I don't know what it is, but this town feels extra dead since I got back. Maybe it is because I was so overstimulated with family and adventure and a billion people I didn't know in airports, highways and shopping malls that are non-existent up here. Maybe it is because Barrow is just too small for me. Maybe it is because everyone is out of town on vacation.
Whatever it is, it's not working out well for me. The playground, the beach and even the family playtime at the community center were all void of any life forms. It's like a ghost town. There are very few cars on the streets and nobody hanging around doing anything. I went to the grocery store and only found 5 shoppers browsing the shelves almost intentionally avoiding eye contact and 3 cashiers who wouldn't even attempt to engage in the meaningless courtesies of the check-out process.
I am really starting to get creeped out! I have been anxious to get Kaia some play time with kids her age or even older. I don't care who (under the age of 10) pays attention to her; I just want her to have some social stimulation. The problem is that I have been looking for a week solid and have seen NO opportunities. It is time I start creating them. The unfortunate thing is that I don't know anyone with kids Kaia's age. Humm, are there people here with kids her age?
I did invite one of my friends over for a few hours of scrapbooking, but when I get in the craft mode, I tend to limit my conversation. I'm all business because it takes every ounce of concentration to keep that mode afloat. Besides, I don't know anyone here who actually likes being here and is positive enough to keep me encouraged about staying here another two, four or even six months. And sitting around bitching about how bad it sucks doesn't change the fact that it still sucks.
Who knows when we will get our ticket out of here? All I know is that I can't figure a damn thing to do and I am fresh out of patience for a clingy little girl who warms my heart and drives me batty at the very same time. I am certain she needs something I can't give her, and it kills me that I am scraping at the bottom of my sympathy jar. Any suggestions or advice would be helpful.
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On a lighter note, my daughter just interupted my hubby's sleep (he works graves) and I heard the following conversation:
KAIA: Gerbrowerow?
HUBBY: Ugh.
KAIA: pssst... prrrt. Errp?
DUBBY: Hey! I don't fart in your crib, don't fart in my bed.
KAIA: Hee, hee.
Like father like daughter. It is a curse she will carry with her for the rest of her life. I think it is a genetic Hunsaker defect. Maybe it is lactose induced. At any rate, I should really try harder to let him sleep without interruption, but I had a thought going and figured she had already done the damage of waking him up anyhow. See how bored I am? I am almost on the verge of picking a fight just so that I can feel fired up about soemthing!
1 comment:
I am sorry that you are having a hard time finding people to be around. It is hard to go from lots of contact, back to little or none.
With people around, I still struggle with some of this as well. I alternate between preferring to be by myself and enjoying going to play group. The mom scene can be so weird with the competitiveness, gossip, husband and in-law bashing. It is hard for me to be friendly with people just because they have kids, because I crave connection too, and would like a friendship, but I also want my kids to have other kids to play with.
When I start to feel batty, I find it helps if I pre-plan activities for us to do so I don't have to think so hard in the moment. Some of Lucas's favorite are painting (finger paint or water color), drawing (crayons or chalk outside on the sidewalk, taping paper over the top of the whole table as a big canvas), sticker activity books, hopscotch, swimming in a kiddie pool, play doh, drawing a big town with roads and stuff to play with his cars and animals and things, blanket forts.
ps -- I love listening to conversations -- or even Lucas talking to himself before bed over the monitor or in the car. It cracks me up so much.
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