Today I am grateful for loyalty, my loyalty to myself and my mission, my husband’s loyalty to me and the loyalty of friendship. I find so much peace in taking care of my needs, and I am grateful for the conviction I have to stay loyal to that. That simple act allows me to love with more energy, lead with more passion, fight with more integrity and enjoy many amazing adventures along the way.
Today, I was informed that one of my good friend’s husband cheated on her. I normally wouldn’t give much credibility to such news, but given the information source and the instinct I had about this guy from the beginning, I can’t doubt it. Now my dilemma lies with my loyalty to my friend. Do I tell her? I can’t just wait for someone else to tell her, or pretend that I didn’t believe it or even hear about it. That would go against my loyalty to my instincts and my mission.
The problem is that I have never had to break this kind of news to anyone before… I have actually made it a point NOT to get involved with drama and the rumor mill, hence the ambiguity as to who’s involved. But this isn’t just rumor. To complicate things more, she has a very close relationship with the gal he cheated with. I need your help with a good way to break this kind of news. I know I want to have this conversation alone with her in person, but I have NO IDEA what to say. I know that she is the kind of friend that would tell me if it happened to me, and I owe her that as a friend. Any advice or suggestions on what to say would be appreciated.
All of this just makes me more and more grateful for my hubby and his loyalty. That was one of the things that attracted me most to him. I knew that his character would stand temptation and he has certainly proven that over the past few years of difficulty and separation. Even when times are tough and all seems lost, he stands by my side and supports me in what I feel is right. My heart aches for those who do not have the same kind of loyalty in their lives.
4 comments:
Wow, I wish I had a silver bullet for this. It you play the alternatives in your mind (think her coming to you with the news only to find out that you knew) it seems obvious that you are to talk to her. The manner in which you approach the topic will mean everything. If you treat it like the rumor it is (even though your hunches tell you different) you give her a chance to go either way on it and save some face. Never been in this situation myself, so no direct experience on the matter. Best of luck, and trust your instinct!
So glad to see that you put your loyalty to yourself first.
In terms of telling her, I would start with some type of intro about if it was you, you would hope she would tell you. Perhaps even tell her that you heard some info about her husband and feel like she should know and ask her if she wants to. I think the key is to stick to the facts of what you were told or know and let her make her own interpretations.
I think another key (if it would be me) would be that I would want to know you wouldn't judge me either way if I left him or stayed with him over it -- like you were telling me so I could be informed, but you would let me make up my own mind of what to do and how to handle it.
My personal opinion is to not tell her. I've been in this situation before and there is a good chance that although you feel telling her is is what is best she may not agree. In my situation my friend had an idea that her man was cheating but she preferred to pretend that he wasn't. She was willing to look the other way. I was shocked. I would never have guessed that she would choose to live her life like that. For some people denial is much easier to cope with than the truth. I lost her friendship. She could not cope with me being the bearer of bad news.
You could engage her in a hypothetical conversation about a friend whose hubby is cheating to get a feel about her thoughts on how such a situation should be handled. That would give you an idea how to proceed. All my best to you. This is a crappy position to be in.
Hey sierra! not sure what to tell you about your dilema. Follow your gut and if you have her best interest at heart, you will do the right thing. On another note great to hear from you guys...sounds like everything is well in AK. Say hi to Ben and Kaia.
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