Gratitude Sunday: The Wilderness

I have had some unique experiences in the wilderness throughout my life. Some wildernesses are beautiful and full of contrast and color, while others are completely void of any form of eye candy. One thing is certain in all of my wilderness experiences; the wild is wildly powerful. I have had more insight, direction and inspiration in the most wild places I have ever been.

My trip back to Colorado has been one of the more powerful relationship building excursions with my dad and I have been physically challenged, emotionally charged and spiritually edified. I don't know any better environment than the mountains to do all of that, and I am truly grateful that I had the opportunity to venture down south and be changed forever. This country is definitely on my list of top ten places to be and I think I may have to put this excursion on a list of top adventures too.

I will include some excerpts from my pack journal, but I gotta let yall know that I kicked ass on the Hard Rock. It was awesome to get up there and feel so strong and healthy. The training was hard, the acclimatizing was fun and the race itself was empowering and motivational. I realize now that it was a once in a life time experience and I will probably never get the chance to do it again.

I met up with my dad at 4:45 am in Ouray and headed into the hills after only 2.5 hours of sleep. I was heartbroken to find that Dad was so sick. The demands of such a race are unreal and he had been physically pushing himself for about 23 hours straight. After reloading his supplies at the aid station, he violently threw up and away we went. It surprised me that he was still determined to finish, but his doubt was almost palatable. I guess that is what makes it an adventure.

We maintained our "finish pace" for about 4 miles and then things got bad. I cold feel myself pulling further and further ahead. I would slow down to a crawl as the terrain became steeper and knew that Dad was in trouble when he literally sat down on the side of the road and said "I CAN'T do this thing on e-caps and coke." It was one of the hardest things for me to see him so weak. He is super man! He isn't supposed to get tired or sick or hurt. To see him heaped up in a pile on the trail was tough and I didn't know how to encourage him. I knew that we had to make up time if we were going to make it and I knew I had the strength and determination to do it. I also knew that my dad’s determination could only go so far and then real energy was going to have to come from somewhere if he was going to make it.

He was finally able to keep a bit of food down, and he gutted though the next 5 miles with difficulty. At the top of the mountain pass, we were standing on a ledge little more than 5’x5’ with a steep drop off both sides. The view was incredible and I was more than elated to be at the top, but I knew that Dad wasn’t in any condition to stay there long. He was teetering on the hairy edge and wasn’t quite keeping his balance. We restocked our canteens and made a run for it into Silverton. That was the longest 5 miles of my life. After 11 miles of UP we were on a 5 mile stretch of down that covered approximately the same elevation drop as the 11 miles gained. It was very hard on the knees, hips and ankles to say the least.

The good news is that we made it and I was strong enough to average the finish pace. I can’t help but think that had Dad kept his cookies, we could have far exceeded it. I also can’t help but think that had Dad been at his best, he would have left me for the dogs. Long story made short: I met my goal, but learned that ultra marathons are NOT for me. After just 16.1 miles, I had had my share of abuse. The mountain hurt both of us. Unfortunately, I was not nearly as ambitious as dad and was happy to stop in Silverton. He went on for another 4 hours but was unable to keep the finish pace and returned to Silverton disqualifying himself from the race.

Later he confessed that this was his last ultra and that it was vanity that made him come back every year to abuse himself like that. He committed to taking better care of himself and choosing sports that were more positive and strengthening in his life. He has 3 finishes under his belt and still reserves bragging rights, but he is on to bigger and better things that are more fun. I only hope that he will invite me on some of these wild adventures too.

This wilderness adventure has taught me that my dad is still superman, but he is a smarter and more humble superman than I have ever known. The mountain beat him, but he was a composed and reasonable, traits that had eluded him when I was under his roof. I have seen a side of him that was real and new and confirmed my respect for him in a big way. But there is so much more to this wilderness trek that changed me forever.

Here are some journal excerpts and pix from the journey:

Day 1: High in the Sky and No Worries

This is our first camp site at Columbine Lake, elevation 12,400 feet and on the way here I realized that it has been 7 years since I last ventured into the San Juans. I feel like I'm visiting an old friend. Does she remember me? Will I be able to enjoy her company or will she push me harder than ever before? I'm as ready as I have ever been. I've charted my course, defineed my goals and trained and invested in the gear. I've done all that I can to make sure I am prepared for this reunion. The good news is that my physical prep is paying off and I don't even have the high altitude head ache that is so common in this territory. But there is still a part of me that wonders if I have prepared enough.

The focus of all my perparation has been physical and I totally neglected the spiritual and emotional preparation of such an experience. I have been spiritually blown away with the scope and vision of the universe and am even overwhelmed by the beauty and power of simple flowers doing their thing on the side of the trail. I have really been starving for this kind of experience and feel connected again. My relationship with deity definitely comes to life in the wild and I feel closest to perfection when I am only constrained by the most raw and simple laws of the universe. Here, I feel a sense of love and belonging, even when I am all alone.
I know there is magic in my outdoor adventures. I gain new perspective on challenges, open doors to new opportunities and refocus my energy on what matters most to me. My journey into the wild brings me deeper inside myself than I could ever go in the comfort of my man-made world.

Day 2: The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Music

Somewhere above Columbine Lake we found this amazing ridge of wildflowers and spectacular scenery. I found myself spontaneousely smiling. What a funny thing to notice! It was something I was deprived of for some time now, and didn't entirely know when I lost it or even that I did until it came back. I remeber I used to smile all the time. I didn't have to look for things that were smile worthy. I used to get a kick out of just about everything and I know I was a LOT more positive, fun and charismatic.
Today, I am taking a stand against the bumbed out me, and I am going to get those personality traits back. I't going to take some effort and planning, but what a fun project! I'm fighting for my true self once and for all!
Some ideas about how to do this:
1. Take adventrues... lots and lots of em
2. Seek out and surround myself with others that have those same traits
3. Be consious of the little things
4. Appreciate everything

I think this has a lot to do with why I love the mountains. Every living thing is so strong and resiliant to the harsh enviornment, yet fulfills it's life purpose so beautifully and effortlessly. The amazing thing is that even if I weren't here to enjoy it, it would still be doing it's thing. Life out here isn't preoccupied with what comes next or whether or not it is making a big enough difference in the world. It is just being true to itself.

Day 3: Lost in the Mounains and Finding Treasures

We hiked into the mountains headed due north to a lake we've never seen. The route looked promising, but things always look better on paper. The trail was little more than a game trail that appeared and dissappeared as mysteriousely as the game itself. We finally stumbeled onto an old prospector path to nowhere and that is exactly where we ended up. After a few hours and hiking up to about 12,600 feet elevation, we finally looked aroudn and asked "Where the hell are we?"

We dragged out the map and decided we were in the wrong gulch, but were satisfied with our view and the soft patches of moss and high-mountain grasses. As we pitched our tent, a cyote passed by and a whistle pig started up conversation. Later we watched a family of deer traverse a mountain side I wouldn't venture to cross and we were serenaded by the sounds of the trilling rock birds.

It's funny how food always workd it's way into conversations when your selection is limited to what you carry in you pack, but I really liked the analogy that Dad brought up. He says that each of us have a set of passions that add kick ot our livess and the lives of others. At this point, I know lots of the ingredients in my sauce and am just tinkering with the measurements and instructions to perfect the recipe.

My Special Sauce:
Wilderness brand Adventure for a sweet and tangy base
Positive and Passionate brand energy for just a spicy kick
Loving brand Service to satisfy the soul
Relevant and Significant brand Knowledge for nutritional value

Looking over those ingredients now, I think I might be buffalo sauce!

Anyway, that buffalo wings sounded pretty good, and this was the closest we could get to chickens. Check out these little birds I found hanging out at about 13,000 feet in a tiny nest in the rocks. We were wandering around trying to find a different way back to the trailhead… that wasn’t really a trail head… and there it was, a tiny little nest with 2 baby birds and an egg. They were no bigger than the tip of my thumb and the nest itself was no bigger than a softball. Amazing little creatures in such a harsh environment. It would have been a tragedy to have not seen them and “CRUNCH!” after all their effort to simply survive. So many treasures in such surprising places!

Day6: Race Day Jitters

I was surprised at the energy in the room at the start of the race. There were so many people who have trained the whole year and were about to embark on an incredible feat of endurance and determination. What a neat group of people. So strange though. They all looked healthy, with a bit of wildness in their eyes. I don’t know if it was fear or crazy I saw, but lots of runners had it. The trouble is that I knew quite immediately that I was out of my league. I am healthy and strong… just with no desire to prove it like that. Good luck runners! Git r’ dun!

Day 7: The Big Climb

I couldn’t believe how steep it was and was sure glad that so many other runners had been through there kicking a staircase into the snow so that I could climb. I've decided that pictures can't ever do this justice.

Day 7: The Top of the World

So here we are on the top of the world. I think the elevation here is only 13, 100 or so, but the climb was incredible! The view was spectacular and it felt great to know that there was no more UP. Unfortunately, the down hurt me LOTS worse than the up. So much pounding, so much throbbing and baking in the sun took it’s toll on me and I was definitely done when we reached the Telluride aid station. Yae for us!!!