Stay at Home Dream

Is it just me, or is it harder to stay at home than anything else in the whole world? I love my home. it is my refuge, my space for reflection and relaxation... or at least it was before it became my place of employment. I just feel like the work never ends! There is no management system or delegation of authority I can establish to eliminate or even minimize the workload, especially now that we don't have a dishwasher.

I never realized how much time it takes to do them by hand. They just keep piling up and up becaues I really hate that part of staying at home. I actually hid the dirty dishes under the sink once when company was comming over unexpectedly. Talk about a slacker! I did pull them back out and return them to the counter top and sink once the company left. I may have even done them and put them away before the end of the day out of guilt. I just can't seem to keep things under control on a regular basis. What is the secret?

Have you ever considered that some people just might not be gifted in the stay at home arena? I have been thinking about that a LOT lately. Over the past year, I have managed the mommy part without staying at home. I would take Kaia hiking, backpacking, traveling all over the country, fishing and camping, off-roading, playdates and shopping. But now, well, none of those things are really available or practical, and I am staying at home more and more.

I try to get out here, but it is a challenge. You can tell how happy Kaia is to be all bundled up for the -40 degree weather? Yes folks, it really does get that cold here and I do take the baby out in it. Today we did a post office run at -36 with windchill factor. I just have to be really careful with checking little fingers, toes and noses in that kind of danger.

I am beginning to accept the fact that my stay-at-home mommy parts are disabled. I think that I may still find a way to be an excellent full-time mommy, but I can't do the stay-at-home thing and maintain my sanity. I need to have projects for myself and find ways to get Kaia OUT of the house with me. I will just have to learn to balance things differently because I have special needs. I am okay with that, it just took me a while to admit it.

To all the moms out there who have special needs: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! The dream of staying at home isn't for everyone and that is okay. Now the trick is balancing the housework and being a mommy outside the home. If any of you have tips or ideas, I am more than open to them.