Danged Saboteur

I've been working really hard for the last week and ½ on meeting my goals for the Hard Rock. To do so, I have to work out between 2 and 2.5 hours each day and stick to a strict nutrition regimen… which does not include cookies, chips, candies or cakes to say the least. It has been really hard to push myself every minute I work out and even harder to watch what I eat… especially when I am working so hard physically. At any rate, I have stuck to it religiously, and have had to do so against some unexpected obstacles.

I would expect my hubby, of all people, to be the most supportive. I would expect that he would want to see me achieve my goals and become the hot mama I always thought I would be. I would expect that he would be excited about my new figure and be supportive of the healthy lifestyle that he so adamantly nagged about when I was depressed as hell and determined to drown my frustrations in chocolate.

But he hasn’t been AT ALL. The first week was met with a little skepticism about the big goal in the first place, but overall positive response. This week has been the week of the Saboteur. He has been neglectful of Kaia and other household responsibilities when he says that he will take care of it so I can work out. Ya’d think he could handle things for a few hours, but somehow it is an overwhelming burden. Even when I just want an hour to climb on the elliptical machine, he suddenly finds a project that needs his undivided attention. He doesn’t make excuses, he just starts hacking away at the ice on our front walk, and the neighbors and their neighbors while he had promised to have 100% responsibility for Kaia. Ya right. At minute 54 of my 60-minute workout, I see my baby running around outside in 20 degree weather without coat, gloves or shoes! I actually think he is intentionally making it worse than it has to be so that I will not depend on him.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, he waited until I was done working out for the day to start baking cookies… and not just any cookies, MY FAVORITE oatmeal, coconut and chocolate chip cookies! What is up with that? When he stopps by the store to pick up a few items on the way home from work, he comes in with Doritos, brownies and m&m's! He has never done that before. I think he feels guilty about it because he slinks around the house when he is munching on something he knows is not on my program... but he waits until I am in the front room to pull it out.

I really want to think that it is subconscious and that he isn't intentionally causing me pain and making my road more difficult. But I am starting to wonder if he can really be that dense. I hate to think of him as manipulative, unsupportive or down right cruel, because that really isn't like him at all. Something has got to be provoking this craziness.

The truth is I think he is afraid. The problem is that I am not sure exactly what he is afraid of. He is not a creature of change, that could be it. Maybe he is afraid that I am going to make him eat on a low-carb program and is feeling deprived. Maybe he is afraid of what will happen when I reach my goal (I don’t know what that might be, but he could have some crazy idea). Maybe he is thinking down the road 10 years and is afraid that he will feel like a boob when I’m still tough and hes all doughy.

I think what he is really afraid of is the woman he married. She is still in here, and once she is unleashed, she will have the energy and wherewithal to put up a fight to stay. I think he has gotten used to me being too preoccupied, tired or depressed to notice what he was up to… or not up to. I am generally too tired to make a plan for anything and am usually okay with whatever plan he comes up with. If I am healthy, happy and balanced, I will be making plans that may conflict with his.

At any rate, we are going to have a conversation about this, because I have another 6.5 weeks before I have to go the distance, and there is no way I will make it if I don’t get some support on the home front. Any suggestions on how to start that conversation? I think that my normal approach may be a little too abrasive. My original plan was to wait until I was ticked about his next sabotage attempt and then confront him head on with “What the hell!!!? That hasn’t worked too well in the past with other issues, so I am rethinking it to come across a little more subtle and sensitive. The problem is that subtle and sensitive really aren't my nature. Any help would be greatly appreciated.