building. I guess now the consequences seem somehow heavier, and life, a lot more fleeting.

The problem is that I spend too much time dreaming and not enough time realizing. I’m having a hell of a time choosing exactly which step will make me the happiest and be the best for my little universe in the long run. What it comes down to is that I can do any one of several different things and be successful; the trick is finding which thing is in line with my PRIME thing. Which thing is going to make my efforts Personal, Rational, Intentional, Meaningful and Eternal?

I need an adventure that is personally mine and mine alone, an adventure that rationally balances my mission and responsibilities, an adventure that I intentionally design and live because it is entirely within my locus of control. I need an adventure that meaningfully empowers and fulfills my life mission and eternally inspires others because it is bigger than me and reaches beyond the grips of death.

My PRIME Adventure is to share my passion and legacy through nature and outdoor recreation. It is in my heart to own and operate an adventure lodge and inspire others live their own PRIME Adventure. I haven’t quite worked out the details yet, but I know it takes place somewhere in the Northwestern United States. I know that the programs and activities will be high adventure and my circle of influence will go beyond my little community of family and friends. I know it will require me to stretch myself to relative perfection and hold me accountable to my values and principles.

As with every adventure, my PRIME Adventure comes with its own collection of doubts and fears. Some fear is good fear. John Long, a famous climber once said “The caliber of the adventure is proportional to the level of doubt maintained.” Real adventure requires some fear of the unknown and the possibility of failure. Nobody wants to fail, but in the scheme of a PRIME Adventure, it is really more of a progressive journey anyway. A PRIME Adventure is eternal, failure is only temporary.

So what am I afraid of? Why am I holding back from living my PRIME Adventure? Why am I letting myself get distracted on detours and getting tangled in everybody else’s adventures?

The truth is that I am terrified of being bored with a tiny life. I am afraid that I will not be able to realize my PRIME Adventure or worse, I will and then regret it. I am afraid that in living my PRIME Adventure, I will neglect my responsibilities as a wife and mother, which brings me to the humbling realization: Though my hubby is my hero and my daughter is my pride and joy, they are NOT my PRIME Adventure. They have their own adventures to live and their actions are beyond my locus of control. Investing all my energy into serving them is not MY adventure, but my contribution to their perspective adventures, and that is not the most effective way to live a PRIME adventure.

WOW! By continuing to do what I am doing, I am bored and living a tiny life! I'm not living my PRIME Adventure by waiting! Waiting for what? The stars to align? The Law of Attraction to dump a lodge in my lap? For someone to pat me on the back and reassure me? Am I really that naive and needy?

I think I am waiting for the peace in knowing that my family has a place in my PRIME Adventure. Without them, my life would be tiny. Without them, the meaning and eternal reach of my legacy would be lost leaving me only with PRI, and that doesn’t make any sense. Where do I find that peace? I think it is somewhere locked inside me but I am pretty sure my hubby has the key. I just need to ask him for it.

I guess I am pretty needy. I need to know that he supports me in living my PRIME Adventure. I need him to know what I need from him in terms of support and encouragement. I need his reassurance that he values what I bring to the table.

WOW AGAIN! I don’t think I was entirely prepared for these deep realizations this morning. I think it is time for a serious chat, one that I’m not quite sure how to initiate. Wish me luck!

The Big 5

A while back I requested some fun and sexy ideas for a 5-year anniversary surprise. Well, yesterday was the big day and we "surprised" each other with a trip to Anchorage. Ben arranged the flight to a place with trees (which is more beautiful to me than if he had bought me flowers) and I arranged the cozy log cabin (which still honors the tradition of wood). We are going to postpone the celebration till the 15th of Sept (Ben's next weekend which actually coincides with cheaper airfare) when we can look at property and get the loan stuff all settled out (Hubby's gift to me). Then we are going to go off roading and camping with some frineds (my gift to Hubby).
Just so we didn't sit around bored on the actual day, we did go to a friend's barbeque and had a great time. They even called into the local radio station to wish us happy anniversary over the air and everyone cheered. Gotta love small towns! I will miss the people up here, but ya know, there just aren't enough good days like that to justify the really hard ones.
The truth is I will miss some things, but I am really looking forward to having a clean and nice place that reflects my taste and has conveniences like a garbage disposal and dish washer. Not to mention that many friends come through Anchorage at least once a year and will now have a place to stay when they do.

The Next Doritos Mascot

This is what happens when I put Daddy on bedtime duty. Nice work Honey! All she needs now is the remote control and a beer bottle. If my baby is the next Dorito's mascot, he is going to have some serious explaining to do.

The best part is that he is sleeping so soundly with his legs hanging ½ off the bed in the position he happened to plop down in. On the bright side, he did get her changed into her pj’s and into bed before passing out. It cracks me up that he picked the pj's with the little pink pig on the front and there she was pigging out in them.

I'm just glad that everyone played hard today and should sleep really well tonight!

Gratitude Sunday: Loyalty

Today I am grateful for loyalty, my loyalty to myself and my mission, my husband’s loyalty to me and the loyalty of friendship. I find so much peace in taking care of my needs, and I am grateful for the conviction I have to stay loyal to that. That simple act allows me to love with more energy, lead with more passion, fight with more integrity and enjoy many amazing adventures along the way.

Today, I was informed that one of my good friend’s husband cheated on her. I normally wouldn’t give much credibility to such news, but given the information source and the instinct I had about this guy from the beginning, I can’t doubt it. Now my dilemma lies with my loyalty to my friend. Do I tell her? I can’t just wait for someone else to tell her, or pretend that I didn’t believe it or even hear about it. That would go against my loyalty to my instincts and my mission.

The problem is that I have never had to break this kind of news to anyone before… I have actually made it a point NOT to get involved with drama and the rumor mill, hence the ambiguity as to who’s involved. But this isn’t just rumor. To complicate things more, she has a very close relationship with the gal he cheated with. I need your help with a good way to break this kind of news. I know I want to have this conversation alone with her in person, but I have NO IDEA what to say. I know that she is the kind of friend that would tell me if it happened to me, and I owe her that as a friend. Any advice or suggestions on what to say would be appreciated.

All of this just makes me more and more grateful for my hubby and his loyalty. That was one of the things that attracted me most to him. I knew that his character would stand temptation and he has certainly proven that over the past few years of difficulty and separation. Even when times are tough and all seems lost, he stands by my side and supports me in what I feel is right. My heart aches for those who do not have the same kind of loyalty in their lives.