Gratitude Sunday: Living in Barrow

I have been asked many times “What brings you to Barrow?” Usually my response is pretty bland and impersonal as many people who ask are just making small talk. If I want to keep a low profile or feel a little untrusting of the person asking, I respond with an ordinary “My husband’s work.” If I feel more trusting and want to continue a conversation with them, I respond “Big Dreams and Pixie Dust!” But usually keep the real feelings and reasons to myself because I didn’t think that anybody really wanted to know.

Yesterday, I was asked in such a way that required a little more thought. I was with a group of women that I feel comfortable sharing more personal things with, and was met with “Why are you here in Barrow?” It was asked in the context of personal development and challenges we all face in our life path. My experience has taught me that every challenge is a lesson in personal development and once the lesson is learned, the challenge is over. So, I had actually been digging for a reason so that I could learn my lesson and get the hell out. It had been the topic of many, many prayers that had thus far gone unanswered.

I can usually flow with the awkward social situations and still come out feeling like I say what I mean and do so articulately, but not this time. My response was more a scattered rambling of learning to find God in a different way, finding new things about myself, my beliefs and my potential, strengthening our family and supporting my hubby in his career path. It surprised me how much the question rattled me. I don’t know if it was the question, the situation or the sudden epiphany of the real reasons I am here that made the whole thing so scattered, but I don’t really care. I am just ecstatic that I got a sneak peek into why I am really here and why these lessons couldn’t be learned another way in another place. It has given new meaning to my suffering and somehow made it a LOT more bearable. I actually feel gratitude for the experiences I am having here… Not the obvious loooooong winter and extreeeeeeemly harsh conditions, but the miracles and perspective those hardships are working in my life.

I have always gotten the most inspiration and direction in my life from the wilderness. This is, by far, the biggest, craziest most difficult wilderness I have ever experienced. At first I thought that Hell froze over and I moved there, and that God and inspiration had flown south for the winter... which by Barrow climate is a long-long time. But, my relationship with God has become a LOT more personal. At first I thougth that the sacrifices I am making would make me resent Ben for listening to my advice when encouraging him to apply and take the job. But, my love, respect and appreciation for him has grown immeasurably. At first I thoguth that the lack of outdoor opportunities would diminish our family identity and we would no longer have fun together. But, we spend a LOT more family time without the distractons of all the work of camping and entertaining and eating out... plus, I get to be a bigger part of Kaia’s development because I get to be a SAHM. At first I thought that Ben wouldn't get a lot of job experience or advancement opportunities up here. But, I was really wrong on that too. I can only imagine what more amazing insight and inspiration can come through our challenges here.

For the first time since I moved here, I can honestly say that it is a good thing. Not because of the amazing scenery, incredible recreational opportunities or the friendly weather, because those are a rare find here. It's a good thing because of the perspective it has given me, and the BIG step it has been toward what I really want. Whodathunkit?