I'm not sure if it is the pregnancy hormones workin' here or if there is really something here to consider... I guess I will know better when the new kiddo is about 2 or 3. But for now, I am thinking this stay-at-home mommy thing is NOT for me. Really, it's more of an issue with the poo! I feel like all I do is clean up poo! It comes in many shapes and sizes, different textures and quantities, some are actual biproducts of living things, but most are biproducts of just living and creating messess over and over and over and over.
I LOVE spending quality time with my little Kaia. She lights up my world in so many amazing ways. The problem is that I spend more time being irritated than I do actually enjoying her company. THAT IS NOT FUN FOR ANYONE!!! I began to think that I relapsed into the winter funk, but I think it might be deeper than that. I'm thinking that I can do a better job at being mommy if I DON'T give up or "postpone" my mission. I know that raising a family is a huge part of the mission... but it is not the whole mission. I know the scope of my mission extends beyond my front door.
Unfortunately, right now I am not doing anything but dealing with poo! Even now as I write this, I am interrupted by my daughter with poopy diaper in hand explaining that it is "gwose." NO KIDDING! This is NOT personal development! I'm not doing much to contribute to the development of others and I am not even doing much to aid in the development of my own kid... the one person I am responsible to help develop!
I think a lot of this may stem from the birthday blues. I get them every year when I go to set my new year's resolutions... I set them at my birthday (the end of January) partly because it is the start to MY new year and because it feels really good to go into Feb. still on track with the resolutions. Did you know that most resolutions don't make it past the second week of January? Anyway, I find that it gives me a boost to span a 2 month period, even if I start to slack off a little the first week of Feb. :) It's like making a list of all the things you have to do in the day and adding a few things you already did just to cross them off... I do that too. :)
The truth is that putting my dreams on hold has NEVER ended well for anyone... especially me. And if I continue to put these things on hold, I may NEVER realize my full potential... I may never be the inspiration I want to be for my children, friends and neighbors. The longer I wait, the further away my dream of running an adventure lodge seems to get. I'm sure I could be happy without realizing that dream... but the path to that dream IS the adventure and if I wait to start it... I miss out on all the fun. I REALLY hate missing out.
I don't quite have the solution to the dilema... right now I am waiting for some inspiration myself. When it comes right down to it though, it feels really good to just think about something other than poo for just a few minutes and yet, at the very same time... kind of depressing that this is my plot. HOW DID IT EVER COME TO THIS?!?!
I don't know how I got here, but I am definitely motivated to get out. My new ONE WORD for the year is INSPIRE, I want to BE inspired, I want to inspire others, I want to change the things that aren't fullfilling, or at least delegate or minimize the time I spend on them. I want to see things clearly and have the strength to go for what is right for me and all that is important to me.
So far, I'm just knee deep in poo!
5 comments:
first...Happy Birthday. I think it hasn't come yet? as for the poo! at times it does seem overwhelming, put I assure you potting training is in your future:) About your goals, i think you can be a stay at home mom and still work on things that are fulfilling to you. Life is about balance...you just need to figure out how to accomplish both..good luck!
First try duct tape! This would be around Kaia's diaper to prevent her from pulling it off. I don't know what else to tell you... potty training is horrible or at least it was for me. Looking back I would have never pushed it because when he was ready it came fairly easy. Try not to focus on the poop, it only makes things worse! Trust me! ;)
Hmm. Maybe I won't preach the greatness of cloth diapering, seeing as I physcally handle poo in the process!
Happy birthday! I feel your pain. I am afraid I will never be done with poo. At least I got the oldest one reading a potty training book and watching a DVD, although it hasn't really advanced the cause yet. :(
Through my life coaching journey, I have found that it is really about wholeness. It seems like there is a part of you not fulfilled right now. It is trying to get your attention and doesn't want to be in the "when _________ happens, I will get to do _________." What I have found is that if you can't go do all of what you want completely right now, it feels really good to take baby steps towards it.
What has sunk in for me in the last couple of months is that the best way to be a good mother is to live the rich full life that I want my children to live, that is the kind of role model I want them to have.
Happy Birthday!
Every time I find myself not enjoying my work or my family, it's because I want to be doing something else or feel I should be doing something else.
Potty training is the pits, but it is also a very critical moment when you child begins to develop more self control and independence. In hindsight, it was an amazing transformation in character.
Try to enjoy, if you can, depsite the poop!
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