My Fitness Adventure

I started my fitness adventure on January 2, 2006. My hubby snapped this picture just 3 days AFTER I gave birth to lil’ one. You could guess by my expression that I was NOT amused. I would have to say that this was, BY FAR, the worst I have ever physically looked and felt in my entire life. Granted, it wasn’t all weight related, and that fantastic moo-moo is far from flattering, but I know it would have been a LOT less miserable had I been more fit. You can’t really tell how bad it was, because I never let anyone take photos of my whole self unobstructed. The computer generated model based on my beginning stats was created here.

I was a size 24 weighing in at 278.5 and couldn’t walk around the block, let alone enjoy a real life adventure. I was alive, but not living the way I was created to live. I knew that I would never find happiness in this depressed condition because it just wasn’t me. My life had tragically derailed somewhere, and I needed to get back on track.

I assessed my habits, activities and obstacles in the way of living my PRIME adventure and even had to reevaluate that adventure all together. I discovered that my fitness was only a small part of the bigger problem. I found more than one “conviction” that just didn’t work for me anymore and had to make a lot of pretty big changes to jumpstart the life I was designed to live. So, I quit working on someone else’s agenda and started working on my own.

I joined Weight Watcher’s and was back to the pre-pregnancy at 4 months on my fitness adventure. This was the only picture of that timeframe where I wasn’t completely hiding. I was thrilled to feel good enough to travel, shop and accessorize, but I still felt lost and out of control. I wasn’t confident with me. It wasn’t about the appearance as much as it was about feeling trapped in a body that didn’t match my adventure.

I plateaued here for a few months before joining my mom at the Metabolic Research Center for weight loss. I received some great coaching and worked with the program for about 6 months and dropped down to a size 12 weighing in at 175. This was a fun time of many adventures that were meaningful, fun and in line with my true self. I wasn’t ashamed or afraid, or hiding from anything! I felt sexy, confident and in control. I wasn’t invisible anymore; and I really liked the freedom of fitness.

However, I want more. I want fitness on a higher level, maybe even competitive. I want to compete in adventure races, but more than that, I want to be able to have my own adventures with ease and comfort. I was built to live an adventure in the mountains and that is always more fun when you’re only packing stuff that can make your life more enjoyable.

I think an athletic 160 lbs would treat me really well and would be more in line with my PRIME adventure. It would be great if all I had to lose were those pesky 15, but I lost my vision in the dark of Barrow and gained back a whopping 40. I was able to shed another 15 when I trained to pace my dad on the Hardrock, but gained 10 back when I returned to Barrow. I am tired of the yo-yo gig and need a little help to get the progress to stick.

So, I joined my mom on another program called Medifast. They requested that I take a really good “before” picture, but I am a big chicken and am going to refer you to the computer model for my “before” and “after” pix for 4 more months until I can get you a real life “after” shot.

I am SO ready to have my prime body so I can optimize my PRIME Adventure. This is something completely under my control, and I am no longer going to make excuses about my difficult environment, or why I can’t make it happen; and I'm even considering registering for an adventure race next summer to keep me on track and maintaining the success. YEEHAW!!!

On My Health Kick Again!

OK. That’s it! I got on the scale and saw that since my fantastic health kick back in July, I have gained a whopping 10 lbs! That really sucks because now I know that if I am ever to gain and maintain my happy state of health and fitness, I am going to have to WORK at it every day! However, I am feeling a real frustration with where I am and have decided to jump start my health with Medifast.

I plan to lose 40 lbs and would really like to do it before Christmas. I am certain that it must be done and convinced that I can do it. So here we go! I started the program yesterday with a nasty head-cold issue and really haven’t been all that hungry. Go figure. Anyway, I can’t tell if the headache is from the sinus stuff or from Medifast but am really leaning toward the sinus stuff being the source of all my problems.

Anyway, I have done some soul searching into why I have such an addiction to food and what I can do to overcome it. I know that just not eating any is not a good long-term fix, so I am definitely going to have to get to the bottom of this sometime quick.

I talked about this before here. But since then, I have realized that I use food as a treat for everything. If something good comes my way or I have success at something, I treat myself with food. If I had a hard day, am worried, bored or feeling sorry for myself, I treat myself with food! I don’t want to overlook the chemical dependency aspect either. If I am sick, PMSing or just dragging ass, food is a quick and inexpensive way to pick up the endorphins and serotonin in the system.

The problem is that I am realizing that it really isn’t all that inexpensive. The $ value is deceiving because it really doesn’t take into account the damage caused to my self esteem and confidence, the “larger” wardrobe I have to purchase, the medical bills for increased health problems that will only continue to rise exponentially and of course the cost of all the diet programs I try in desperation. So, really, when I treat myself with food, I am spending literally thousands of dollars on CRAP!

So, as a wise financial maneuver, I am going to treat myself with pedicures, weekend get-a-ways, hair highlightings, fun hobbies and adventures. When I am triggered to “treat” myself with food, I am going to “treat” myself to something much more valuable and much less costly. The problem is that it is going to take more work and planning... especially here in Barrow where resources are scarce.

To take some of the work out of the equation, I did a little brainstorming to list more cost-effective ways to treat myself and this is what I cam up with:

If I am alone with lil’ one-
Pull out my scrapbooking gear and play
Get on the internet and blog
Wrestle and tickle and play with kid toys
Go for a walk or beach comb
Paint our toenails

If I am alone with Hubby-
Sex is always a good treat
Massage may require some bribing, but it’s worth it
Movie is an easy go-to outlet
Bath Time (where we used to go to chat)
Go to gym and workout

If the family is all together-
um… well, everything I can think of depends on more than one circumstance that we don’t have any control over and rarely work in our favor… We gotta get the hell out of here so we can go camping, hiking, snow mobiling, off roading, fishing, backpacking, snowshoeing, bowling, skating and enjoy sporting events, museums and zoos. I would even go for window shopping at the mall if there were such a place here… but noooo; No such things in Barrow! This place sucks for family entertainment. I guess that isn’t fair, we have had 5 or 6 days where the stars all aligned and we were able to go out and enjoy 4-wheeling, snow mobiling and 2 beach campfires… but my treat cravings are FAR more frequent.

If I am all by myself-
Yah right, like that ever really happens, but if it did, I would go trail running for a good 3 hours, come back and take a loooong hot shower and then get some uninterrupted time on the internet. Now that would be a treat!

If I am out with the girls-
That would be a treat in and of it's self!

Not-so-Interesting Adventures

I have always prided myself on my adventurous life and story telling abilities, but lately, I am having the weirdest feeling that I am not as interesting as I thought I was. The feedback I am getting makes me think I may be quite self absorbed. My adventures really aren't all that meaningful or exciting to anyone but me, and I am starting to think that the emphasis I put on them makes other people feel like I think they are boring.

That couldn’t be farther from the truth! Any interaction with another person is the most interesting thing happening in my life, and all the other activities are my best attempt to keep from dieing of boredom or self-medicating with junk food. If I have bored you with my lengthy and not-so-interesting stories or implied that I think you are boring, I sincerely apologize. My intent is to inspire not discourage or make anyone feel inadequate.

I have decided that I am going to make an effort to reach out and help other people feel interesting and good about their adventures. I can do this in conversation by asking more open ended questions, soliciting more information with follow up questions when short or incomplete answers are given, and limiting my lengthy monologues to my blog entries.

Sorry yall, I gotta record how fantastic my adventures are for me and my posterity. If my stories aren’t interesting or inspiring to anyone else but me, everyone else can ignore them. But if my stories are discouraging or demeaning to anyone in any way, please let me know so that I can apologize and communicate my intent more clearly.

PMS BS and TMI

So, I'm not pregnant and I'm starting to wonder why the hell not. Just before the start of each cycle I start thinking I have all the pregnancy symptoms, then like clockwork they all roll over into the crabby, crampy PMS symptoms. I would much rather have the pregnancy symptoms because at least they yield good product. Besides, we would really like to have another baby-- soon.

What does it take to make a baby? I haven't been on birth control since Kaia was born, and I think we are having enough sex but not too much at the right times of the cycle and then some. I was thinking that it had something to do with my health, but Kaia was conceived when I was a good 40lbs heavier than I am now and a LOT more stressed out.

Unless, by some strange irony, boredom causes infertility, I can't figure out why we aren't expecting. Maybe it's just the workings of a merciful God... mercy for whom I'm not sure, but I can't help but feel that we are in the quiet before the storm. Whatever the case, I'm at peace with it. Even though big changes are coming, I am excited about the adventure they will bring.

The problem is that I'm not sure what I am supposed to do to prepare. It's almost like every effort is just spinning my wheels and getting me nowhere. I want action! Less planning, less thinking, more doing... much more doing. I have been ancy to DO and sure enough, the opportunities just came out of the woodwork.

So, in the spirit of doing, I have signed up for a weight loss program to get rid of those last stubborn pounds and finally get control of my fitness. Committed to a workout program with a friend, and even got Hubby on board to get in shape.

I am also doing childcare to supplement our savings for a home. I have 2 great kids lined up and think it will work out beautifully. It will bring in $1200 extra each month and really has potential to do much more. I have already been approached by 2 other moms wanting me to take their kids, but I don't like kids all that much. Yah, I know. Childcare is probably not the best profession for me, but I think I am a pretty good mom and can share that for a few hours a day with 2 more kids for a few months. I do think that more than 2 might push me over the edge though, and you just can't put a price on sanity. Kudos to all you moms out there with more than 2!

I am also considering becoming a health advisor and/or pure romance consultant. These are just a few of the many ideas and opportunities that have presented themselves in the past 2 weeks and all but paralyzed me with indecision. At least with these last 2 options, I get adult interaction and can participate in activities I really like. Who knows, maybe the fitness improvements and pure romance products will inspire some baby making ideas. It will be interesting to see how things all work out.

Decision Drought

I don't know what the hell is goin' on here. I haven't been able to make a decision to save my life and it isn't just big things, it is little things. Do you want to have a diet coke or full octane coke? Ohh... ummm... uhh... Would you like to write about what happened this week, an interesting topic or just not write? Ohhh... ummm.... I haven't written in a while... uhh!

It's even Gratitude Sunday and though I have much to be grateful for, there isn't much that has happened recently to make any one of them stand out above the others. I could write about them all, but prioritizing them would require making a decision... dammit.

It is so unlike me to not know what I want. I am always so opinionated and can at least come up with a preference on an impulse. But lately, it's like I suddenly lost all cognative skills. I don't even remember the last time this happened to me... oh wait... Am I pregnant?!?!

You know the crazy thing, I think I would be happy either way... talk about indecision! Could this be a change of seasons thing a PMS gig or is this all just crazy talk? Ohh... ummm... uhh... I dunno.

Fear and the PRIME Adventure

It occurred to me that there is something keeping me from reaching my big dreams and it’s ME! It is both good news and bad in that this obstacle lies within my locus of control. But at least now I can work on getting over it.

I think what has been crippling me is that I am afraid that my definition of success isn't in line with my true self, and that I will some day regret missing the boat. I don't know why that scares me so much. I have no regrets to this point in my life and actually cherish my mistakes as stepping stones to character building. I guess now the consequences seem somehow heavier, and life, a lot more fleeting.

The problem is that I spend too much time dreaming and not enough time realizing. I’m having a hell of a time choosing exactly which step will make me the happiest and be the best for my little universe in the long run. What it comes down to is that I can do any one of several different things and be successful; the trick is finding which thing is in line with my PRIME thing. Which thing is going to make my efforts Personal, Rational, Intentional, Meaningful and Eternal?

I need an adventure that is personally mine and mine alone, an adventure that rationally balances my mission and responsibilities, an adventure that I intentionally design and live because it is entirely within my locus of control. I need an adventure that meaningfully empowers and fulfills my life mission and eternally inspires others because it is bigger than me and reaches beyond the grips of death.

My PRIME Adventure is to share my passion and legacy through nature and outdoor recreation. It is in my heart to own and operate an adventure lodge and inspire others live their own PRIME Adventure. I haven’t quite worked out the details yet, but I know it takes place somewhere in the Northwestern United States. I know that the programs and activities will be high adventure and my circle of influence will go beyond my little community of family and friends. I know it will require me to stretch myself to relative perfection and hold me accountable to my values and principles.

As with every adventure, my PRIME Adventure comes with its own collection of doubts and fears. Some fear is good fear. John Long, a famous climber once said “The caliber of the adventure is proportional to the level of doubt maintained.” Real adventure requires some fear of the unknown and the possibility of failure. Nobody wants to fail, but in the scheme of a PRIME Adventure, it is really more of a progressive journey anyway. A PRIME Adventure is eternal, failure is only temporary.

So what am I afraid of? Why am I holding back from living my PRIME Adventure? Why am I letting myself get distracted on detours and getting tangled in everybody else’s adventures?

The truth is that I am terrified of being bored with a tiny life. I am afraid that I will not be able to realize my PRIME Adventure or worse, I will and then regret it. I am afraid that in living my PRIME Adventure, I will neglect my responsibilities as a wife and mother, which brings me to the humbling realization: Though my hubby is my hero and my daughter is my pride and joy, they are NOT my PRIME Adventure. They have their own adventures to live and their actions are beyond my locus of control. Investing all my energy into serving them is not MY adventure, but my contribution to their perspective adventures, and that is not the most effective way to live a PRIME adventure.

WOW! By continuing to do what I am doing, I am bored and living a tiny life! I'm not living my PRIME Adventure by waiting! Waiting for what? The stars to align? The Law of Attraction to dump a lodge in my lap? For someone to pat me on the back and reassure me? Am I really that naive and needy?

I think I am waiting for the peace in knowing that my family has a place in my PRIME Adventure. Without them, my life would be tiny. Without them, the meaning and eternal reach of my legacy would be lost leaving me only with PRI, and that doesn’t make any sense. Where do I find that peace? I think it is somewhere locked inside me but I am pretty sure my hubby has the key. I just need to ask him for it.

I guess I am pretty needy. I need to know that he supports me in living my PRIME Adventure. I need him to know what I need from him in terms of support and encouragement. I need his reassurance that he values what I bring to the table.

WOW AGAIN! I don’t think I was entirely prepared for these deep realizations this morning. I think it is time for a serious chat, one that I’m not quite sure how to initiate. Wish me luck!

Gratitude Sunday: A Change of Seasons

Today I am grateful for a change of seasons. The sun is finally setting, and I can’t help but feel a little relief. It is almost like I have been awake all summer long and now suddenly feel like I can get back to a normal routine. Even though the sunset is between 1 and 3 am, it still offers a bit of a better nights rest.

Last night I laid in my living room and listened to the waves crash on the beach. This is the first time the town has been quiet enough and the waves loud enough to notice in the 9 months we've been here. Granted, the ocean was frozen the first 7 months. I have enjoyed the summer of the midnight sun, but now it is really beginning to feel like fall. I have my concerns about the inevitable winter, but I am really enjoying the change of seasons… as quick as that change has come.

This picture was taken by John Falk, a guy who has a website of interesting Barrow Photos. I don’t know him, but think that maybe I should… maybe I do and don’t realize it. Humm, I just realized that I really don’t get out all that much and don’t know many people here. Truth be known, we have actually had a lot more socialization the past week than I think we have had the whole time we’ve been up here.

Tuesday and Thursday were bonfire/ weenie roasts at the beach with different groups of people. Friday was a BBQ with a bunch of officers in town for annual training. Saturday was a potluck and scrabble night at a dispatcher’s house and tonight was another BBQ! It has been really fun getting to know more people and enjoying some adult conversation, beverages and entertainment. All of this play time has been great, but I can’t help but wonder how things are going to be when it slows down again.

I think it is unnatural for me to be here, and I really look forward to getting our own place somewhere with mountains and trees and where I know the sun will come up every day no matter what. But in the mean time, I will enjoy my Barrow experience and be grateful for the changes both in nature and myself.

Sicko and Psycho

I am at the end of my rope with a sick kiddo. Her annoying booger nose has now developed into full-fledged asthma attacks and coughing spasms that continue off and on through all hours of the night. I’m not sure what is worse, the whining, clinging and thrashing around, the sleepless nights, or my fear that she is going to have to be med-evaced to Anchorage. The anxiety and frustration has turned me into a total psycho. Any little thing is just too much for me to handle, and I am totally on the verge of throwing all of our dirty dishes away just to get rid of them!

I have done all I can to keep my sanity, but I am running out of options. I have cleaned the house (except the dishes) done 3 loads of laundry, started a my-space page that I still don’t like as much as my blog and bathed sicko 3 times already today to keep her occupied and decongested. I would really love to get out, but it is not a great option with a sick kiddo. There is nowhere to go, nothing to do and nobody to see when you have a sick kid. Any other mom doesn’t want their kids to get sick. Any other public place is too germ infested to an already compromised immune system, and nothing even sounds fun with a whiny, clingy kid on your hip. Any tips or suggestions could possibly save me from becoming totally irreversibly psycho.

The Big 5

A while back I requested some fun and sexy ideas for a 5-year anniversary surprise. Well, yesterday was the big day and we "surprised" each other with a trip to Anchorage. Ben arranged the flight to a place with trees (which is more beautiful to me than if he had bought me flowers) and I arranged the cozy log cabin (which still honors the tradition of wood). We are going to postpone the celebration till the 15th of Sept (Ben's next weekend which actually coincides with cheaper airfare) when we can look at property and get the loan stuff all settled out (Hubby's gift to me). Then we are going to go off roading and camping with some frineds (my gift to Hubby).
Just so we didn't sit around bored on the actual day, we did go to a friend's barbeque and had a great time. They even called into the local radio station to wish us happy anniversary over the air and everyone cheered. Gotta love small towns! I will miss the people up here, but ya know, there just aren't enough good days like that to justify the really hard ones.
The truth is I will miss some things, but I am really looking forward to having a clean and nice place that reflects my taste and has conveniences like a garbage disposal and dish washer. Not to mention that many friends come through Anchorage at least once a year and will now have a place to stay when they do.

Meme and the Power of 3

I was tagged by Squish at Bossy Mom to meme this positive power of 3 and I pass the fun on to K.B. at K.B. Squared.

1. Name three things that you adore.
- my family
- my mountains
- adventure

2. Name three things you appreciate about your spouse/significant other.
- his integrity
- his sense of humor
- his commitment to his family

3. Name three things that you are especially good at.
- organizing adventures
- developing projects and programs
- initiating change

The Next Doritos Mascot

This is what happens when I put Daddy on bedtime duty. Nice work Honey! All she needs now is the remote control and a beer bottle. If my baby is the next Dorito's mascot, he is going to have some serious explaining to do.

The best part is that he is sleeping so soundly with his legs hanging ½ off the bed in the position he happened to plop down in. On the bright side, he did get her changed into her pj’s and into bed before passing out. It cracks me up that he picked the pj's with the little pink pig on the front and there she was pigging out in them.

I'm just glad that everyone played hard today and should sleep really well tonight!

Rollin' With the Homebodies

I think we had all been pent up in the house for way too long, so I invited everyone to the beach. We headed out for a weenie roast and some s'mores with a couple of friends and had a great time. It was a beautiful 44 degrees with wind chill today, and we really couldn’t have asked for any better. The kids had a great time rolling all over the beach and climbing on the four wheeler.

Ben even took them all for a ride to appease the begging and pleading, which was very nice for the rest of us. Bless his heart for entertaining the whole load of squealing mimis up and down that beach! We had a great time, and I was really happy to get out and play with one of the families that will be moving out before the end of the month. No more being homebodies for them.

We are hoping that things work out for us to follow them out of town here within the next 2 months, but we shall see. We were all talking about how great it would be to get out of here, and I thought, "hey, is it really all that bad?" There must be something I will miss... um... hmmmmm... well, the truth is that the best things about my Barrow experience can come with me when I go. It has been an interesting thing to do for a short while, and I will miss the friends we have made here, but there just aren't enough days like this to make it worth the expense and the hassle.

If you ask me, the kids have the right idea. We should just pile everyone on and go!

Gratitude Sunday: Loyalty

Today I am grateful for loyalty, my loyalty to myself and my mission, my husband’s loyalty to me and the loyalty of friendship. I find so much peace in taking care of my needs, and I am grateful for the conviction I have to stay loyal to that. That simple act allows me to love with more energy, lead with more passion, fight with more integrity and enjoy many amazing adventures along the way.

Today, I was informed that one of my good friend’s husband cheated on her. I normally wouldn’t give much credibility to such news, but given the information source and the instinct I had about this guy from the beginning, I can’t doubt it. Now my dilemma lies with my loyalty to my friend. Do I tell her? I can’t just wait for someone else to tell her, or pretend that I didn’t believe it or even hear about it. That would go against my loyalty to my instincts and my mission.

The problem is that I have never had to break this kind of news to anyone before… I have actually made it a point NOT to get involved with drama and the rumor mill, hence the ambiguity as to who’s involved. But this isn’t just rumor. To complicate things more, she has a very close relationship with the gal he cheated with. I need your help with a good way to break this kind of news. I know I want to have this conversation alone with her in person, but I have NO IDEA what to say. I know that she is the kind of friend that would tell me if it happened to me, and I owe her that as a friend. Any advice or suggestions on what to say would be appreciated.

All of this just makes me more and more grateful for my hubby and his loyalty. That was one of the things that attracted me most to him. I knew that his character would stand temptation and he has certainly proven that over the past few years of difficulty and separation. Even when times are tough and all seems lost, he stands by my side and supports me in what I feel is right. My heart aches for those who do not have the same kind of loyalty in their lives.

Tutu Part Two and Weekend Confessions

After our last crazy caribou experience, we weren't sure if the hunting gig was really for us. I wasn't sure if I could handle the "acquired taste" for wild game steak, but WOW! The cow we scavenged was fantastic eating! The meat was so clean and tender and with a little steak sauce, there wasn't any real gamey flavor. With the price of beef up here, we decided hunting could work out pretty good for us.

We sent Li'l One to a sitter’s, borrowed a four wheeler and headed out onto the tundra for yet another exciting adventure. We left town at about 1:30, found a herd of about 800 by 2:30, and by 2:45, everyone in our party had a kill (except me of course, who readily accepted Hubby’s “catch” as enough for our family).

It took us three hours to figure out how to get everything strapped onto the four wheelers, and I will spare you the details of that gory mess, but there was one situation that is too good to omit. There came a point in the process where we realized that we would have to remove our caribou’s head for reasonable transport, and a more experienced hunter explained how this was to be done. Just as he was finishing his aggressive instructions, I removed my coat, rolled up my sleeves and grabbed the biggest knife I could find.

As the only woman on the trip, and possibly any trip that these guys have ever been on, all eyes were one me. As I moved forward, one of the guys dropped his jaw to the ground and said:

“By god if you rip the head off that animal, it will be the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen!”

I just stopped in my tracks to play that sentence back in my mind and flip through my rolodex of appropriate responses only to find... uhhh...NOTHING! Hubby chimes in with “Hey! I’m right here man!”, as if it was some kind of a come on, and I knew right then that I was definitely out of my element. However, it does bring up another Weekend Confession:

There is something primal about taking the life of an animal for survival. I'm not sure "sexy" is the right term, but I definitely felt curiosity, exhilaration and empowerment... three elements I personally enjoy about sex. Does that make me twisted and cruel, or am I just naughty?

In case you are wondering, I did take its head and even helped wrestle the carcass onto the front of the wheeler. Let’s just say… not so sexy. Once all that chaos was under control, the guys were getting nervous about their wives pitching fits for them being out past curfew. Apparently, they were all supposed to be back by 5:30.

As it was fast approaching 6:00, they were desperate for a shortcut. Little red flags were going up in my head, but I thought I would let the boys be boys and see what happened. After consulting the GPS and looking out for “landmarks” (landmarks on the tundra? Yah, right!), they decided to head back a different way from which we came.

I voiced my hesitation, but was quickly overruled. To no surprise, that ruling led us directly into meandering rivers, boggy marshes and impassible bodies of water that only brought us further from that little gray line on my GPS that identified where we needed to be.

What should have been a 45 minute easy track back on what in retrospect was the Arctic superhighway, ended up a 3-hour "short-cut" with a steaming carcass strapped to the front of my rig and a 1/2 dozen more bouncing around in a trailer! I didn’t want to state the obvious, so I just kept the “I told you sos” to myself. By the time we finally made it back into town, we were covered in mud, dust and glory.

Yet another Weekend Confession:
Not only do I have 2 mangled caribou hides spread out under my front porch, but a severed head of antlers on my doorstep, and a carcass full of meat soon to be dismembered and crammed into my freezer. Am I psychotic, or just officially Alaskan? Maybe it's not so sexy, but I just doesn't get more rugged than this!

Weekend Confessions: Initiating Play Time

I have been frustrated with not getting a lot of Hubby’s attention during his work week, especially since he started working graves and we replace each other in the bed. But I’ve been even more frustrated that he’s not picking up on my not-so-subtle hints that I need some bedroom action.

Actually, I don't discriminate against other rooms of the house, but he wasn’t biting on anything I was putting out there; believe me, I was putting it out there. This morning I just got desperate enough to flat out ask him. “Honey, I know you’re tired, but I really need some action. Can I have my way with you?”

It was a good day.

Never a Big Reader

It seems strange that I was never a big reader before in my life... Actually, I think that I had only read maybe 3 books for leisure since grade school, and I really choked down the required texts for high school and college. I guess I was always one for living my own adventures and telling my own stories. But since Kaia was born, I haven't been obligated to a boss and yet haven't felt free enough to travel the world or roam the mountains for days on end. So, I started reading lots more. Some books are more interesting than others and I find myself gravitating toward positive improvement and philosophy type books. I love books that make me think but even took time to read a suspense novel!

Sorry Potter fans, it wasn't your beloved Deathly Hollows or any other of the Potter series. I don't know if it is the subject material, that I haven't read any Potter books or watched any of the movies all the way through, or just the intimidation factor of the size of the book itself, but I never got into it. I know, I may as well just admit that I am a loner on that one. Who knows, maybe I will read it with Kaia when she gets older.

Anyway, I have added a few books to my favorites list, and they are all recent reads... well, most of them within the last 2 years. If I can't get out more, I will simply have to resort to escaping into a journey within myself. It is actually kind of fun to take a new kind of adventure and stretch myself to adapt to my new environment. Yae for books!

Attracting Some Inspiration

Though I don't think it is the only law working in the universe, the law of attraction does some amazing things. I stumbled onto a very interesting blog while wishing for something to inspire me and thought I would share. Patricia had some neat insight into a lot of things I have been thinking about, one of which is developing a life coaching career. I really want to explore motivating and inspiring others on that kind of a level.

I guess what attracts me so much to the profession is that that it is a world of deep thinkers and they get to encourage others to question their limits and be their very best. I want to further develop my skills and contribute in that arena in my own way. I am not all that passionate about the impersonal executive-focused coaching and not entirely into the touchy feely eccentrics associated with individual-focused coaching. I could definitely find fulfillment and success in my own little niche somewhere between work and drama with my specialty -- PLAY. Maybe I will call myself an adventure coach...

I posted some raw ideas about it here, but have since sketched in a lot more shape and structure. I had all but forgotten about it since the big race, but it found me again. It is not a coincidence but a steady draw toward something big. I want to provide the ideal environment, the tools and support for others to become an effective creator in building their own sustainable and fulfilling, life-long adventure. I want to provide an experience that will help people see themselves differently, and then champion their training and preparations to live their prime adventure. I want to guide them into nature and let the wilderness inspire them to do their thing.

I feel most comfortable working with women and have a particular soft spot for mothers and women in other tricky transitions. This may be too narrow, but I think I am going to go with it for starters until I invest in the training to get a better clue as to how the business side of things goes. For now, I am just dabbling in the framework concept and how to integrate individual coaching, group workshops and my pet project, the adventure lodge. Eventually, I would like to get my masters in an accredited program for coaching and get some certifications in Wilderness First Responder, Mountaineering, Personal Training and Life Coaching. I think that by the time I am at full speed, I could have a really fun thing going.

Meme Me

I was tagged by K.B. Squared to do this enlightening little meme and wanted to pass along the fun. I am actually surprised that I haven’t been sent to “room 101” wherever and whatever that is, or at least been violently shaken to the point of removing me from off the face of the Earth anyway. At any rate, I hope to read the fun memes of Slacker Moms R Us and Ex Libris Lady. Other cool bloggers who have posted this meme are Bossy Mom, K.B. Squared and Smile, Play, Dream.

Four Things That Should Go Into Room 101 and Be Removed From the Face of the Earth:
1. Anything Teletubbie
2. War and Oppression
3. Processed “Diet” Food
4. Disease

Three Things That People Do That Make You Want to Shake Them Violently
1. Nag to do things that they don’t want to do for themselves (pushy hypocrisy)
2. Pushing their beliefs on others in attempt to change them (forceful arrogance)
3. Endangering the well being of others for their own gratification (reckless selfishness)

Two Things You Find Yourself Moaning About
1. Boredom
2. Loneliness

1 Thing the Above Answers Tell You About Yourself
I really gotta get out more… preferably during teletubbie broadcasts, and all those damn fast and snacky food commercials so that I can have some adventure, meet new people and avoid the following:

• punishing myself with processed diet food after bingeing on unsatisfying substitutes for the snacky foods I really wanted and didn't have around
  
• nagging my hubby to be more active when I, myself, am in bed
  
• phonecalls from Mom that end in me aggressively pushing her to change what she CAN control vs. boobing about what she can't
  
• and recklessly endangering the well being of anyone within throwing distance or ear shot when I go ballistic and wage war on the 4 walls that oppress me for too many consecutive days.

Anniversary Challenge

Our 5-year anniversary is comming up this month, and I have NO idea what to do in a tiny town on the Arctic. I would really like to surprise hubby with something fun and sexy, but we are saving up for a house and gettin' out of here isn't financially wise.

I could get access to a reliable 4-wheeler, but we do that every weekend and it really isn't special without a neat place to go or something fun to do. Maybe we could get a sitter for Kaia and head out to the point for a picnic and some beach combing. I thought about trying to get freaky someplace new or risky, but there aren't any bushes, it's still really cold, it doesn't get dark and kids run around anywhere we could get to until all hours of the night.

I guess we could bring a lot of blankets and go WAY out somewhere off the road/ trail systems. It would be really fun and extreemely risky, but if we got caught Ben would never live that down at the station... I think he could actually lose his job if he got charged with indescent exposure and even if he didn't, it just doesn't look good in the PR department. So here I am, back to square one in brainstorming something up.

I need your help! What can I do that is fun and sexy on a budget? Any ideas would be great.